Everything

It took me several hours to finally got home safely. I used public transportation as it made me feel safer in a crowd. Luckily, those werewolves and vampires did not show up at all during my trip back home. Michael said something about his ‘father’ taking care of them and I wondered if it was true.

Once I got home, I took a long shower and slept like a log. Or not.

I could not sleep for the good of me. My body tossed and turned every few minutes. The events of the day still haunted me.

The wolves’ fangs, the vampires’ sharp teeth. Wait, what? I meant the other way around.

The vampires’ fangs, the wolves’ sharp teeth.

How they ‘winnowed’ –following Michael’s term, and how I flew in the arms of the Jerk Michael.

Wolves. Vampires. Hybrid. Angel. Demon.

And who is this figure they called ‘father’?

*Urgh! I don’t know! I don’t wanna know… I don’t wanna know.*

I finally got up from my bed. It was obvious that I would not acquire sleep tonight. So I dragged myself to the balcony and lit up my cigarette. I inhaled the smoke, filling my lungs with nicotine. Then I exhaled loudly, making puffs of smoke in the dark night.

It was a quiet night. Too quiet compared to the events before.

The night wind blew cold air to my cheeks and thighs –I was wearing shorts so, my legs felt cold. But I liked to feel the wind. The cold made me feel alive.

Someone was playing ‘Let It Go’ by Demi Lovato in the distance and I perked my ears up to catch the rest of the song. A few cars passed by on the street below. Their engines rattled.

It was peaceful. It was normal.

I ended up sleeping there after a few hours. My cigarette had fallen to the floor, luckily, it had been snuffed out before it fell and there were no combustible materials near it. The cold morning air hit me hard and I was shivering before I heard my telephone rang.

It was early morning, the sky was still a tad dark. Even the sun had not peeked through. I almost thought to sleep again if only my telephone did not ring so much.

I forced myself to get up and walk to the phone next to the kitchen. My eyes were opening and closing.

“Hello?” My voice sounded really hoarse.

“Arianna?” It was a male voice. Marc, my professor. “I’m sorry to call you this early morning.” His voice sounded agitated. There was a problem in the clinical trial, I guessed.

“There’s been a problem.”

*Jackpot.*

I waited for him to continue.

“Can you come to the institute?” He then added, “Hurry, please. I don’t think he will last long.”

*What?*

“What… do you mean?”

Marc was being restless. He kept on mumbling incorrigible sounds as if he was unsure how to break the news to me. But what news? And who is this ‘he’ that would not last long–

A young boy appeared in my mind.

“Is it Mateo?”

“Y– yes.”

Silence.

“I’m sorry. I know you’re very close to him.”

There was the sound of a flat line deafening all other sounds in your mind. It grew louder and louder. As loud as your raging heart pumped by adrenaline. You did not even know if you were breathing or not. You could feel your blood flowing rapidly but your mind was blank and empty. For a moment, your body only stood still. You thought, if you did not blink then it could all be a dream. If you did not move, then it could be not real.

But you blinked.

Then your feet moved before your mind reeled in the reality.

Before I knew it, I had been running on the street barefooted with only my shirts and shorts to the institute. Once I got there, I took out my id card that I did not even realize I grabbed from my purse. Then I ran into the almost empty building until I reached Mateo’s room.

My heart was beating so fast. There was a moment of utter silence as I stood there just looking at his door. When I heard the mumbling sounds behind the door, I put my clammy palm on the doorknob.

I took several breaths to calm myself but I failed miserably. Then I opened the room.

Marc and Mrs. Russo looked at me abruptly. There were streaks of tears on Mrs. Russo's cheeks. And there were more coming out of her eyes. Her face had gone red and I could see she had trouble breathing.

Then I looked at the small boy sitting on the bed. He gave me a tired but sweet smile.

I lost it. I could not hold back my tears from flowing down. My face was expressionless as I did not know what to feel but my tears went down. And down. And down.

“Can you guys give me some time with Arianna?” Mateo asked. His voice sounded so calm. And it made me mad. So mad.

*How is he so calm? How is he so collected?*

“Of course,” Marc said. “Mrs. Russo, please come with me for a while.” He extended his arm to the lady but Mrs. Russo instead walked to me.

I looked for signs of anger or hatred or regret in her eyes. After all, I was the one who persuaded Mateo to undergo this trial. It was my fault. Everything was my fault.

*I’m sorry*… I wanted to say that but my throat was clogged.

But all Mrs. Russo did was wiped my tears gently. “Thank you,” she whispered. Another tear fell on my cheek and she wiped it again.

I did not understand why she would thank me. She should be hating me for taking away her child. She should be blaming me. So… why?

Mrs. Russo took off her grey jacket and put it on me. She patted my shoulder before finally walking out the door with Marc.

I was alone with Mateo then.

He again smiled at me.

*No. No. You’re not supposed to smile at me. You’re supposed to blame me!*

“Come here, Arianna,” he said.

I walked to the side of his bed and he took my hand in his. My tears kept on falling without me knowing. A tear even fell on Mateo’s small hand.

As the research staff and a future medical worker, I was not supposed to be this attached to a patient. We are supposed to draw a professional line between health workers and patients. Empathy is a must but sympathy… that is not healthy.

But… how could you not get attached to a child such as Mateo? Who struggled so hard just to live? He was funny, charismatic, joyful, mature. He was a very nice child.

“I’m… sorry…,” I managed to utter the words.

“No, Arianna,” he said, “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not, Mateo!” I shouted, “Everything is not fine! Everything is… is a mess! Everything is horrible! Everything is.. is…”

Mateo waited for me to calm myself down.

“If anything, I should be thankful to you,” he said.

I shook my head. “I told you the trial would be… good for you to try. I persuaded you to do it. I did not think that it would... aggravate your cancer.”

“Ariann–“

“I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry. If only you didn’t listen to me. If only you–“

“Arianna!”

I stopped my words. But I still did not dare to look him in the eye.

“You gave me hope.”

I bit my lip hard. “A false hope–“

“No.” His voice was firm. “Look at me, Arianna. Please.”

Finally, I raised my head to look at his dark orbs. There was a calm black sea behind his eyes. “It’s not your fault. It was me who never got a chance in the first place. My cancer is already too damaging to be fixed. I’ve been to other trials. None could win against my illness. I’m just incurable.”

“Don’t say that!”

“You did not give me any false hopes, Arianna,” he said adamantly. “Instead, you reminded me of what it was I was fighting for. You gave me a reason to live, Arianna. Even if I only could live the rest of my life in a short time.”

I shook my head but Mateo was not done.

“You were able to make me laugh again. And you made my mom felt at ease too.”

“I didn’t do anything…”

“But you have done the most to help us than all those trials combined. If no medicine could cure me, at least you could cure my soul.”

I looked at him straight in the eye. My eyes were watery and his eyes began to water too. His dark circles had gotten smaller underneath his eyes. He was sleeping better these days.

For a moment we only looked at each other.

Until finally we both burst into laughter. “Did you pick up that line from those cheesy morning dramas you watch?”

“Yeah. Was it too cheesy? I thought it was appropriate.”

But just like that. The sadness came upon me again.

“I’m sorry this trial doesn’t work on you.”

“Marc said he is stopping the treatment because it aggravates my cancer. But hey, it’s not like I’m going now, you know. I’m still here.” He grinned. “You can’t get rid of me that easy.”

I wanted to hug him right then. But I saw clouds of dark and red smoke appeared across me, just a few feet from the large window overlooking the city view. The smoke swirled on the floor and it grew larger to the point of being taller than me. Mateo followed my gaze and his jaw dropped too when he saw what had transpired.

*At least now, I am not the only one who could see things.*

I saw the flashing red eyes first. Before the horns, the red skin, and the ugly jagged teeth.

It was monstrous.

“Hello, Lady,” the creature said. Its voice was deep and eerie.

*This is how a demon is supposed to look like, right?*