Dear Father pt.3

In...Out...In...and Out. No matter how many times I said those words, my lungs weren't working. I was being choked by an invisible force of my own making. Four times I had attempted to write something down for Father. All the ideas and things I wanted to say were jumbled. My heart was clenching causing more tears to roll down my cheeks, staining the paper just as Father had.

*Dear Father*,

*I'm at a bigger loss of what to say to you..*.

No that's stupid too! I went to crumple up my fifth attempt when Sam stopped me.

"Just put down however you are feeling. You're Father won't care Aileen. Trust in him. He'll be happy to read anything from you."

Read it? Father had never read anything I'd written. That's why I could be honest. Besides, even if I did want to, there was no way to deliver this. Shiuku would never allow it.

Disgust worked its way up me. Just to be able to write again, I had to use Shiuku's lust to my advantage. I had to use my body to get what I wanted; like a damn slut.

*Think of anything else.* I had no desire to throw up anymore today.

Sam tapped her foot. "You and your Father are both going through something horrible. You both need each other. Aileen..."

"There's no way to get the letter to him. Whether she wants to or not." Devon interjected.

"You go off randomly right? Next time you leave, take Aileen's note?"

"And be tortured to death upon my arrival back? No."

"But-"

"No."

Sam was getting angry, so I placed a hand on her shoulder; holding her back. "Sam it's fine. You remember Shiuku and his aura? What he did to your friend. Can you blame Dev?"

"Leave Devon. You can go outside my room until she's ready to deal with Jacob." My friend turned back to me. "Hands, pen now."

For a brief second I figured Devon would argue about being ordered by Sam. He technically outranked her. If Devon chose to kill her, I doubt Shiuku would make much fuss.

The door slammed shut behind Devon. I had no idea he was upset until I heard the cracking. Pieces of wood chipped from the impact. So he didn't like following Sam's command? Then why do it? He truly was a confusing man.

"You love him." Sam stated out of nowhere.

Love him? Of course I love Kalum. He was like a second Father to me. Anytime I so much as whimpered, he was there. The one who was sent to pay the ransom, Kalum. The one to hold me the whole way home, while my little body was coated head to toe in blood; Kalum. The one by my side when Mother died; guess who?! Kalum.
The world was horrible. Kalum was the last person deserving of death. I deserved it more than him! There can't be many sins worse than marrying the strongest demon lord to exist.
Kalum left this world. I hope he didn't linger. At least, tell me God was kind enough to take him quickly.
SNAP I broke another pen lost in my own head.
"I do love him. I have for a long time."
Sam was startled when I answered. Minutes had passed since she'd stated her observation.
A line formed between her eyebrows. I reached for another pen, this one blue ink. Not very professional using multiple inks, but he'd never read it anyway.
"Just how long have you known Devon? I thought you two were strangers before?"
"Why are you bringing up Dev?" I was completely at a loss. We were talking about my deceased family member.
She blinked as something got into her eye. Did I misunderstand something? Most likely I had missed part of the conversation. I wasn't exactly in a good state at that moment.
Sam sighed loudly. "Work on your letter. Don't think of anything. Just let your hand glide on the paper."
I may be a kidnapped bride, but I was still a demon lord's wife and a princess. Sam had no authority over me!
One warning look from my friend was enough to seal my lips before speaking. She made waves with her arms. Okay, I understood that one enough. Let the waves of my imagination flood the paper!
I let go of everything going on, focusing on nothing. The pen started forming letters without consulting my mind. I freed myself like I would back in my purple lilac covered room. Love, the white tiger would still be guarding my bed.
Think of nothing, let your emotions out.
*Dear Father,*
*I'm at a bigger loss of what to say to you...I love you and I'm glad that you're at least safe. Jacob has waited quite some time to deliver it. Even then, he was too scared to hand deliver the letters. Devon was the one to give me all your messages. Currently, Jacob is tied up in some room waiting for me. I'm not sure what's going to happen when I get there. I know both you and Trevor want a piece of him, but well, I may lose it again. I don't know. I'm sure he's sweating with fresh images of what I did to the monster on DSS soil. What Jacob did was worse, or at equal. He knew how badly I craved meeting my family.*
*Six years; for six years I wanted to see my family again. I finally had the opportunity! I'm still slightly mad no one in the DSS told me that you two had shown up somehow. I'm sure they had their reasons and frankly, I'm tired of the blame game. Someone can explain it when/if I get out of here. The fact remains, I waited six years to talk to you and Kalum; but I was only able to say a handful of words to either of you. Now he's dead, beyond hearing anything I've wanted to tell him.*
*Guilt stabs at my chest every second since I read that letter. Kalum had been there for me through everything. I understand being the king kept you busy and I don't blame you for that...but you can't blame how I feel towards Kalum for being there for me. He is like a second Father to me. Some girls don't have even one Father to look up to. I was fortunate enough to have two. I always knew that one day death would call for you two. I just wasn't ready yet. And I should have been there.*
*No matter what I wish I could say to him, nothing is bringing him back. There is no use listing all the what ifs. I will always love and respect Kalum for everything he was. I hate that he left our small family...But we still are a family. You have me and I have you.*
*Neither one of us are perfect, but we have to rely on each other. You mentioned Trevor, Tom, and Lena... They can be your family too if you open yourself up. I learned pretty quickly here that trusting people is still a great risk. Yet, having a small group of loved ones is a nessasary part of life.* *Father, you are my strength and have taught me so much I still use here in this dimension. Listen to this piece of advice I have. Give them a chance. Don't seclude yourself.*
*You didn't want me alone reading all that, I don't want you alone reading this. Devon did stay by my side the whole time like you asked. I didn't tell him to; he just did. When I got sick, he held my hair back. Anytime I've needed someone here Devon was there. So...no more talking about adding him to your list okay? He's incredible and braver than he lets on. I can see you two getting along very well if situations were different.*
*I will always remember our promise Father. Do not worry so much. I don't betray those I love. You and Kalum will always be in my heart.*
*Your daughter,*
*Aileen Lutz.*
.
Sam wiped away the water from my face before it could smeer the letters I wrote. I stood up and headed for the broken door. Devon had destroyed the hinge as well. Not that I really cared at all, because only one thing was important to me right now. It was time to confront Jacob.
"You two ready to head down?" Devon's voice was light as he led the way. Neither of us answered. We just followed him through long dim hallways.
Passing by random sets of knights, I noticed they all had swords in top shape. I guess Shiuku was all about having practical decorations lining his halls. I showed my teeth at one of the empty suits and stole his sword. I figured Devon would stop me from snatching a weapon. Rather than fighting me over returning the sword, he simply shrugged.
Right, Shiuku wanted me to kill Jacob. Wielding a heavy piece of iron would help. Mentally I wondered if Jacob would piss himself upon seeing me. I wasn't going to present some innocent sweet little girl to him. No. I was going to show him what a cruel stone-heart bitch a girl could be, when someone fucks with their loved ones.
Be ready Jacob, here I come.