51

CHAPTER FIFTY ONE
LUCIAN
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I turned off the shower.
The burning anguish continued in my chest until my hands trembled from it.
Everything continued to replay in my mind, from the moment Brie was kidnapped to the doctor's words.
Nicholas and his bastard son were dead, I wanted to bring them back to life, only so I could kill them again.

She had said that it wasn't my fault, of course, it fucking was!
If only I had not hesitated to plan this through if I had saved her earlier.
Our baby! And my redemption would have been alive, it was gone before it was able to form fully.
I passed by the mirror, my reflection gazed back at me.
Loath seethed beneath my skin. I couldn't bear the sight of myself, the longer I stared the more burning intense feeling to ruin everything became.
A hiss of pure anguish erupted from my throat as my fist made heavy contact with the mirror. I didn't want to see that person which was me. The pieces of the mirror flew around, making shattering noises.
I watch the blood trickling down my knuckles, even the pain didn't provide me the relief I craved.
I wanted more!
Breaking the glass had been a mistake because now, I could see my reflection everywhere.
I hated it! I wanted to destroy all of them! My fist smashed the glasses I could come in contact with, the glass dug deeper, tearing through my flesh.
The pain was something I deserve and even more!
In the end, my knees gave way and I allowed myself to lean against the tiled wall.
The silence was oddly comforting, I didn't have the strength to fight everything anymore.
That was when I let my emotions show, covering my head with my hands, the burning sensation in my eyes started to fall as tears.
Just when I had thought that everything would be fine between me and Brie, it was all gone.
Even if she blamed me or even hated me for failing her, she could be right, because I deserved it!
I fucking deserved it!
~~~~
GABRIELLE
My eyes followed the trail of the bloodied glass pieces, what I saw next snatched the life out of me.
Lucian.
Sitting on the tile, his back was leaning against the wall. He was faced to me but I doubted he could see me because his palms shielded his face.
That was the sight that stopped me. His shoulders shook as though he was...crying?
I couldn't tear my eyes away, neither could I control the savage squeezing sensation in my chest.
The blood, I realized was from his hands. A low gasp escaped my mouth as I saw the ugly shards of glass sticking out of it.
How could he hurt himself so cruelly! I didn't realize that I yelled out his name and was currently racing towards him.
I leaned down to his level, the pain each movement caused me was the last thing on my mind.
"Lucian!" I called out again, my hand tentatively reached to touch his shoulder as though he was a ticking bomb that would explode the moment I touch him.
He lifted his head in my direction, blinking twice as though in confusion.
"You are not supposed to be here! You should be in bed!" He hissed, suddenly straightening to his feet. I followed the motion, his gaze was filled with hostility but I didn't think it was directed at me.
"Why did you harm yourself?" I whispered, starting to reach for his hand when he snatched it away, shooting me a glare that would be sharp enough to scar even a dead body.
"It's none of your concern! Get out!"
I didn't know why I felt hurt when he uttered those words, he was right, it was none of my concern. I should not have come here in the first place and shouldn't stay especially when he didn't want me to.
I nodded slowly and started to turn around when he suddenly caught me, his hands snaked around my arm, pulling me to his chest in an embrace. I gasped from the sudden movement, more due to surprise than the pain.
We stayed like that for some seconds before he spoke.
"Don't go."
It sounded like a plea like he was desperately begging me not to leave, and I didn't think he was talking about just leaving the bathroom.
"I won't," I whispered, suddenly feeling the urge to offer some kind of comfort to him. If anyone had told me in the beginning that a day would come when I would want nothing more but find ways to make him feel better, I would have laughed at their faces. Days ago, it had been unimaginable.

I pulled away slightly, grabbing his hand as gently as I could without causing him pain. I met his gaze briefly before shifting my attention to his hand.
"We should get this treated, I..still don't u...understand, why w..would you...?" I trailed off.
"You got hurt, our baby is gone I deserved it!" He spoke through clenched teeth, as though it was the most reasonable thing in the world.
I couldn't completely recover from the shock, I tried to fully his words, what he meant was that he had hurt himself on purpose.
Why would any sane person cause pain to themselves?
I felt sick to my stomach as I recalled those times he hurt me and tell me how I deserve it. And now, he harmed himself for what wasn't even his fault, something that was even a lie?
I always knew he could be twister, I just didn't think he was insane to this extent. A part of me was filled with sympathy, the other side of me wanted to know the reason a person would turn out like this.

"No you d..don't, it was an accident remember? If anyone is to blame, then it's those bad people! " I tried to point out but he didn't seem the least bit convinced.
"It was still my fault, you should hate me!" He spoke those last words, but the way he went stiff told me that he didn't mean them.
"I don't hate you Lucian" I murmured, it took me a moment to realize that I fully mean those words. Yes, I did hate him before, but staring at him now, it seemed all of that had vanished to thin air.
It still didn't mean that I loved him. Maybe staying with him for a long time was making me confused.
I couldn't tell if he believed my words or not, I hated not being able to read through his mind.
The silence prolonged and I grew uncomfortable under his heated stare, I had the feeling that he was trying to read into my thoughts.
"We should probably stop the bleeding first. " I broke the silence.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucian had gotten Fred to bandage his wounds while I lay on the bed. I closed my eyes thinking that tomorrow I would ask around, I probably should be able to find out the reason for Lucian's unusual behavior.
Memories of him grieving in the bathroom flashed through my head, he still had humanity in him after all. Maybe we could get a chance to work out?

The covers shifted, and I could feel him laying down beside me, I didn't have to look to know he was staring at me the whole time before his fingers started to stroke my hair.
No words were needed.
Silence had never felt so comfortable.
This was the first time that I didn't feel so nervous being so close to him. I grew more relaxed as he kept toying with my hair. Sleep started to form in my eyes, just as I started to drift into the darkness, I felt the warm brush of his lips on my forehead. I never caught the words he whispered to me before the nightmares came.

I dreamt of the shooting at the hospital. I saw the horrific sight of Casper being killed, his blood was everywhere.
And then I saw Lucian, in the dream, he was whispering that he loved me. I smiled in the dream because I knew that was something real-life Lucian would never say.

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