Chapter 17

SOMA:

Should I be worried about the fact that he just said he has no spirit wolf? Or is he trying to pull my legs here? Definitely not the latter because we haven’t known each other enough to warrant him trying to play games with me in such an important circumstance like this.

Nothing about his expression says he was even attempting to joke around. He looked dead serious as I have always known him to be, although today, he has shown me more than one emotion to know he could also react to things like every other people.

I wasn’t going to allow the curiosity of wanting to know what he meant by that statement to eat me up so I ask, “What do you mean you don’t have a spirit wolf? Aren’t you a little older than eighteen?”

“I am..” he says instantly.

“How old are you then?”

“Twenty-four. Will be in some months’ time,”

I’m still trying to figure out what he did mean. Even after thinking, what he said still makes no sense to me yet. How can he not have a spirit wolf even at this age? Seems he’s not being truthful here.

“This doesn’t make sense to me,” I say, frowning deeply at him just like I did before when I started to confront him. “How can you tell me you do not have a spirit wolf at this age? For goodness sake, you smell like every one of our kind which is an immediate giveaway about your identity. Can you now explain what you truly mean by your initial statement?”

“I’m sorry if this seems to be confusing to you, Alpha Soma—”

“It’s Soma. I already told you before,” I correct him after interrupting him.

“Okay,” he seems to draw in a deep breath before he finally does what needs to be done, “Soma,” and then I felt different hearing him say my name for the very first time. Feels odd but I will allow it. “This issue I’m presenting to you is complicated. That is why I didn’t want to talk about it at first,”

“Do you want to know the number of times you’ve mentioned the word ‘complicated’? I also do, because it’s been said a lot of times by you. Telling me the issue is complicated won’t solve anything. You need to go straight to the point so I can understand what’s going on.”

He gives me a look that I do not understand what it entails because it has a mixture of struggle and other mixed emotions that leaves a man on top of a fence. Luis right here was going through that dilemma and it only wants me to know what he really meant when he said the thing about having no spirit wolf.

“Do you know anything about the term ‘cursed’ among those in our kind?”

The question he throws at me feels awfully familiar. I can basically remember coming across something like that but it’s being difficult to remember where after knowing how much of an issue I have in my head. Won’t even be enough to carry such a fact at all.

“I might have because it feels like something I’ve come across,” I tell him and then switch to telepathy with my other personality. ‘And what about you, Rainia? Know anything about it?’

‘I do,’ she says, ‘and it doesn’t look good.’

‘Tell me about it, then,’

But before I could get a response from her, Luis says something that has me shifting my focus back to him.

“You see what you just did now? The telepathic communication with your wolf? I can’t do it. Can’t even transform into a wolf because I don’t know if I even have one. I don’t even see myself having one.” he announces.

“But how can that be possible? Everything about you says you have one in you. You smell like one. You act like one. And like hell, you are strong. Have you forgotten you stalemated me in a fight?”

“I have all of that, yes, but I have no spirit wolf in me. Why do you think you find the mate bond between us a lot complicated? It’s because I can hardly feel what you are feeling. And since I cannot, there is no way you can give the feeling in you a definite explanation.”

I think I want to stand up to my feet. I do not feel comfortable anymore, especially hearing what he is saying. Doesn’t even feel right to me in any way. I want to believe but I am struggling to. I really am.

I have to force myself not to get up to my feet yet. But with the way things are turning out to be, I know I will be up on my feet in no time. “Didn’t you say you are turning twenty-four?” I ask him, trying to get the facts right.

“I did.”

“That means I’m a year younger than you are. I’ve got my wolf since I was sixteen. One of the rarest breeds, I know, because the standard age for getting one is eighteen. So, what you’re trying to tell me now is that you’ve been wolfless since turning eighteen about six years ago?”

“Exactly what it is. And that is how it has always been for me.”

“But you are one of the warriors. Don’t the others know about that?”

“The only reason I was made a warrior is because of the equal strength I possess to the others. When they figured I could do the things the others could do, especially seeing in the dark which isn’t as hyper as everyone else’s, I was made to be one. Because of being without a wolf, I’ve suffered a lot of mockery from the others because they see me as an inferior,”

The pity that overwhelms me soon after he tells me that cannot be described. It came from the pit of my guts and was filled with a lot of irritation for those that even thought it was wise they make fun of him for not being like them. Damn, I wish I could see any of them. I wouldn’t mind ripping them apart.

“But how can you be this strong? How? Do you have an explanation for it?” I want to know and that was why I was pushed to ask him that. Hopefully, he has one for it.

“I don’t know. The only thing I know is that I started feeling like I have acquired a wolf a year after I turned eighteen. I woke up one morning feeling different and I discovered I now had the strength of the others that had bullied me for a year. It was strange. But I think that is one of the reasons it is called ‘cursed’. That should even be the only reason. Wolflings like me without a wolf are like outcasts in the territory. Although it might seem like we are fine, we know what we are suffering. I’ve met about two of my kind to know that we are all suffering the same thing.”

“I’m sorry that you have to go through a lot,” I have to tell him because the remorse of knowing his struggle is weighing me down already. Not just me, but Rainia as well.

“Don’t be,” and for the first time since I’ve met him, he smiles at me. But it is a dry one. A smile is a smile after all. “The moon goddess probably had her reasons for making us this way. So don’t worry about me. I’m good,”

I sigh, shaking my head in the process to get my head clear from thinking about everything that he told me. The way I feel now is just too complicated and I can see just why he has been mentioning how complicated everything is for him.

Not being able to take it again, I stand up from my seat, not even caring to adjust what I have on me. Thankfully I chose flats as my footwear and not heels or I might have tripped when I stood up a little aggressively.

”When you mentioned about hardly feeling anything, do you mean you can feel even just a little bit of the pull? Make me understand that part,” I was backing him at first, but to get the answer to the question, I turn around to face him.

“Perhaps I can. Perhaps I cannot. But just like I said before, it’s complicated to an extent that I don’t think it can work out between us. Who would accept me being your mate knowing that I cannot be with a wolf? Nobody.”

“That’s where you got it all wrong. I make my decisions myself. Nobody does that for me. So I don’t think you need to worry about that part. If I want us to make this work out despite the circumstances surrounding everything, then there’s nothing stopping me from doing so,”

“And would I be able to handle the pressure?” he asks, narrowing his eyes at me.

I put my hands together nervously and close my eyes to take my time to get my head cleared. After I open my eyes, I say, “We’ll figure something out, Luis. I know we will.”