Define Our Own Purpose

I turned in the voice’s direction. After blinking twice, I realized that the figure in front of me was real. He seemed to be in the same realm as me, the ghost/afterlife/whatever-it-is-actually-called realm. The men didn’t notice his presence at all.

He looked similar to Bar, with a body cloaked in a black hood. But he was way bigger, and he had a scythe in his right hand.

Looking up, I find his skeleton face. And when I looked into his red eyes, I knew instantly who it was.

“Dark Lord…”

“No,” he said, “That is not my title anymore.” I could be wrong, but I saw him smiling sadly. After all, how could a skeleton smile or give any expression whatsoever? Expression comes from muscles, and skeletons do not have muscles. They are just bones.

“Are you here to pick me up?” I asked. My voice trembled slightly. I was still not ready to go. My eyes flared up in heat as well.

But the skeleton man shook his head. “That is not my job anymore,” he said, “It used to be when I was the Dark Lord, but one of your boyfriends has cost me that job.”

I winced when he said one of my boyfriends. I knew he meant Lex. “But… you’re still alive,” I said, “I thought Lex had killed you.”

The Grim Reaper scoffed at me. “That immature sorcerer?”

I blinked. This is confusing.

“Heaven light cannot kill me, child,” he said, “I might be the Dark Lord, but I was made by the One above as well to serve a purpose in the shadows. For centuries I have done my job religiously, if I may say. I deliver souls like yours to beyond and become the balance of Heaven and Hell in this world. Heaven light cannot kill me because I was made from it.”

“What?” I shook my head. Nothing made sense to me. The only reason the cycle existed was that the Dark Lord died. The only reason the Lady had to live and die within certain time limits was that she was punished to crown the next Dark Lord.

And he was telling me that the previous Dark Lord never died in the first place! My fists curled tightly. This must be a joke!

“I never died, young one,” he said, “I only set a stage.”

My jaw seemed to have fallen. I stared at the Grim Reaper wildly. It astounded me too how I was not afraid of him.

“I set the stage for the next Dark Lord to reign,” he continued, “The cycle was a trial for all of you until the right Dark Lord has emerged in this world.”

I was not afraid. Instead, I was furious. A trial? My life had been put in this cycle just for a trial to select the Dark Lord? Was I even a real human being if my purpose in life is to just be a stepping stone for the supernaturals?

Was that how meaningless my life is? Was I even a real existence if things are like this?

I swallowed down the tears lumping in my throat. I dared not to blink harshly because if I did, I would cry. But why shouldn’t I cry? I have lost my life, discovered that my life isn’t exactly important, I was just a discardable existence in the wheel of life. A side character in everyone else’s stories.

The breath coming out of my mouth was shaky, it was filled with all the anger building up inside me. I looked at the Grim Reaper’s red eyes and I saw my own color reflecting back at me.

“So, have you found your right Dark Lord now?” I asked. “Are you satisfied? How many of me have to die for you to finally choose your successor even though you’re not really dead? How many of this sick cycle my soul has to go through? Isn’t this enough punishment? Do you consider this your entertainment?” My voice was raised much higher than I expected it to be.

He looked at me quietly for a moment, studying me. Then he took a step towards me. “You are right. I devised all this. The world collapsing because of my absence, the cycle, the princes. I designed all this just to pick my successor because I am tired.”

I blinked. This guy couldn’t be serious. How could a supernatural being become tired? Try living with a deadline like me and see how tired every second is!

“I am tired to guard this world. I need rest. And when my successor has guarded this world for millennia, then he can choose me again through the same wheel of fate.”

“What do you mean?”

“Everything is a cycle, young one,” he said, “You live. You die. You will live again and die again. The energy you give to the world will be returned to you. And this cycle has been foretold since the beginning of time. All we can do is to follow it and enjoy all the time given to us.”

I didn’t really get his meaning. But I was sure that he was telling me that the cycle of Ladies and the four princes were actually parts of a bigger cycle. A more ancient cycle. Perhaps even more ancient than the Devil and Angel I saw in Lex's vision.

“So you’re saying that this cycle of Ladies, the four princes, and the world's destruction had happened before? And that it will happen again when it is time to select another Dark Lord?”

The Grim Reaper nodded. “The only constant state is either in Heaven or Hell. But in this world, everything is a cycle. You live, you die, you live again and you die again. Nothing ever truly disappears from this world. Even when a human dies, his memories stay and through that memories, he lives on until he finds another void to fill with his soul.”

I was stunned by his words. It was… nice. I never thought of it that way. That despite not having a body, souls could still live. Within memories, within the legacies, we leave behind.

Without realizing it, a tear fell on my cheek. “But my life is just part of your trial. I serve no other purpose in this life, do I?”

“Young one,” he replied, “Never think that your life in this world is meaningless. You don’t serve a purpose in this world other than that of your own soul. If you cannot see that then perhaps you are not ready and we shall continue the cycle yet again.”

What did he mean by that? ‘I’m not ready?’ Ready for what?

“So, what shall it be?” He stretched his bony hands to me, waiting for me to take his hand.

“I thought you’re not doing Grim Reaper’s job anymore,” I said.

“I’m still doing it until the next Dark Lord is crowned,” he said, “Besides, you’re special. You’re the Lady. I have to make sure you get to the next body safely and resume the trial.”

Suddenly, a thought passed in my mind. My eyebrows clinked together. “Wait… wait… You previously said that resurrecting a soul is a two-way street. What do you mean by that?”

“Well,” he shrugged, “Just like when someone suddenly has his heart stop beating. Doctors and nurses flood to the scene to do resuscitation, right? That is one way. But for the soul to live again, it needs to do its part too. It’s not enough for the people in the living world to try to bring you back.”

This guy was talking in riddles that churned my brain left and right. But thinking is what I do best. Thinking is what kept me sane and insane at the same time. “So… if I want to live again, I need to do my part?” My voice was small, a bit unsure. But gradually, something was beginning to bloom inside of me. I could feel it growing, much stronger than before.

I could not help but look at the Grim Reaper with glazed eyes. “There is a way for me to come back alive, isn’t it? And I can do it… I can just…”

He held my gaze, knowing what I wanted to say. And he nodded. “I told you. Life is not a one-way street, Arianna. If forward to beyond is not your way, you can always turn back. But you will have to fight for it. Fight the wind, fight the current, fight for your life. Life is a cycle anyway.”

“But…,” My throat choked when I say, “If I come back to life then the cycle with the Ladies, your trial… they would be broken. You won’t have your successor then. Wouldn’t that end the world?”

As selfish as I wanted to live… How could I doom the world where millions of others are being happy? How could I doom the world where Mateo is living?

I could not be that evil…

“Well, if you want to keep your death to continue the cycle and keep the world safe,” he said, “I am ready to take your soul.”

But I was not ready. I didn’t want to go with the Grim Reaper. I did not want to relive a life of deadline; I did not want to have to acquaint myself with the boys from the beginning.

I… realized that the memories I saw in my previous lives always left me with a bitter taste of longing. They always made me feel regret for not remembering anything for my ten lives–nine if we didn’t count Kira's–in the world when they remembered every second. It occurred to me that those Ladies are me. And I had loved each one of the Princes in my ten lives.

I loved Tony and almost had his baby. 

I loved Michael once, though he was being cold to me as Arianna.

I loved Renald too.

And I loved Lex, the one who would sacrifice the world for me. And the one who saved the world at my expense because I asked him to.

I didn’t want to leave them again.

I did not want to have to learn to love them from the beginning. 

“You also said,” I gulped hard, “That we don’t serve a purpose in this world other than that of our own soul.”

He nodded, encouraging me to continue.

“Including not serving the purpose of the world?”

He shrugged, but I saw his skeleton face smiling. His dark eyes seemed to brighten, though I didn’t know how I knew.

“You only have one life. What would you do? Define your own purpose in life.”

I took a deep breath. I had made my decision. When I exhaled I said, “I know who to crown as your successor.”

And the Grim Reaper grinned broadly at me. Proud. He was proud of me.