Hidden Feelings

The day goes by and one meeting seems to blur with the next. My brain is foggy and I am unable to really focus on anything. From trying to figure out my past, my feelings for Elau and the guilt I have towards Maeve I almost feel like I should give everything up and go home. It is overwhelming, and I am definitely not doing a good job today as an Ambassador.

“Nic,” Amelia’s voice snaps me out of the blur, “Are you ready for dinner?” She stands in front of me at the meeting table. I look around and I am the only one still sitting.

“Oh sorry.” I stand and push my chair into the table, “I was lost in thought.” I follow Amelia out of the room and join the other Ambassadors in the hallway.

“You know it is odd that the Prince wasn’t around today.” Luke comments as we walk down the hallway towards the dining hall.

“I’m sure he had other things to take care of.” Maeve responds covering for him. We make it to the dining hall and take our usual seats around the table. We sit in silence for awhile none of us sure what to say. The day has been long and had an unusual start. It feels as though we all sit in limbo. Finally the silence is interrupted.

“Princess, you would tell us if we should be concerned about something, right?” Benjamin asks Maeve.

“Of course, why do you ask such a question?”

“Well after what we overheard this morning if there are any issues with opening the border our jobs are at risk and I would want a heads up for that.” Benjamin speaks while picking at his food.

“I don’t think you have anything to worry about.” Maeve starts sounding very political, “When, and if there is anything to be concerned about I will give all of you forewarning.” She smiles at us, “Please don’t worry when there is nothing to be stressed about.” Maeve takes a couple of bites from her plate and then stands. I think I am going to go for a walk. She disappears into the hallway.

“For some reason I don’t feel any better.” Luke whispers to Amelia. I stand and the others stare up at me.

“I.. um… excuse me.” I say before rushing out of the dining hall following in Maeve’s footsteps. “Maeve,” I say catching up to here. She turns and looks at me with teary eyes. “Would you like to talk?” I ask her, knowing that talking with her may be a bad idea. She nods at me not saying a word. I grab her arm and pull her through the hallway till we are outside and sitting on a bench in the courtyard alone. “Maeve, please, tell me what is wrong?” I question her.

“Well, I don’t know. I just… I’m not sure everything is going smoothly with Elauthin.”

“Oh, I see.” I say feeling my guilt creeping up on me.

“And well…I don’t know…I …Maybe I don’t want it to.” She confesses with tears streaming down her cheeks. The guilt dissipates at this.

“What do you mean?” I wrap my arm around her shoulder.

“I just… I have spent my whole life doing what I was told. So when my parents told me about this union I had tried to accept it. I just don’t want to marry someone I don’t love.” She blurts out and covers her mouth with her hands, looking up at me with red cheeks.

“And you shouldn’t have to.” I say rubbing her back, “Your parent should be so proud of the daughter they have raised. You will be an amazing Queen, and they should trust that whoever you decide to marry will be someone who will help support you and has the best interest for humans.”

“I just don’t know how to tell them that.” she pauses, “And it is nothing against Elauthin but he is so distant, and he won’t even speak to me about anything. How am I supposed to marry a man who barely looks at me?”

“I think you should write to them. Tell them how you are feeling and see what they have to say.”

“Can I confess one more thing?” She asks looking up at me with her large pretty eyes.

“Yes.”

“I already have someone I love back in Havestree.” She says and I feel a smile creep onto my face.

“Then go back home, and be with that person.” I try to encourage her.

“It’s not that easy. He works in our stables. My Parents would never approve.” She sighs looking down at her hands. “But he is so kind, and smart, and really cares about others around him. I think he is a natural leader.” I smile at her as she speaks about him and listen to all of her worries. “Nic, thank you for letting me confide in you.” She stands from the bench.

“Of course, Maeve. You can always come to me with your concerns.”

“I should be heading back in. I’m having a meeting with the Queen soon, and I need to make sure I don’t look like I’ve been crying.” She hugs me, “But thank you again Nic. I really appreciate it. Not a lot of people are kind enough to let me rant to them and keep it a secret.”

“Your secrets are safe with me, Princess.” I reply pulling away from her hug. “Just think about what I’ve said. You deserve a life full of love and happiness as well.” She smiles at me and nods before heading back to the castle. After this conversation my guilt is practically gone. Maeve doesn’t want to marry Elau and is in love with someone else. I should have spoken with her a long time ago about how she was feeling. I look around to see if anyone else was in the courtyard before turning in the direction of the grove. I wonder if Elau is around, we have a lot to discuss from today.