Chapter 59 Is Sorry Enough?

Anna wiped the tears off her face as she pulled in at the lake. Lake lure was just far enough from Asheville that no one would look for her there. She tucked the keys in her pocket and walked down the dock. The sun was setting and twilight had not yet fallen on the lake yet. Anna took off her shoes and put her feet in the water breathing deeply. The tranquility had always been an escape for her and she needed it now more than ever. They’d rented a trailer about a mile from the lake every summer before her mom died. They’d never had the money for a real vacation.
“Maybe I can just get in the lake and keep swimming,” Anna muttered as she wrapped her arm around herself as the tears continued to make tracks on her face. “At least then I wouldn’t have to feel this.”
She’d seen the misery out of control rage and jealousy caused. She’d seen it on the face of her mother for years. “I guess I thought I knew what to avoid. How did I end up in the same situation?” She thought to herself as she watched the sun sink over the lake.
“I never thought I would end up just like my mother. I thought John wasn’t like that but it seems like I’ve fallen into the same trap.”
Anna rubbed her arms as the fading sun left the lake caught in shadows. She looked down at her reflection in the lake and saw the shadows lurking in her own eyes. As a child she’d run from any kind of commitment thanks to her parents screwed up relationship, she’d only trusted John when he’d earned it.
“Is it possible I married someone just like my father?”
“I hope not.” A voice said from the shadows claiming the lake.
Anna turned and saw John standing on the edge of the lake by the dock. She wanted to jump up and run but he was blocking the exit. She sighed and turned back to the water hoping he would go away. John did not take the hint.
“Go away, I really need you to stay away from me right now.”
“I can’t,” He said softly as he walked slowly down the dock. “If I do I might lose you and I can’t do that.”
“I’m not kidding get away from me if you push me I might practice my boxing on your face.”
“I understand and I’m willing to take the chance.”
“How did you find me?”
“I actually guessed you’d be here. “ He said as he sat down beside her.
“I thought no one would know where I was,” Anna said as her body tensed and she scooted away.
“I knew you would come here.”
“How?”
“You used to rent a trailer here one week a summer remember.”
“I’m surprised you remember.”
“I told you I remember everything about you.”
Anna pinned him with a glare and blew the curly red hair out of her eyes. “Obviously you don’t remember why we rented it.”
“No, I guess I don’t.”
“To get away from my dad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“John my father was abusive and his jealousy was out of control.”
Joh looked at her in shock. He’d known of course that Anna was illegitimate and looked down on by much of the town because of it but he’d thought the relationship between her parents Leah and Ray was a good one. Anna’s expression told a much more awful tale.
“That’s not possible,” John said quietly as he stared into her eyes “That was the scandal, your mom was having an affair with a married man. They were supposedly so in love.”
“They were John,” Anna yelled out jumping up and walking to the end of the dock, “but it was far from perfect, my mother was beautiful and my father was jealous.”
“Your mother was beautiful,” John agreed to remember the woman with the ready smile and her daughter's blue eyes. “But she never even looked at anyone else, she loved your father.”
“She did, but he was always so worried that she would get tired of being a mistress and leave him. Every time a man so much as looked at her or was nice to her he flew into a rage. He accused her of horrible things and he hit her John.”
“No” he whispered softly as he stood and faced her “ I never saw a bruise on her. No one in town ever saw anything, I would have heard, you know how my mother loves to gossip.”
“She loves it and loves to start it.” Anna agreed not looking at him. “She was the reason everyone knew in the first place, did you know that?”
“I didn’t.” He said quietly ashamed of his mother once again. It seemed to be a pattern forming.
“Oh yeah!” she laughed bitterly, “she told his wife and everyone else who would listen that he had himself a side piece and a bastard.”
“Anna, I’m...”
“I need you to shut up right now John. I don’t know what I’ll do if you interrupt me again.”
John looked at her and went silent again waiting for her to continue.
“He beat her and he beat me, at least if we were here we got one week of peace a summer.”
“That’s not possible, I would have known.”
“So now I’m a cheater and a liar right?”
“No, Anna…”
“Listen to me John, he left the bruises where no one saw them, he was very careful. But my mother was convinced that he loved her and me so much, she trusted him and he hurt us both. He was the reason she died.”
“Anna what are you saying? He didn’t’ kill your mother.”
“He did!” she screamed her voice echoing across the lake as her fists clenched. Her insides felt raw and a rage darker than any she’d felt before swum inside her.
“Anna your mother died in a car crash.”
“A car crash he caused!”
“I don’t understand,” John said softly trying to move closer to her.
“Don’t give me those sad looks like I’m crazy and you pity me! They had a fight and she took off and got into an accident.”
“That doesn’t mean he caused her death, it was an accident.”
“But there’s a difference,” She said as she stepped back again not letting him get close “He refused to pay for the surgery that would have saved her. John, he let her die.”