Past Pregnancy

I read my notes numerous times that day, repeating the words that Renald told me. He had a rough childhood, and surprisingly, Alexander was the one who helped him. But after our… rendezvous, I suddenly felt weird at how fast my body succumbed to the lure of pleasure. Okay, too dramatic. Yet, it was true.

I have never felt anything like it before. Never felt attraction nor have sudden pleasure urges. I didn’t even touch myself a lot–which is sad, now that I think about it. Look, it’s not that I didn’t find myself attractive. It’s just that I didn’t have the time for it.

But when I was with Michael and Renald, it felt just… right to do it. Even with Alexander, after some thinking of nostalgic thoughts, I started to question why I was comfortable with the three thousand years old male to take my virginity even though I just met him that night. I started to think that it was “The Lady” thing all along. That I was always naturally attracted to them, body and soul–Yep, too dramatic.

Anyway, I circled the name of a girl in my journal. I didn’t even know when I wrote her name.

‘Kinara'.

The name sounded familiar when Alexander said it despite me having never seen the girl before. She was pretty and looked badass. Basically, Kinara looked like everything that I am not. Suddenly, I found myself pressing my pen too hard. The charcoal tip broke to the brim.

I sighed. I knew the swirling feeling inside me when I think about Alexander and that girl. Rubbing my scalp, I tried to remember the facts that Renald had told me. The recorder was on the desk, but after listening to it once; I gave up. Let’s just say, there were more incorrigible sounds than facts I could gather.

However, Renald did explain that my blood felt like sweet lemonade. I then deduced that blood must have triggered the part of his brain that is similarly turned on when humans drink water. The word ‘sweet’ also made me realize that when humans taste blood as metallic due to the iron compound, blood opened the glucose channel on Renald’s tongue.

Perhaps hybrids taste iron as sugar, or in a medical fancy term, glucose. I wrote that one down.

The first rule of research is that I have to find all relevant things about the study. Then narrow it down. Right then, I focused more on finding more ideas I could explore in order to get to my answer.

I tapped my pencil on my chin, trying to think of other things Renald told me that could be a clue. The arousal?

Urgh! I kept getting back to that primitive desire. In the end, I wrote it down too.

‘Deep, intense, unconscious desire for supernatural creatures’. I tilted my head, trying to remember what I could of the biology of arousal when suddenly, a shadow loomed over me from behind.

“Deep, intense, unconscious desire for supernatural creatures,” whispered the shadow. His tone was deep and husky. It tickled my ear. And right enough, I felt a tingling sensation in my stomach. That was how I knew that the one behind me was one of the Four Princes.

“Tony,” I said without looking at him.

He put a cup full of dark liquid on my table. The liquid was steaming hot. “I brought you coffee,” he said, “I know you like this bitter drink.”

That took me by surprise. I looked back at him to see those warm yellow eyes. He was so close to me that I could feel his heat. “How do you know?”

He only gave me a small smile as an answer. Then he circled my table and sat across me. The table was small, so his long legs almost touched mine. He also had a cup of coffee in his hand.

Different from the first time I saw him, he was only wearing a simple sleeveless grey shirt, revealing his toned arms, and a set of sweatpants. He looked relaxed but tired at the same time.

I took a sip of the coffee he gave me. The smell of coffee beans already made me calm. “Umm… Tony, I’m really sorry about the… umm… sending you to a mental facility,” I was nervous as I rambled on, “I didn’t know…”

“It’s okay,” he said gently, “I found it funny, actually. It was the first time a chick really put me in a bind.”

“Again, I’m sorry,” I said, “Can we start over?” I batted my eyelash at him, hoping that I appeared innocent and genuine.

“I would love that.”

“Great!” My smile beamed. Then I started searching for topics to talk to. “So, you’re a demon.”

He nodded.

“You have dark wings and dark powers, and all that?”

He nodded again.

“Umm… are you only here because it’s your turn to ‘date’ me?” I felt that I needed to get this question out of the way. To make our meeting more effective, it was best to know the goals of each party. Though I prepared myself for his answer.

His gaze darkened a bit. The yellow orbs turned one shade gloomier. He seemed unhappy that I asked him about the scheduled date.

“Are you only talking to me because of the ‘date’?” he seemed to spat out the words.

I had to be honest. “No. Plus, you’re the one who came to me.”

His gaze returned to normal suddenly. “You’re right. I did come to you first,” he said, “I don’t think I can keep myself away from you.”

‘What?’ Did he just say sweet words that usually only lovers pronounce to their other halves? But why? We didn’t know each other, and I even sent him to a mental ward!

“I just want… to talk to you,” he said. His eyelashes dropped into elegant curves. His curls fell to his eyes. Without my consent, my fingers already moved to put those silky curls away from his face. I only stopped when I have tucked his hair on his ear. Our eyes met.

For one second, I thought he would do me like Michael and Renald would… with all that primordial desire. I kind of hoped he did… somehow. But he only looked at me. Well, more than that. It felt like he was seeing deep into my core, like he was seeing all of me at once, and I felt utterly naked just by his gaze.

The next second, realizing he would do nothing, I withdrew my hand. I averted my gaze because I didn’t want to feel barer than before.

‘How did that happen?’ I asked myself. ‘What was that?’

“I just want to talk to you, Arianna,” he said.

“Oh.”

“I’m not here to bang you as Michael and Renald did.” I winced, feeling like a slut because I did it with two men in one day. “Despite my urges to do so.”

I heard him clear his throat. “So, you feel the urges too?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“It’s way worse for us supernatural creatures,” he explained. “I bet you already realize by now that our instincts are that of beasts. We are controlled by primordial instincts much more than humans”

“And I am really really,” he said while gripping his cup of coffee, “holding myself back right now. I don’t want to take advantage of you as they had. You can say no, you know, Ari.”

I blinked. The demon was actually the only one thinking of me as a person… why was a demon so nice? I thought all demons are supposed to be bad.

“I know,” I said, “Thank you for the words. But I did it out of my consent. It was my own choice too.”

I saw him gripped the coffee cup even harder. I guessed that he didn’t like the answer but was holding back.

“I see.” He gritted his teeth. “Anyhow, I want you to know that… everything will be just fine. I promise.”

The words fell into place in my mind. Immediately remembered the dream I had last night. About a girl named Renee and a guy saying almost the exact same thing Tony had said.

I had to ask. “Tony, who is Renee?”

He looked at me straight in the eye. “Renee was my past lover.”

“And… how did she die?”

“A sword stabbed her stomach,” Tony’s voice became hoarse, “She was gone in my arms.”

Right at that moment, I blinked. For one second, my body was already transported into a snowy hill. I could see a girl, bleeding in the snow. A man cradled her from behind. He was crying over her body, agony painted on his face as he caressed her pale face. The blood kept flowing on the snow despite his effort to close the wound with his hands.

I blinked again, and I was on the fourth-floor laboratory. I gasped. “I was pregnant.”

Tony’s eyes glazed with water. I didn’t even know that a demon could shed tears.

“Yes,” he found it hard to say, “We were expecting. Before the cycle got to you first.”