49. Sex Education

**Emara Stone**

“Ah-hem. In humans, males and females have different bodies. And those different bodies have different functions and those different functions have different goals and those different goals have different results."
*Should I take notes?*
"And those different results have different consequences, like AIDS, STDs, Herpes, Syphilis, lice."
*Lice?*
"Surprise marriage, expenses, a crying baby, diapers, in-laws, more expenses."
*Wait... where is he going with this topic?*
I and Ethan share a confusing look as our father continues to talk, "That evil mother-in-law, phone checking, poop-filled diapers, prenup."
*Wait... Are these side effects of sex?*
"And these consequences can suck the happiness out of your life and can give you a very painful death."
"Erhm dad! I guess you went off the topic.. A long ago." I try to catch his attention. "Oh no, sex. I remember we were talking about sex." He jumps on his left-right toes, like a warm-up before the game. "Haha, sex!” He nervously laughs. *Should I run away?*
"You see kids, sex is... It is like an extra Oreo in the pack when you thought it was empty." *What?*
"Sex is like stepping on a brown leaf and hearing its crunch."
"Sex is finding out you are positive for Coronavirus and not HIV."
*Mom, dad is being creepy.*
"Dad, I think those are analogies. Your experienced analogies." I pass a smile at Ethan but he rolls his eyes at me.
"Allergies? No, I don't have any allergies. Actually, I got stung by a bee that's why my lips are swollen." Dad pulls his lower lip showing us the sting. *Ewww!*
"And do not ever call your wife or girlfriend honey in front of bees. They really don't appreciate and probably try to confront you, physically." *That's it!*
"Dad, I don't think you know much about sex-ed." I should have known this the moment he mentioned lice.
"Oh, no. That was just starters, now we will begin with the main course." His eyes slowly glow with strong determination. Wait... Will there be dessert too?
Dad rubs his palm like a rapper as he continues, "Okay then, sex. When a guy... puts his location in a girl's... destination..."
*Are we talking here about Uber? I am confused.*
"That's it. I am leaving." Ethan instantly stands up, all ready to leave daddy's creepy educational class in the middle. *What a wuss!*
"Oh, no! Stay. Please. I request." Dad looks at him with pleading eyes, I immediately raise my hand in doubt. "What location dad? Is it out of the United States? Coz that would be too far."
Ethan, with a deadpan look, sits back on the couch like a pissed-off aunt. Whereas dad looks more uncomfortable, constipated, and under severe hypertension.
"No, no. Not too far. You don't get it Emara, what I wanted to say was, when a guy's... thing which we also call in slang as-"
"Pee pee, wee wee, ding dong, magical wand, the third leg, disco stick, baby maker?" I ask excitedly. My dad shakes his head as he says, "Uh-no. I was gonna say..."
"Wait, I know, purple bald head."
"What?"
"The womb broom, yogurt shooter, cucumber, bed snake, vagina miner, thermo-"
"Junior! I was gonna say junior." Dad yells while passing a cold, shivery glare. *So what if I forgot one word? He doesn't have to be rude!*
He glares at me for a few seconds but then continues, "In laymen's term, sex is when the D goes into V and-"
"What about anal? Is it still sex if the D goes into A?" I politely ask him while raising my hand.
Ethan looks at me with joined eyebrows whereas dad looks at me with heated burning eyes. So hot that even Sun would need Pluto to cool his ass.
"No, Emara. Anal is not sex. Anal is a SIN." His voice becomes lethal like Rambo after two beers. "And if any guy asks you that or even mentions it, I want you to bring him directly to me. Got it?" I nod rapidly like a good girl who didn't have drunk sex last night.
*What about fisting?*
Psychoses drip from his face as he points his finger and warns me in a severe dead tone, "And with only one partner at a time. No threesome or with girls and definitely not group work." *Why he is telling me?*
Or is he indirectly giving me new ideas?
"And the most important thing kids, do not forget protection. And I am not talking about faith in God or prayers for protection from evil spirit, I am talking about the actual transparent latex armor." This time he points at Ethan and nods his head aggressively.
"Nothing is more important than protection. You don't breathe, that's fine. You don't have condom, that is not at all fine." He gets too comfortable with the tutor play, "Dying is fine but having unsafe sex is not."
Suddenly it hits me, sweat pricks over my skin in nervousness as I think of last night.
*Did the maniac use a condom?*
*A balloon?*
*Or even polythene? Did he?*
"Condom is equally important as oxygen. It not only protects from getting fat for 9 months but also from those recurring expenses. And disease and in-laws."
I don't want to have mini lunatic Ryans running after me, who yells at me for not breastfeeding them. I can't. This is horror!
"Ha ha, okay. Thanks, dad." I think I had too much of daddy's knowledge today. "Just do not forget the protection. That's how we lost Freddie Mercury and how we got Justin Beiber."
I stand up straightening my dress and fixing my hair. Ethan strides away hiding his nose. Whereas I try to quietly disappear but my dad immediately stops me, "Emara, can I talk to you for a second?"
*Wait... Is this the dessert part of the lecture?*
'I guess." I smile at him, beautifully. "That guy, Rose's brother." I instantly freeze and stop breathing. My hands slowly grab the hem of my dress and start to stretch it south, hiding the naked kitty cat.
*What does he know?*
Dad looks directly into my eyes as he warns me in a low voice, "Any guy would work, but not him." I stand there with turbulent heartbeats and havoc of thoughts.
Dad pats my head and quietly walks away to the kitchen from where the delicious smell of frying potatoes is coming.
Honestly, I am not surprised, Ryan is nobody's favorite.
He is an asshole. I still can't believe he kicked me out of his room but then again how nice of him to drop me. *Oh god! Why won’t you let me just hate him?*
But then again I can’t forget what happened. I giggle as I take my heels in my hand and climb the pipe that goes to my room. I had sex with Ryan. *The evil prince. Yay!*
By the time I reach my room from the window, I realize my room is too small, plain, and indigent. There is no soft rug below my feet nor have velvet curtains. I am so penisless. I mean penniless.
I still can't stop thinking how can someone get lice through sex? I think he was talking about pubic lice. It has to be.
I look at myself in the mirror and almost scream at the horrifying reflection. My eyes look like panda's, deep black holes. Lipstick is long gone, only its red stains have remained at the corners of my lips. The eyeliner is smudged and is surpassed my nose to the other cheek like an annual graph of losses.
I look like a cheap whore who would agree for a gang bang video for only ten dollars.
*No doubt why Ryan didn't ask for morning sex.*
. . .
I take a good one hour in the bathroom to clean my hair, face, and pussy. I wrap the towel around me like a life jacket and walk into my room like a diva. Peasants bow down.
I check out myself in front of the mirror swaying my hips and circling my ass. I am such a bomb.
"Emara?" I hear a soft knock and someone calling me. "Who?" I clutch the towel tightly as I ask. Nobody in the house calls my name that gently. "It's Ana."
"Ana!" I yell opening my door and hugging the life out of her. "Oh my god! I thought I lost you." She cries. "I thought too." I cry too.
A few moments later...
"You slept with that asshole?" Ana's eyes get big like an egg. "What is his size? How thick he is? Does he fuck good? Can you stand?" She excitedly asks me.
I change into my PJs as I reply, "I was too drunk to remember all that but I checked he had deep blue marks on his ribs and back."
"You are such a hoe." Ana spanks my ass as she teases me. I laugh along. "Ana, but I think my hymen didn't break."
"What do you mean?" Her eyebrows scrunch up. "I didn't bleed." I sit there with a confusing face.
"I didn't bleed too. Not all girls have their hymen intact, some break it accidentally and others deliberately." Ana actions two fingers pushing in and out of her jeans. I see.
*This is the real sex education.*
"Chill, it is pretty normal to not bleed. But the pain is real and I didn't walk lady like for the next 24 hours." Well, here I climbed the pole.
"But I can walk properly and I don't feel any pain down there." My voice tiny like a dwarf.
In fact, I climbed the pipe back to my room like a pro.
"Wait, you guys really slept, right?" Ana asks me with a serious doctor's face. I nod like a good patient. "Hmm, well that means he has a tiny cock." She concludes the theory like a professional.
*Ryan has a tiny pee-pee?*
*A baby crocodile?*
*A miniature Godzilla?*
*A toy dinosaur?*
"If Ryan has a tiny penis, does that mean I won't get pregnant? As it would be too small to reach till my..." I use my super-fast brain.
"Yes, you can babe. Tiny cock or not, cum and pre-cum will get you pregnant."
I feel my heart pondering as I breathe heavily. My brain can't stop imagining small bald kids with Ryan's growling face, cursing at everyone in kindergarten.
"Emara, did he use a condom?" Ana asks in a whisper.
"Frankly, I don't know." I bite my lips nervously. I hope my ovaries are lazy like me and didn't catch any sperm.
"You need to ask him. It's better to talk than get pregnant." Ana pulls out my phone from her pocket and gives me, "Btw, your phone was with me and that township game was amazing."
"Yeah, that's the best." I unlock my phone and confront with loads of notifications, there were good mornings from college groups and some memes from Hardick.
Others were simply death threats from Ryan's Fanclub on Instagram. ‘I’ll eat you alive’, ‘Chop you off mercilessly’, ‘Nailcutter you bit by bit’.
I ignore all of them and slip into Ryan's DM typing,
*'Hey, we need to talk.'*
And send.