Chapter 32: Our Bond, My Feelings

Chapter 32: Our Bond, My Feelings
Sydney
I can finally breathe. Being in the middle of a fight was the worst time for my heat to start. Thora was completely out of control, and it was terrifying. It took everything I could to hold her back. Keeping her under control was the only thing I could focus on when I felt Silas with me; Thora’s rage became a yearning that was even more intense. I couldn’t keep a hold on her any longer, and control over my body was yanked away.
“Sydney, I’m here. It’s OK.” I could feel Silas pulling me into the bond; it was oddly comforting. Thora and Bram were going at it in the shower, but I was disconnected from what was happening.
“I’m an emotional mess right now.” My spirit is shacky, and I honestly just want to scream, but at the same time, I want Silas to hold me close as he did hours ago.
“Focus on me. Let it all go. I’m not going anywhere.” I search through the bond till I feel something warm and comforting. I reach out and latch on; it surrounds me. “Even like this, I can hold you.”
“What is this?” I feel safe and relaxed. It’s not a physical space, but I can feel everything as if it was.
“My dad once described what ‘being in the bond’ felt like, and I think that’s this. This is the space our wolves normally inhabit.” I feel almost disconnected from Thora but fully connected to Si.
"I don’t want to leave.” I fully let go and embrace ‘being in the bond.’
“Does that mean you want to be with me forever?” I feel Silas’ bond form pull me closer. It’s so strange it’s him, but he’s made of pure white light. I can see my own bond form, and I’m red like glowing embers. He’s so beautiful, he’s handsome in his human form, but right now, he’s angelic in the bond.
“I don’t think I could leave you even if I wanted to.” I reach up, touching his cheek. “I didn’t know anyone could be this beautiful.”
“You’re such a vivid red. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything so awe-inspiring. I don’t think a sunset is as majestic.” I don’t even know if you can call it a kiss in this form. As Silas pressed his glowing form to mine, I understood why the bond was so special. In this empty, quiet space, we could just be. I could feel the space around us becoming stronger, weaving together like a blanket on a loom. I basketed in the security of the space and the warmth of my mate. Peace.
We kissed and held each other entangling our bond forms till it almost seemed we were one forgetting the outside world and its stresses. I felt the space around us finish its tangled construction as I felt a tug. It was time to switch.
“I’m not ready to go yet.” I hold on to Silas as tight as I can.
“Sydney, you’re still in my arms in the bond or out of it.” He was right, but it felt different here. “Whenever you have your heat, we will make the most of being in the bond. We have two full days.”
I feel the tug again, but I let it pull me back this time. I have never been completely disconnected from Thora. Even as a pup, when she was dormant, I was still connected to her. This was the first time I was connected to someone else. I am pulled back, and I’m in control of my body again. I look into Silas’ deep eyes, and I know he feels the same.
“I’ll never stop holding you.” He whispered in my ear. I feel a new heat rising in me; It’s mine, not Thora’s.
The shower is still washing over us. I don’t feel the blood and grime from the fight tugging at my skin. “Let’s get out of here.” I want this to be our moment.
Silas puts my feet on the ground and turns off the shower. I quickly grab towels and tenderly dry my mate from head to toe, checking for any cuts or scrapes that all the blood could have obscured. I don’t see any, but I see the scars on his back, and I am reminded of the pain Silas keeps locked away.
I must have been lingering too long looking at his scars. Silas grabs a towel and turns around, doing the same drying and checking for wounds, but there’s something so gentle and protective in his touch.
He stops at my Alpha mark and wraps his arms around my waist. “I was so scared those rogues would figure out you were the Alpha, and I wouldn’t make it in time to help you fight them.” His embrace is shaky and tense.
I want to ease him, which is a first for me. Silas makes me feel like I finally have someone to stand by my side.” You got to me when I needed you. Thank you.”
Silas picks me up bridal style and carries me to our bed without another word. “I’ll never let something like today ever happen again.” He hovers over me, kissing me tenderly. What is this? This feeling? “Why are you crying? What’s wrong?” Silas has a panic tone.
“I… I don’t know why. They just started coming out.” I give a shaky laugh. I know why but I can’t say it. Say it out loud would mean I have to face it, and I don’t want to. I pull Silas to me. I need to feel something else, something physical.
Silas pulls away and looks at me carefully, “Thora?”
“Nope, just plan, old Sydney.” I run the back of my hand over the contours of his chiseled jawline.
He took my lips, and his ruff hands roamed my body. We’ve been together so many times already, but this feels new. Maybe because Thora and Bram were not influencing us, they were in the bond. It was like it was all new.
I closed my eyes and let my other sense take control. The feeling of Silas’ skin against mine, his breath heavy. The harshness of his stubble against my inner thighs, the soft wetness of his lips caressing my most sensitive spot. His skin was hot and slick under my hands. The air was thick with the scent of our arousal. Our collective moans seemed to reverberate off every surface. Every part of me is screaming for more.
Silas kisses me, and I taste my heat on his lips. “I need to be in you,” his voice is low and determined.
“Nothing’s stopping you.” I slowly open my eyes. Silas is looking at me with a savagery I’ve never seen before.
His gaze doesn’t leave mine as he pushes into me. Unlike his fierce eyes, his actions were tender and gentle. My toes curl, and my back arches. Has he always felt this good? My moans are only met with grunts and growls. Why does it feel so different? Is it because of my heat? I don’t even feel Thora right now.
I feel my climax build; I scream out at the sudden burst in my core. Silas releases with a deep growl. His large, heavy frame goes limp on top of me after. I didn’t mind this giant male crushing me. I wasn’t trying to get away or roll him off me.
“Remember, you’re mine forever,” Silas whispered in my ear before rolling off me.
I just lay there, not moving. His forever. Did I belong to him? No, but yes? Belonging and owning are different in ways. Why didn’t that bother me, me belonging to him? I guess I forgot how it felt to feel like you have a proper place in the world.