Chapter 34: Before the Ceremony

Chapter 34: Before the Ceremony
Sydney
It was like déjà vu and an out-of-body experience at the same time. The rushing around me, the poking a prodding, the crying and giggling. It’s just like before but with a different set of nerves tearing through my body. This mass chaos swirled around me, and I couldn’t focus on any of it. It was like I was watching someone else’s life. I just needed to get my mind right.
I just finished my first heat, which started at the worst time possible. I’ve kept myself away from everyone for fear of accidentally hurting a pack member. Being forced to spend all that time with Silas wasn’t as bad as I thought. Especially the moments we got to be in the bond space together. I’ve never experienced anything as claiming and peacefully before. Now it’s back to reality. I am more nervous about the Lumiere ceremony than I was my own.
This ceremony was significant to our pack’s recovery. It showed that not only did the goddess bless us with a new Alpha but that the bloodline would continue with welcoming the Alpha’s fated mate and the pack’s Lumiere. What is this knot in my stomach?
“He’s not going to run away.” Thora huffed.
“I didn’t say he would.” I snarled back.
“That’s what you fear. You are afraid of losing someone you love again.” Sharing your brain and body with another soul really got annoying sometimes.
“I never said I loved him. He’s a necessary means to an end. He’s my fated mate meaning he will be the best choice to produce the next Alpha. That’s all.” I tried to shut Thora out.
“Keep telling yourself that.” Thora shut me out instead. Damn, Alpha wolf.
“Alpha. Alpha Sydney!” I heard my name being called, pulling my focus back to the organized chaos around me.
“What?” I looked around to see a young lady staring at me. She’s one of Luna Celeste’s Glam Squad. What was her name again?
“Please sit here so I can do your hair for the ceremony.” The woman smiled and twirled a comb in her hand like it was a dagger, and she was an assassin.
“Oh yeah.” I moved to the makeshift hair styling station and took a seat.
“Oh, Sydney, would you mind holding Birch while I get my makeup done?” Luna Amelie plopped the puggy bald baby in my lap before I could protest.
“Sure.” I guess I need to get used it this. I would have one of these things someday. I looked down at the baby boy, and he just stared right back at me. It was so odd it was like he was analyzing me as well. He was going to be an Alpha one day, so who knows.
“He likes you.” I heard the faintest whisper and slightest tug on my dress.
I looked down. I see a timid version of the Alois twin from last time. Rose, I think, was her name. “Alpha, please keep your head still.” The hairdresser scolded.
“Oh, sorry.” I looked straight ahead into the mirror hanging in front of me. I could see the little girl playing with the hem of my dress peeking at her baby brother. Would my children be this loving toward each other one day as well? I wonder what it would have been like to have a sibling.
Just then, one of my curls broke loose from the hairdresser and tumbled down to the waiting grasp of baby Birch. He didn’t pull on it just giggled and held on to it tight.
“He likes your hair.” Rose cooed. “He’ll like hers one day too.”
These kids always say weird things. I just it’s a kid thing you know that saying ‘kids say the darndest things.’ Whatever that means. She’s sweet, so I don’t want to scare her, and most kids run away from me. “Thank you. Everyone born into my family has hair just like mine. Even my dad kept his long as a symbol of our family.”
“Is your puppy red?” I could feel her big green eyes staring up at me. It made me smile.
“Yes, my wolf is a red wolf too. All Eld wolves are red wolves.” A small smile looks back at me in the mirror. I forgot I knew how to do that. Talking about my red hair and Thora made me think of my parents. It was the first time in a long time that thinking about it made me happy.
“I like it when you smile.” Rose giggled softly.
“Oh, you do; why is that?” I smirked. Birch let go of the curl, and the hairdresser worked it back in.
“Because you look nice, and your face is pretty when you do.” Rose leans up and kisses her brother’s cheek.
It’s funny. I think I might have heard that before. I look into the mirror, watching the hairdresser work her magic on my unruly curls. All the rushing around behind me buzzing about but in front of me on my lap. It’s a sweet hidden scene between these two siblings and me. I felt like I was seeing something from someone else life. Like I was a thief stealing a precious moment. Watching Birch and Rose was so calming. Is this how it could be to have my own family. Could I have moments like this for myself? Would Silas want to be a part of those moments, or would he enjoy space? I know we don’t love each other, but maybe we could still be happy together.
Could the infamous Alpha Syd Vicious have a happy family life even if her mate didn’t love her? This is what I want again. I want to be part of a happy, loving family. I know we will have a pup to carry on as Alpha, but because we produce an heir doesn’t mean we are a family. I don’t even know if I will be a good mother. Silas will undoubtedly be an amazing father since he seems to be good at everything he does. Do I even know how to love? Do I love anything now?
Birch starts to cry, and I smell something awful. Rose pinches her little button nose, “I think he pooped.” With that, she ran away to tell her mom.
I didn’t think I would be happy for baby poop to pull me out of my dark spiraling thoughts, but whatever works.
“I’ll take him.” Amelie came and picked up the screaming infant from my unskilled arms. Maybe I was getting ahead of myself; I didn’t even know what to do when they cried. Now I wish my mom was here. If I have a pup, I don’t have anyone.
“We do have more around us. You just keep your eyes closed to them.” Thora huffed.
We seem to be at odds more since becoming Alpha. “My eyes are open.”
“What about Katie? And let’s not forget about Silas’ mother, Christine.” I didn’t know what was more irritating, Thora’s tone or that she was right.
“Katie has two to take care of, and Christine is not a pack member.” I didn’t want to let her win.
“We’ll see when the time comes.” Thora snorted.
“All done, Alpha; what do you think?” The hairdresser held up a mirror behind me.
“It looks fine.” I really didn’t have much of an opinion on hairstyles. I would have just thrown my hair up in a ponytail like normal.
“Alpha Syd, before we go out to start the ceremony, I just wanted to say I’m so excited for you and Silas.” Luna Reece was Alpha Conor’s mate. Since Silas’ birth pack was the Amaris pack, they came to be part of the ceremony. “The Youngbloods have a long and strong history in our pack, and I am happy we are now bonded by blood.”
“Thank you, Luna Reece. I am happy that you and your mate recognize our union and are willing to guide our pack as we rebuild. The Alpha Eld line will forever be in your debt.” I hope that sounded right. I’m still trying to get used to this formal way of talking between Alphas and Lunas. What I want to say is thanks, but I have to put all this context with it.
There’s a knock on the door. “Alpha Sydney, It’s Beta Christine Youngblood. May I come in?”
“Yes, please do.” What’s one more ranked member and my mate’s mother.
“I’m so happy to see my son’s Lumiere ceremony. I would never have imagined he would be mated to an Alpha.” Her smile was so sweet, but I was frozen in place. “You look so lovely, my dear; my son’s a lucky wolf.”
“Thank you. Having Silas by my side is a blessing granted to me by the goddess.” I guess formal speech is best with everyone around.
“I came to walk with you to the ceremony if you would permit me?” The pride in Christina’s eyes made them sparkle.
“Of course. We should get going. It’s almost time.” I tried to match her smile the best I could.
With Celeste leading the way, we made our way to the back garden. This is it.