Chapter 45 - "Do you love me?"

IT FELT AS IF SHE HAD been waiting in the room forever before Alaric returned with her son. Lena jumped up and gasped the moment they returned, but she didn’t take Ben from Alaric until he handed Ben to her.

“Hi, baby. Where have you been?” Lena tried her best to stay calm, but she felt panicked. She was scared of what Alaric wanted to do. Breathing in her son’s smell, she noted something different. It was something sweet.

“I ate cream ice.” Ben announced, sounding elated, and suddenly everything made sense. His eyes had been darting back and forth between his two parents and he was clamping his tiny hands together tightly. Lena felt like glaring at Alaric, but she fought the urge.

“Ice cream?” She tried her best to keep her voice light and excited. Her son had not yet tasted sugar! Their food consisted of whatever they could forage in the forest or hunt. She didn’t dare go to a store to buy him ice cream and, besides, she didn’t have any money to do things like that. “Did you like the ice cream?” She made sure to say it as many times as possible so he could get the words right.

He nodded grinning and Lena finally turned her attention to Alaric to explain, but he held one hand up before stuffing it back into his pocket. He looked as if he was fighting the urge to take Ben away from her with his hands deeply tucked into his pockets.

“No need to explain. I know you did your best out there and that you probably didn’t have luxuries. Actually, Rebecca is the guilty one here. She gave Ben the ice cream while we talked.” Lena frowned for a moment as she noticed the slight blush on Alaric’s cheeks.

“Well, I take it you don’t want to nap, mister?” She turned her attention to Ben who was nodding so much, she was scared he might hurt his neck in the process. He was on a terrible sugar high and there was no way he was going to sleep. “Would it be possible to take him outside so he can run off some of this energy?” She was hoping Alaric would let her go with them, but she doubted that he would ever allow her to leave this room again. Alaric scratched the back of his head and then his voice popped up inside her head.

“Please, don’t run.” She could see the worry in his eyes. She had already made up her mind not to run. She couldn’t do that to her child. Things were very different now that she had Ben and now that Ben knew he had a father.

“I won’t.” She said out loud and little Ben frowned slightly. To distract him from the exchange, Alaric started to tickle him before he took him from Lena. He gripped her hand in his free hand and they went outside. Ben was finally free to run. It was a deliciously satisfying moment to watch the two men in her life play airplane on the grass as they chased each other. The sound of Ben’s laughter made her sigh.

She really didn’t treat her son right. He deserved to know his father. She took so much time from them that she could only hope that one day they would forgive her. At least, she saved Alaric from having to change nappies, although she suspected that he would have been great at it.

“Carbon copies.” Rebecca’s voice interrupted Lena’s thoughts and as she looked up, she found the young woman standing just behind her with her arms crossed. Lena nodded, not sure what the hell to say to her. She could apologize, but it felt as if it wouldn’t mean anything anymore.

“Yeah, Ben has so many of Alaric’s traits that it almost feels as if I wasn’t in that little mix.” She felt guilty the moment the words were out of her mouth and Lena realized that nothing she said right now would sound right.

“So?” Rebecca sat down beside Lena. “What happened that night? We thought you were kidnapped but when no ransom demand came, we finally had to accept that you ran away.” Rebecca didn’t look at Lena and kept her attention firmly on the two guys playing wrestling on the grass. Alaric was letting Ben win over and over and Lena hadn’t heard her son laugh so much before.

“Honestly …” Lena sighed. “I felt trapped. I felt as if I would never be able to just be myself here. I would never be allowed to be a blood witch and do my magic. I didn’t think the wolves would accept any of it after the war.” There was no use in lying anymore. If she was to spend the rest of her life here as one of their prisoners, she was going to tell the truth. Rebecca frowned as she looked at Lena for a moment and then returned her attention to the boys.

“Did you know you were pregnant?” Her voice cracked just a little and Lena knew how difficult this conversation must be for Rebecca.

“Nope. That was quite a surprise.” Lena burst out laughing as her mind drifted back to when she realized she was pregnant. Then she remembered the day she went into labour and how she went through the incredible pain all on her own. She had no idea what the hell she was doing or even if she and the baby would survive it all, but they did.

“Why didn’t you come home when you found out?” Rebecca sounded more like the young girl that Lena remembered as she turned her full attention to Lena. Lena shrugged, taking a deep breath before answering.

“I was in it. I had been hiding for a while and I knew all of you were furious with me. I couldn’t imagine that any of you would be happy to see me show up with a baby. I know what I should have done, Rebecca, but I didn’t.” Lena shrugged. Their conversation died down as Ben came rushing over and nearly knocked Lena onto her back in the process.

“Hey son! You have to be careful!” Alaric pulled Ben off Lena the moment he noticed that Ben had actually hurt his mother. She was clearly trying her best not to show it, but she was clearly in some pain. “Females aren’t as strong as us males, my boy. We have to be careful when we play with them. We can’t hurt them. Males need to protect females.” Alaric winked at the two girls who were frowning at him, but were amused nonetheless.

They all went inside when Ben yawned and Lena tucked him into Alaric’s bed to take a nap. She was getting ready to sit by the bed when Alaric took her hand and led her out of the room. They needed to talk and after what Rebecca told him through their mind link, he had some questions, and probably some answers to some of the questions she might have had.

When they were alone in his office, he suddenly had no idea where to start. Where did you start? He was furious, but he was so damn grateful at the same time. He wanted to strangle her, but then he also craved to make love to her. He wanted to forgive her for what she had done, but he didn’t even know if she had forgiven him for the horrors he committed. It was overwhelming to just think and he took a deep breath.

“Do you love me?” Nothing else mattered, really. If she no longer loved him, none of the other things would matter. She took a deep breath and pulled at her skirt without looking at him, but when their eyes finally met, he saw the answer in her eyes before she even spoke the simple word.

“Yes.” Her voice was so thick with emotion that it sounded as if she was about to choke on the word. “I’ve always loved you, Alaric. I just didn’t know if you and your people could love me. All of me. Now, I’m no longer laying blame when I say this. I’m just trying to explain my frame of mind at that time, but I truly believed that you would never allow me to be who I am. I felt you would always expect me to push away what defines me. I am a blood witch. I will never be anything else. I need to be able to do magic freely without the fear of being prosecuted for it.” Lena felt a huge weight lift off her shoulders as she spoke and she felt tears start to form behind her eyes.

The last thing she wanted to do right now was cry. She needed to say this. She needed to make him understand how she felt back then and how she was still feeling.