Dimitris

September 19.
...
I can't stop wondering what it must be like to be completely in his arms.
Iris was right. There was something special about Aris’s hug. Something comforting that I barely remembered feeling.
Of course, it wasn’t the same thing. I desired that girl in a way that was far from familial. But there was something in the sensation of being in her arms that reminded me of my childhood. Of my father, my brother... of being with family.
Back when I had a family.
I didn’t even know why I had returned after dropping Iris off. I had intended to head straight to the arena, but for some reason, an unusual concern made me come back to that place. It was as if I somehow knew Aris wasn’t well.
"Are you feeling unwell?" I asked after a long silence.
I immediately regretted it, as it made her pull away from me, sitting on the floor beside me.
"Physically, I’m fine. I think..." she replied, wiping her tears from her face.
"You think?"
"I’m just really tired. I haven’t been sleeping much because of the rehearsals and studies. And I think I’m also nervous about the selection for the championship. I need to make it through, or I’ll lose my job."
"You said your father and one of your mothers are businesspeople, and the other is a doctor. Do you really need this job that much?"
"I do. But not for the salary. I’ve grown very attached to the kids, and... it’s my way of staying connected to dance."
I told her once: it’s what makes me feel alive.
I really wished I could understand that concept of 'feeling alive.' For me, risking increasingly dangerous stunts on my motorcycle wasn’t a way to feel alive but rather to challenge death. It was what brought some excitement. Not from fear, but... maybe from defiance.
After all, death should have taken me eleven years ago. I was supposed to be in the front seat of that car, not my brother. The sensation of living a life I didn’t deserve was a constant presence in my days since then.
"I understand," I lied. "How many days are left?"
"Three. But I only have today and tomorrow to rehearse. Mrs. Magalos won’t let me use the space on Thursday. She insists I take a break and rest up for the selection on Friday."
"Alright. Show me."
"What?"
"How the choreography is."
"It’s a mess."
"I doubt it."
Sighing, she got up and went to her phone, which she had left on a chair, and started the music.
I sat there, just watching, thinking that what I was seeing was definitely the complete opposite of what one might classify as ‘a mess.’

I didn’t know a damn thing about dance, but I knew there couldn’t be anything more perfect and sexy than the way that girl moved.
Until she executed a jump that made her seem to float in the air. Her foot barely touched the ground, and she repeated the move. However, on the second landing, something went wrong and she lost her balance, falling to the floor.
I got up and went over to her, fearing she might be hurt.
"Are you okay?" I asked.
"Definitely not," she replied, irritated. Or as close to irritated as that girl could manage. She looked even more adorable when she showed frustration, as if it were an emotion that didn’t come naturally to her.
"And you still think what I do is dangerous?" I teased.
She rolled her eyes, and I noticed she was suppressing a smile.
"The difference is that when I fall dancing, the worst that can happen is twisting my ankle or hurting my knee. A fall from your motorcycle 'flights' could kill you."
I decided not to comment on the fact that I didn’t care about that at all and continued focusing on teasing her.
"It must be tough to do a jump like that. Especially since you’re back to wearing nun’s outfits."
She touched the high collar of her shirt and responded sarcastically, "Of course, because a high-necked shirt is really getting in the way of my movements."


"And what about that day at the restaurant? You didn’t even know me, but you defended me from your xenophobic friend."
"All I did was tell him to stop being an asshole. Not being a prejudiced jerk isn’t a merit; it’s the bare minimum."
"The bare minimum that bad people lack. But you don’t. Stop downplaying yourself, Dimitris. After that day, you’ve been nice to me several times. You brought me food, and today you came to check on me..."
"You have a lot of faith in people, Aris. What guarantees you that I’m not just being nice to get you into bed?"
"We’re alone now. We’ve been alone many times. And you’ve never pushed for anything."
"Technically, I was the one who kissed you at the beach."
"You only started it. We both kissed. And you didn’t try to push things further."
I leaned my face closer to hers.
"And would you resist if I did push things? We’re alone now."
"Deep down, you know I’m not going to sleep with you, Dimitris. Not yet."
"Not yet..."
What did she expect from me? A marriage proposal? A vow of fidelity? Flowers, maybe?
If it depended on that, she’d never be mine.
In fact, she would be if I wanted her to be. Not because I had any plan to force her, but because I felt, by the way she looked at me and by the rhythm of her breathing when we were so close, that she wanted it as much as I did. All I had to do was bring my lips a few centimeters closer to hers, and we’d be kissing again.
I’d have her as willingly as I did that morning at the beach. And I knew where that would inevitably lead us.
But Aris clearly expected more.
And she deserved more.
So, I pulled away, standing up. The music that had been playing on repeat was coming to an end and would soon restart.
"You’ll need to practice more if you want to nail that jump," I said, extending my hand towards her.
She took it, and I pulled her up. Once again, we were face-to-face, our bodies too close to each other.
Much closer than would be sensible.
So, I needed to be sensible and took a few steps back.
"Shouldn’t you be heading to the arena today?" she asked.

"Fine. But only when you finish this choreography and repeat it perfectly three times. Then you can rest, and I’ll head to the arena."
"That might take a while."
"I’m not in a hurry. You just need a bit of encouragement, and you’ll nail it. Think of it as me doing for you what you’re doing for my sister."
"You’re her teacher. How do you plan to encourage me? You don’t know anything about dance."
"There are other forms of encouragement. If you want, I have some pills in the car."
She laughed, realizing that, although I was serious, I was joking.
Not about the pills. I really carried so much illicit stuff with me that if it weren’t for my mom’s money, I’d have been in jail a long time ago. But I’d never offer any drugs to her.
"If you want my heart to literally explode..."
"Then all I can offer as encouragement is my company. Not that it means much."
"It means a lot, Dimitris. More than anything."
I was left speechless, and for a few seconds, we exchanged a silent gaze. I had to restrain myself from closing the distance between us and kissing her like that other night.
The music restarted, and Aris began to dance again.
This time, she managed to complete the choreography. The look of happiness on her face when she succeeded was so incredible that I thought maybe, just for tonight, I didn’t need to go to the arena.
I didn’t need to tempt death that night.
Because Aris made me want to feel alive.