At Death's Door

People like to theorize about death. For a clinician, there are two types of death; one is the condition of brain dead, where the brain is no longer active to even sustain the basic biological need and would need to rely on a machine. The other is when the heart stops beating.

My heart has stopped beating.

I could have explained the entire thing from a biological perspective but that would make this chapter into a scientific journal instead of a story. The thing is, we humans are too afraid to die that we conjure this unnatural belief that there is something beautiful in the afterlife. That someone would pick our souls up and deliver us to a better place.

But that was not what I experienced.

Death was quite… empty. It was nothing extraordinary. Just my soul leaving my body.

No pain. No anguish. Nothing beautiful to see.

In fact, I was seeing the same scene before I died. Someone had called my name before, but I forgot who it was. The four princes came running towards me. Tony teleported to me immediately and using his dark powers, he shrewd the vines covering me. My body fell limp in his arms.

Michael flew while Renald transformed into a wolf and lunged at the warlock immediately. The warlock was able to conjure some spells that I couldn’t really catch and his body disintegrated at that instant. Renald’s jaws found only black dust in the air. He howled as the warlock had teleported himself.

“Ari…,” I heard Tony calling my name. He was hugging my body, shaking me slightly as if to wake me up.

I–or what was left of me, stood next to Tony and my body. I was literally at a loss on what to do. This was my first death experience. Does anyone have a guide on what to do after death? Where was I supposed to go? Was I to roam the world aimlessly without being seen, heard, nor felt? Was there no afterlife after all? Just souls wandering in the world?

“Ari…,” His voice choked at the end. And when he caressed my cheek so gently, I felt like being strike down in the chest. It was as though he had lost something precious. I… didn’t know I was that precious to him?

“Please don’t leave me again…,” the demon started to sob. Yes, sob. And right then, I regretted for being an idiot. I regretted wasting my life for a lie. I… actually didn’t want to die this soon.

Renald nudged my fingers, whimpering like a lost puppy. He laid on the street and licked my fingers. Even Michael lowered his head when he realized I was a lost cause. He crouched in front of Tony and closed my eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered.

I didn’t want to go yet.

I hated it.

I was not ready.

I didn’t want to go…

Suddenly, a big black hole appeared in front of them. Lex came out from the middle of the air, carrying the warlock by his hood. He tossed the warlock on the street harshly. His eyes shone red with anger. There were sparkles of darkness on his fingertips.

When I looked at my murderer, I noticed that he was already beaten up. His hood fell, revealing a very skinny face with hollow eyes. His nose was broken and bleeding, his bony hands appeared twisted too. What had Lex done to him?

He trembled as Lex took a step toward him. He crawled on the pave way with fear painted clearly on his face. Until his back met the gate and there was nowhere for him to run anymore.

“I found him jumping between countries to get away from us,” Lex said in a low tone. Oh, he was angry. Super angry. “He thought he could get away from us because he could teleport. Well, he certainly didn’t think that I am tenacious enough to follow his magic residue until I found him in Jamaica.”

Lex stretched his fingers and neck, an evil grin appeared on his face. He looked angrily excited. “What should we do to this warlock that dared to touch our Lady, boys?”

But when the others didn’t reciprocate his excitement, he fell silent. Especially when he found my body in Tony’s embrace. He didn’t need to check further to know that I was lifeless.

It was the first time I ever saw Lex looking like that. I don’t really know how to describe it. It started with a blank face, as though he couldn’t believe what he saw. Then his face darkened in a sad way. His lip lines drooped, his nose flared, and his jaws tightened.

He still looked angry, but there was sadness imbued on his silence too.

I could not help to ask myself, will Lex miss me? Or will he move on to the other Lady too? Will the others move on just like that? Have I not made any impact on their lives?

The last question sent a pang of pain to my bodyless self. What was I thinking? They were supernaturals who had lived for so long. Compared to their lives, my life was just a fraction of a second passing by their time.

There was utter silence for a moment. But I felt the air grew heavy around us, even though I was already dead. Fallen leaves flew in a circular motion around Lex, becoming faster with each second.

The warlock trembled even more in fear. Especially when a giant serpent appeared behind Lex. It was dark, made of shadows, but its eyes showed the same amount of anger toward the warlock. It hissed violently and then lunged at the warlock before Bar could protect himself. The snake swallowed the warlock whole. But the warlock’s scream did not end even when the snake had already curled itself on the side as though it was about to sleep. It seemed as though Lex just put the warlock on a torture chamber inside the snake.

“Is she…” Lex couldn’t finish his words.

Tony looked at Lex as though his heart had been ripped apart from him. Just one look into Tony’s eyes, Lex’s breath hitched. No one said another word afterward. No one even moved. Only the screams of the warlock filled their ears.

“This is my fault…” I couldn’t believe the words coming out from Lex. “I shouldn’t have let her walk away.”

“We should not have let her walk away,” Tony said.

Renald howled to the sky. A melody of sadness to the moon. He didn’t know that I could still see and hear them. He didn’t know I was still standing next to them.

“What do we do now?” Michael asked.

No one answered him. But I already knew what would entail after this. They will move on, find the next Lady because the cycle would still continue. While I… would probably walk in limbo in this world. They will forget me after a while because I was just another phase to them and hope that the next Lady would finally crown one of them as the Dark Lord.

It saddened me to think that they would forget me easily. To me, that was the real definition of being dead; being forgotten. As though you had never existed, as though you had no marks in this world.

I had to admit, I found this unfair.

At least at that moment, I could see the boys being solemn, being sad for me, even if it would not last long. They all looked like they were not ready to let me go yet. Well, I was not ready to let go of my life too. But, Lex and Tony, especially, looked like they would never be the same anymore.

It warmed my heart to know that at least two people in this world would be affected by my death. It was selfish, I know. But… it was better than to know no one really cared whether I was alive or not.

“You know,” Michael suddenly said, “We can always turn her into a vampire. Renald could do it.”

I stared at Michael who was still talking, “Renald’s werewolf side has made his vampire’s side duller than most vampires. So his ability to turn others into vampires is turned off. But if we lend our powers to him…”

In that instant, I saw Renald perked up his ears, listening intently. I also saw Tony and Lex looking at each other as if asking, ‘why we never thought of this before?’

“But… it will disrupt the cycle,” Lex said in a strained voice. I knew he didn’t really want to say it. “It will end the prophecy and…”

“The world would end,” Tony finished Lex’s words.

“The question would be; is she worth risking the world?” Michael asked.

Truthfully, I was not confident. No matter what, the world is far bigger than my life. How could I be compared to the rest of the world?

But when I saw Tony’s and Lex’s intent eyes, I thought that perhaps I had interpreted her words in the dining room wrong before. They never thought of me as just a phase. They wanted me, this version of the Lady to accompany them as long as I could live.

I knew they had made their decision. Renald was on board too. Surprisingly, Michael was cool about it all.

Don’t they have goals they wanted to achieve by becoming the Dark Lord? If they disrupt the cycle, wouldn’t that mean no one could crown the Dark Lord anymore and their goals would be unattainable?

Why?

Why would they choose… me?

Yet, it would be a hypocrite for me to not say, I did not want them to choose me. It would be a huge lie to say that I didn’t want to live again.

I wanted to selfishly, shamelessly, live.

So, I nurtured the bud of hope inside me as Renald transformed back to his man form. Lex, Tony, and Michael, all stood behind Renald and concentrated. I saw sparks of black, white, and grey circling them, becoming one with Renald’s veins. Then Renald opened his mouth, showing his long fangs, and bit my neck.

He didn’t bite me long. Afterward, he tore his palm and dropped his own blood to my lips.

I waited with a rapidly beating heart.

I waited to be able to open that eyes of mine again. To feel and breathe with that body. To be alive again. Was it so wrong to want to live?

But after waiting and waiting… there was nothing. I was still a bodyless soul looking down on my limp body.

I was still dead.

The bud of hope inside me crumbles into dust. I felt my heart lurching to the ground. I would never be able to come back alive. My life was done for. The cycle won and nature wouldn’t allow me to deviate from their rules.

Without me knowing, my knees buckled and I fell to the ground. The thump was loud in my ears but none of the guys were able to hear or see me. It was over. There was no way I could live anymore.

“I’ve learned that reviving a soul is a two-way street,” someone suddenly said behind me, “you can’t just rely on their power to bring you back to life. You need to give them something back too.”