40. Butt Stuff

**Ryan Damison**

* *Conversation in background* *
“What if she rejects me?"
I take a long drag from the joint, consuming the intoxicated smoke deep in my lungs. The weed hits right at the spot, where I want it to be. I stay stoned on the spot, oblivion to the people around me and what they are talking about.
"You can never get rejected if you don't ask her out." Ken smokes up as he gives his priceless advice.
"Just start behaving like you are in a relationship with her and if she liked you, she will start behaving like yo girlfriend too."
*What the hell are they even talking about?*
"What if she doesn't behave like my girlfriend, then?"
"Then she will tell her brother and he will come to beat yo ass." Ken says while gently grooming his ginger beard.
"What if she doesn't have a brother?"
"Then her dad will beat yo ass." Ken is not only a friend but also my manager and owner of underground fights. It all started with him fighting for bets and little cash. He was known as an Alpha of Alphas. A beast who couldn't be defeated.
"Bro, if the romance leads to marriage, then where does the bromance leads to?"
"To the butt stuff, Thomas."
Ken hardly lost any fight. He was fierce. His moves were turbo and feral, something that couldn't be interpreted before the strike. He was the Alpha of underground fights for a decade until he took a retirement.
"The hallmark of a great relationship is anal."
And now, with all that money he owes mansions, imported cars, real estates, and he turned his old past-time hobby into a fight clique.
Wolfram, an illegal fight club operated under Ken's claws where he earns millions of dollars from other people's pain and punches.
Ken is a legend, and there is no doubt.
"Bro, are straight people too flavorless for gays?" Curiosity drips like a drool from Shawn's face as he sits on a blue chair, wearing a navy blue shirt and ruffles through his blue hair on top.
*Motherfucker!*
"I don't think so dude, gay guys have hit on me many times. I think they think I am hot." "Oh mahn! Me too." "Yeah bro, that's totally me." "Me."
"Wait... Who here kissed a dude? Or kissed by a dude?"
Suddenly, I hear a pin drop silence. I look up and see all the guys raising their hands in unison, looking at me weirdly. I raise my hand, following them so they don't think I am not listening. "Yeah!" I nod.
"Right! There ain't nothing gay about kissing men."
"Yeah! Two men kissing ain't gay, that's manly."
"Totally! Nothing is more manlier than two lads fighting with their tongues.”
They all nod at each other.
I can't even follow the conversation as my mind is preoccupied by something, or I say someone. I massage my temples as I look at the deep blue swimming pool in front of me. From past a few days all I see is blue.
Blue cars. Blue dogs. Blue water. Blue hair. Blue balls.
Just blue and fucking blue.
"Right, kissing men is not gay. But liking it is gay." "Yeah." "Yah!"
It all begun since I saw her in her tight blue jeans and blue hair. Now everywhere I look, I see this damn color.
Blue reflects differently in my eyes. It’s like my eyes have turned into a desperate whore, searching for blue heads in the crowd.
I think I am sick. My eyes are sick.
"I accidentally kissed my girlfriend's brother and it was the most traumatic experience of my life. I felt his beard in my mouth that I didn't wanna feel. I don't understand how girls do it."
"Yahh! Girls are so gay."
After that, I have seen her couple of times on the campus, roaming alone with earphones on. I generally pretend not to notice her coz I think she would scream and faint if she knows I check her out.
I mean, she does have a gorgeous ass.
"Seeing penises is not gay."
Her plum lips quite frequently appeared in my mind after I tasted them. Their softness never left my lips. Like a ghost, their touch still lingers on my tongue. Now that I think, our kiss was not too bad. We could have done better.
First, when I read her book, I was surprised. I have never read porn before, and especially not about me. My imaginations ran wild knowing she wants to get spanked by my large gorilla hands.
Since that day, she caught my attention, so fiercely. A girl with kinky sexual desires, what else could I ask god for? She has to be my soul mate.
"Shaving your butt is not gay."
I laughed out loud when I read her inner thoughts about my dick. ‘Ryan's massive King Kong cock looks like a wrinkly dog.’ Who writes that?
It was like reading a comedy porn of myself. But she thought my skin looked soft like Beyonce's hair, so I'll let that pass.
I bet she imagined me and her in all sorts of positions. At one point, I wanted to make her fantasies real for her, just like she described.
Word to word.
Moan to moan.
Orgasm to orgasm.
Fuck to fuck.
But then I read something that made me change my mind; '*Ryan is into gay porn.'* Whatthefuck?
Does she think I like watching guys fuck? Does she think I am into dick and balls? Why the fuck she wrote I enjoy watching gay porn?
"Penetrating your homies is not gay."
Well, I did watch it once, and it was Daniel who showed me where two guys dressed up as Star Wars' stormtroopers and banged on the couch. But we were alone, how come she saw us?
I mean, watching gay porn is not gay, right? I just watched it for additional information and yes, the costume. It was all about the theme.
But I still can't solve this Disney mystery; Why Amara thinks I have a doubt in my sexuality? Maybe that's why she didn't follow me on IG and spammed me with DMs like other girls do.
"Ryan ain't saying nothing..."
I so badly wanted to prove to her I am totally into girls that day, but Zydick and that motherfucker popped in my teaching-her-a-lesson class.
"You ain' gay mahn! Chill." I look up as someone pats on my shoulder. I immediately jerk his hands off my body and curse, "Bitch! I am straighter than the pole your grandma dances on."
The word gay now hits me harder than the color blue. The guy blinks at me as he confusedly says, "But my grandma is on wheel chair, bro."
"Shut the fuck up, Two-mass." I snarl in anger. "It's Thomas, actually." He replies, awkwardly. *Hell I care!*
"Whatever." I smoke up and throw the burnt bud away. *Dumb fucks! All of them.*
"Hey, calm down Ryan. Eat this, I freshly ordered them today.” Ken intervenes like a wise old owl and forwards a blue color packet. *Again this color!*
"No, I don't like sweets." I shake my head and look away from the packet that smells of dark chocolate.
"It's not that sweet. C'mon, just once." Ken insists as he again forwards it. I reluctantly take a piece of corn puff from the packet as they continue to discuss.
“I am also straight. In fact, I am so straight that I don't even touch my dick while peeing. My friend Blake holds it for me."
"Even I'm so straight that I only date lesbians. Because straight women like dick and that's so gay."
"Lesbians are more sexy than straight girls." "Yeah, right?"
*What the fuckery shit they are talking about?*
"Hmmm..." I chew the corn puff that is tasteless but munchy. It has a strong coco aroma and extra crunchy, but tastes nothing like it smells.
"Is it good, isn’t it?” Ken asks me as he watches me excitedly with an open mouth. "Yeah! It’s good. What is it?" I ask him curiously as he passes the chocolate corn puff to everyone.
"It's my new dog food."
"FUCK YOU KEN!" I open my mouth and spit the remaining crunchy, deliciously smelling puffs.
"Hey.. Hey.. It is made by the best nutritionists in the world. And it’s a top-notch in animal supplements." Ken keeps on babbling about his dog food while we all puke our gut out.
"Chill. It won't turn you into a dog." Ken cooes as he pops the dog food in his mouth and chews while casually watching us all throw up.
*This fuck minister!*
"I am so done with you all." I stand up, scraping my dry tongue with my teeth, try to move its residual taste as I walk away from these mofos.
One can never decipher what goes through Ken's mind. He is like a dark deep pond, you will either find dead fish or a shy crocodile in there.
Music bangs loudly from the house, along with howls and screams as I walk past the mansion to my car. I just couldn't understand why Amara won't text me? Hell, she didn't even follow me on any of my social media accounts.
*Does she even know how to use a phone?*
I scratch my scalp as I go through vehicles to find mine. Blue-white-blue-black-blue. I am so tired of this color. My shoes dig in ground as I halt and look up. Midnight blue sky backs at me. *Fuck!*
I aggressively rub my hands on my face as I try to delete her cute face, innocent eyes, plum lips and fucking blue hair out of memory foam mattress.
*I am sick of thinking about her.*
And on top of that, Shawn and brainless Daniel colored their hair the exact same as Amara. Even if I try not to think about her, these idiots constantly keep reminding me of her. I think I need a brainwash. Wherever I look, I think she is there. I can feel her ghost everywhere.
Or maybe I am going paranoid over a girl who is writing fantasies about me but not texting me.
Suddenly my eyes freeze at the corner of the building as I spot Dakota. But he wasn't the one that caught my attention.
It’s the girl with black tight dress whose blue hair is gripped tightly in Dakota's fists while she is bent to her waist in front of his pants bobbing her head up-down-up.
*WHAT THE F-*