Aris

September 23
I had no idea it was possible to feel like this.
In all the times in my life that I had imagined my first time, I confess, I envisioned something very different. It was always with a guy in the best prince charming style, never a bad boy.
But who would have thought that a bad boy could also act like a prince?
The way he cared for me, making sure that first moment wasn’t like most of my friends always described: much more painful than pleasurable, and rarely with an orgasm. The pain was there, but he made me forget it in minutes. And the orgasm was... Oh my God! I wouldn't even know how to describe that sensation with words.
But he also showed me his rougher, wilder side, his perfect bad boy face.
That was in the middle of the afternoon yesterday. We spent the rest of the afternoon and the whole night together. We stopped to eat, slept a little more, but... we did it again. Several times. And each time seemed more delicious than the last. We fell asleep in the early morning, exhausted.
And together.
I woke up before him. He’s still sleeping while I write this.
Watching him sleep so peacefully... so carefree of all the ghosts that haunt him day after day... brings me a tremendous sense of peace.
I was sitting beside him in bed, still naked, with my diary in hand – now closed after I finished writing everything down. Dimitris looked calm while he slept, and I remembered when he told me that he still had nightmares about the day of the accident that took his father and brother’s lives.
At that moment, however, he seemed to be dreaming of good things. It was visible in the serenity of his features.
My phone started ringing, inside my backpack, and I cursed it. I jumped up, rushing to grab it. It was message notifications, and I hurried to turn off the sound to stop the noise.
“Good morning...” Dimitris’s voice reached my ears, showing it was too late for that. He had woken up.
I turned to him.
“Sorry for waking you...” I said.
Barely had I said that, and I felt my phone vibrate in my hand again. Finally, I checked the messages. They were all from Ícaro, sending photos of the details of his party that was happening the next day.
I smiled, wishing I could be there.
Although I was also happy to be where I was.
I returned to bed and lay on my side, resting my elbow on the mattress and my face on my closed fist. I watched Dimitris for a few moments, noticing that the serenity in his expression had disappeared when he woke up.
My gaze left him confused.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
“I’m the one asking that.”
“It’s not me who’s looking at you with a worried face.”
I hadn’t even noticed that I was showing that feeling.
“It’s just that you don’t look well,” I said.
“After a night like that, that’s almost an insult to me, Aris.”
“It has nothing to do with the night we had. I’m referring to this worried wrinkle here.” I pointed to the spot above his nose.
He smiled slightly, but despite the other times I saw him smile, I didn’t feel happy because it was clear it was a smile of sadness.
“Today marks eleven years since the accident.”
“Oh, Dimitris... I’m so sorry...”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he said, turning to his side and bringing his hand to my face. “Especially not now.”
Then he kissed me. His hand traced my waist, moving up to my breast and starting to caress my nipple. Although it excited me, I wondered if it represented an escape for him.
It was probably a date that haunted him and brought back the memories he fought day after day to ignore. And I wasn’t sure if I wanted to have sex with him as an escape. Especially for a suffering that, in my opinion, would only start to be alleviated when he decided to face it head-on.

However, his kiss and touches intoxicated me in such a way that I felt completely unable to ask him to stop.
Fortunately... or unfortunately... my phone vibrated again, making a sound that, though soft, served as the alert I needed to regain my composure and pull away.
“Sorry...” I said. “I need to respond.”
He sighed in protest but said nothing as I replied to my brother’s messages. I was still doing that when my phone vibrated a few more times, with messages from my mother Iryna and my father.
“Are you always in such demand?” Dimitris asked, with a light tone of humor.
“Big family...” I replied.
“And they all decided to talk to you at the same time?”
“Have I mentioned that my parents are overprotective? They send me messages every morning to check how I’m doing. But most of today’s messages are from my brother. Tomorrow is his birthday.”
“Oh... Really?”
“Yes. He’s the same age as Iris. A little older, since he’ll be eleven tomorrow.”
“Iris will turn eleven in a little over a month.”
There was a certain tone of sadness in his voice, and I understood why. The memories of Iris’s birth probably weren’t the happiest for him. I already knew it had been very shortly after the accident and that his mother had spent the entire end of her pregnancy hospitalized.
And she had never been the same after leaving the hospital.
Just like Dimitris.
In an attempt to keep the conversation going to distract him, I said:
“And it’s my birthday too.”
He seemed surprised.
“Really? Tomorrow?”
“Yes. Along with my brother. We always celebrate together. My family is a bit upset that I can’t celebrate with them this year. I couldn’t tell them about the championship.”
“Tomorrow? I remember you telling me your birthday was in four months.”
“Oh... That’s the other birthday. The official one, which is on my documents... the day I was born and all that.”
“That’s usually the concept of a birthday.”
“It’s just that September 24th was actually the day I was reborn. The day of my transplant.”
He was silent for a few seconds, as if processing some new information.

"Transplant? Was your surgery a heart transplant?"
It was only then that I realized I hadn't specified the exact type of surgery I had undergone.
"Yes. And tomorrow marks eleven years."
"Eleven?"
He sat up on the bed, and his eyes began to wander around the room, as if he were caught in some spiral of thoughts.
"Dimitris? Are you okay?" I asked, concerned.
What could I have said that was so extraordinary it might have left him that way?
He looked back at me, more precisely at the scar that ran between my breasts.
Then, he suddenly stood up and, without saying anything more, simply began to gather his clothes and put them on.
"Dimitris, what’s going on?" I asked, confused.
He didn’t even look at me and continued to dress quickly, as if fleeing from something.
"I just need to leave, Aris," was all he said.
"Just like that?"
"I never promised you emotional stability. In fact, it was you who said you wouldn’t make me promise any damn thing."
The way he spoke... he seemed to be angry.
But... at what?
"Hey... Why are you talking to me like that?" I asked.
"The hotel is paid until tomorrow, Aris. You can leave whenever you want."

Grabbing his jacket, he began to walk quickly toward the door. I stood up and ran to him, grabbing him by the arm with the tattoos.
"Dimitris, is this because of today? You don’t have to be alone on a day like this."
He looked me in the eyes but quickly turned his face back toward the door, as if looking at me was something extremely difficult.
And that’s when I understood that it wasn’t the date, the memories, or any external factor...
It was me he was feeling all that anger toward.
"I told you from the beginning, Aris, that getting close to me was a big mistake."
"Dimitris..."
"Stay away from me, for your own good. And for mine too."
After saying that, he simply left, slamming the door behind him.
Leaving me there. Alone and completely shattered.