Chapter 38

Raymond lifted his glass to his lips again, "bottom's up" he murmured and down his throat it all went. He dropped the glass with a thud on the table before picking up his whisky to fill it up again.
Ha, he can't believe this, he has suddenly become a drunkard and he knows not the reason.
Oh shit, he knows the reason, he just doesn't want to admit it. But it's not bad if he admits it now, after all, there is no one here. Not just anyone but one particular person. Katherine.
She is not here so she is not going to look down on him if he should admit it, so he can, just for this night. Only this night.
He has not stepped his foot in his mansion for the past one month now, why?
Because he misses her and he is afraid of missing her more when he goes home. He doesn't want to feel the emptiness there now that she is gone.
He can't believe it, it's only been a month and he is going crazy. He wants to see her.
Hell, he wants to kiss her.
To make sweet passionate love to her just like their first time.
To tell her how much he misses her.
Hell, he wants to tell her more than that. He wants to tell her he likes her.
No, that he think he has fallen for her.
Hell no, that he has fallen for her!
He found it strange to believe that he has only gotten a hold on his feelings for her after she is gone.
Gone!
Left him for good!
He picked up his glass and downed the entire content in a go. He placed it back on the table and filled it up once more.
One year, she lived with him.
One year she was within his reach.
But as the fool he is, he let her pass him by.
She escaped from his clutches. Why?
Because he is a fool to not understand how he truly feels for her.
Because he is a coward who couldn't stand straight and admit that he has fallen.
Because he couldn't admit that his childish bride has bended his knees.
The one woman whom he believes will never catch his eye brought him to his knees and he was so egoistical and prideful to admit it. Why?
Because he didn't want to lose to her aunt. He didn't want her aunt to lose her respect for him.
Ha, and here he is, wishing he can take back the hands of time.
Wishing he had done the right thing. Wishing he had claimed her when his heart first started beating for her.
"Well, aren't you a fool?" He murmured.
But no, no amount of words he call himself can change the fact that he had lost her. He has lost his Felicity.
His darling Felicity!
He picked the whiskey and drank straight from the bottle. He chugged down the whole content in a go. He breathed heavily and let the bottle slip from his hand, breaking into two when the bottom hit the floor.
He ran his hand through his hair drunkenly and sighed heavily.
Losing her is not his only problem but how can he see her?
He hasn't forgotten how they parted. He had gone to her at night, drunk, woke her from her sleep and led her through an endless night of passion. Then he had left before she woke up and she had to see him kissing her naked friend just after leaving her room.
She had ran away crying, he should have gone after her. He knew what she must have been thinking and just a few words from him would have pacified her but no, he chose to let her go. Believing it was for the best. Hoping for her to see him as the fool he is.
And now, he is sure that she sees him like the devil himself. But why wouldn't she?
She gave him her pure heart and her sweet innocence. But what did he do? After enjoying her body and her love, he shattered her heart by letting her best friend whom he had once promised her to not allow come near him again kiss him, naked, in his room and she had to see it and he didn't bother to explain. Is there a bigger fool than him?
He got up and staggered to his mini bar, he fetched out another bottle of whiskey and opened it, chugging down half it's content in a go. He clumsily walked back to the coffee table and slumped on the floor.
He wants to see her. Even if it's just for a minute, a second, he will love that. He wants to do what he should have done a month ago, to explain to her. To tell her he never did anything with her harlot of a friend and then when she forgives him...
That's if she forgives him. He will tell her to stop being friends with her and then he will take her on a vacation. He will show her a lot of things and then he will make her his woman.
She had wanted to become a woman for him, then he will let her. No, not just let her, he will guide her, he will teach her and then... If Katherine allows him again, he will marry her, truthfully now.
No contract, no duration.
He will make her his, he will marry her because... Because...because he loves her.
That's right, he loves her.
There now, did he die?
Admitting that he loves her now did he die?
So why didn't he all those months ago?
Why didn't he tell her how much she means to him?
Why didn't he cast away his pride and admit to Katherine that he has fallen for her niece?
What's so wrong there?
What's wrong in losing sometimes?
Besides, he wouldn't call that losing, it's a win.
The biggest win he has ever had because he gained the heart of the purest woman on earth.
A woman who loved him unconditionally. A woman who doesn't make request for something before he can sleep with her. A woman who doesn't want to be the spokesperson of his company brand before he could touch her. A woman who doesn't want him to make her an international model with his fame and name before they can share a moment. A woman who doesn't require him to become a producer of a movie in other to get her to becoming the female lead. A woman who doesn't want him to buy her the latest Channel handbags and rarest diamonds. A woman who doesn't want the whole world to see her as his woman. A woman who has never requested for him to introduce her to the whole world as his wife.
A woman who sees him as a man and not a ticket to stardom.
A woman who loves his heart and not his bank accounts.
A woman who loves the pleasure he brings her and not the fame his name will bring her.
A woman who blushes just at the sight of him and not at the sight of the paparazzi who follows him around.
A woman that finally moved his heart that he thought he doesn't have anymore after being abandoned by his own parents.
He would have won such woman if only he had conceded defeat.
She would have been by his side now if only he hasn't been prideful.
She would have been at his home now, waiting for him everyday to come back from work and run into his arms shouting, "welcome little Ray."
Little Ray!
Oh, he misses how her voice used to sound when she calls him that.
He missed being called that by her voice.
He brought his whiskey to his mouth again and sipped, because of how fast he swallowed, he was choked by his lovely liquid, deriving a coughing fit from him. He dropped the bottle on the floor and the remains of it's content spilled. Messing the room more.?
He laid on the floor with his eyes closed, his thoughts touching everywhere and nowhere. No, he can't live like this.
He has to do something.
It's not that late yet, it's only been a month. He can get her back, she can forgive him.
He just have to apologize to her and Katherine and they will forgive him.
Yes!
That's what he will do, he can't go on like this.
Their divorce is still under process and he knew, soon, his grandparents will hear of it. He needs her by his side before then. To give him strength and to pacify his grandparents.
He just have to try.
Very soon the board of directors will start complaining about him. He knows that. Although no one has said anything to his face but he knows, after all, he can't remember the last time he has been to the office. Morris had been the one doing everything and should news get to his grandfather, then it's double trouble.
Just barely two months of handing the family legacy to him and his already channeling it to it's downfall.
He tried to get up but the spilled drink slipped him and he fell, hitting his head on the couch.
He yelped and grabbed his head tightly as he tried to minimize the pain. His vision turned black and he saw stars. He tossed and turned on the floor in pain. He really need to stop drinking too much and he also needs to allow the housekeeper to clean up the house.
While trying to numb his pain, he fell asleep right there on the floor. Cold. Lonely. And heartbroken.
***
Katherine pulled over in the driveway, she sighed as she rest her head on the seat with her eyes closed. It's been a long day and nothing will be better than taking a cold shower, eat some fried chicken then go to bed and stretch her old bones. That's if you will call her that old at forty three.
She picked her handbag from the shotgun and removed her key from the ignition. It's going to be lonely tonight as always, but perhaps she can watch some episodes of her favourite TV shows. If she can be awake till the end of them anyway.
Ah, she miss her.
A lot.
It's been boring and lonely since she left but she knows it's for the better. The worst is that she doesn't know when she will be seeing her again. Perhaps with time she could ask for a leave and then go see her.
It's a good thing Mercy volunteered to go with her, if not she wonders how she would have been able to rest easy when she is so far away from her. Although they talks everyday on video call but it's not the same like the time she comes home to see her jumping around.
Katherine shook her head to clear her thought, she doesn't need to think about all these now. She needs to go take her shower and have her fried chicken while watching her shows.
She opened the car and got down, locked the door and turned to walk onto the side walk only to receive the shock of her life, "my goodness, you scared the hell out of me!" She shouted as she placed her hand on her chest to catch her breath, she leaned on the car and stared at the man in front of her coldly, he has some nerve showing his face to her.
Well, she shouldn't have thought that judging by the fact that he is her boss and she sees him at the office. Only that she had never seen him since the day she discussed with him in his office on when to pick Felicity up. "Why are you here?"
"Katherine" Raymond called, he had tried to freshen up today but one who knows him well will still notice that he looks like a mess. His hair was not neatly combed and he had unshaved stubbles on his jaw which looks about two weeks old. "Can I see her?"
Katherine snorted, she shook her head unbelievably at him, "she left your house and you showed up here after one month asking to see her? Did you really think it will be possible?"
Raymond sighed, "Katherine, I know I'm the worst but please, just a glance at her. That's all I'm asking."
Katherine was surprised, what's going on here? Isn't this the same high and mighty Raymond Baldwin asking no, pleading to have just a glance on her niece? Has the world turned upside down? Or is she hanging off the earth?
Raymond could see the shock on her face and he knew what she must be thinking. He looked down at his feet as the king in him told him to turn back and walk away. But he knows better now, Katherine is his only ticket at seeing her. His only ticket at having a peaceful life. He looked up at her again, "please. I understand I have no right coming here, asking to see her as the contract forbade us seeing once the duration of the marriage is up."
"Good that you know" she crossed her arms on her chest as she watched him.
"I know, that's why I'm pleading. I just want to see her, to clarify something to her."?
"Yes, to remind her again that you will never fall for her. That you will never see her as a woman. That her best friend is better than her" Katherine frowned as she remembered what Felicity told her about him and Grace and her voice turned colder the more she speaks "it's okay. You don't need to clarify yourself anymore, we have gotten the message and I promise you, we won't come looking for you, so if you will please leave now" she walked by him but he grabbed her arm, she glared at him "let go of my arm."
Raymond could sense the threat on her voice and he quickly let her go. Normally he would have laughed at the tone of her voice and still do what he what he wants but not anymore. He can't act foolishly anymore, "Katherine..."
"What's with Katherine today or have you forgotten my last name? Let me pull at your memory, it's McCarthy, that's what you always call me when we are alone, and besides you don't need to keep acting like we have some familiarity, our contract is up. This Katherine you are calling me is getting on my nerves so please, switch back to your McCarthy, it's shows how you always hold my family at arms length."
"Please...let me see her" was all Raymond could say, he knows he shouldn't fight with her anymore, after all, he is the one begging now.
"No, not in this lifetime or the next. I will never let you come close to her ever again" she turned immediately and walked away.
Raymond stared at her leaving figure dejectedly. He must have hurt Felicity a lot that Katherine is like this. Normally, she will never say no to him in his face without faltering because he is her boss, but now, it looks like she doesn't consider that anymore and he blames no one but himself.?
The sound of the door slamming woke him up from his thoughts and he stared at the closed door longingly before turning and walking back to his car.