The truth of his father

*The Princess*
“What do you think of the girl ?" I ask.

“She'd look lovely on canvas." He answers.

Sitting at my vanity, I twist around and glare at the young blond Adonis with the golden eyes lounging on my bed waiting for me to finish my nightly rituals. All the various creamsI apply to my face, throat, and arms are all that keeps me from looking all of my forty-seven years. “Leo.”

I do not bother to hide my displeasure with his answer. He demands complete honesty between us. It had terrified me at first, but now I see the wisdom in it. It is liberating, and I have come to realize that no matter my faults, he will always forgive me.

He shrugs. “You think she could be his salvation."

“I hope she could be, yes. He seems so lost. While they don't say anything, I know Morton and Draco harbor much guilt over Zac’s circumstance. After all, they purchased his commission." I explain.

“And the queen sent him where she would. They couldn't have known that this bloody situation with the vampires was going to erupt into a godforsaken war that would not be over quickly.” He points out.

True enough. The newspapers had been filled with reports. And the casualties. So many casualties. The telegraph had shrunk the world, given the war an immediacy unlike any before it.

It had nearly killed me when I had received word that he had died. A mother is not supposed to have a favorite. But I must admit I do. I always had. Zac. I had adored his father with every fiber of my being. The Dragon lord of Lynn. He had been my lover when I was married to the dragon lord of West cliff. I have never told Zac the truth of his parentage.

Shame, when I was younger, had stopped me. Fear, as I grew older, trapped the truth within me.

Lynn had not even known. But since West Cliff had stopped visiting my bed as soon as I announced I was carrying our first child and never returned, even after our heir was born, I have no doubts regarding Zac’s true father.

I had gone to Lynn with the news of Zac’s death. “You must go to Krimoa and fetch his body. I’ll not leave him so far from home."

“Tessa, he would want to be buried beside those who fought next to him.” He said.

“I don't care what he wants. Call me selfish, but at this moment, I only care what I want.” I had admitted.

He had shaken his head. “This is a fool's errand."

And so I had told him that which I had sworn to never reveal. “He’s your son."

I had held him while he cried. I had given him a son and taken him away in the space of a solitary heartbeat.

He had admitted that he had sometimes suspected Zac was his son. But he had his own family and had been too cowardly to pursue the matter.

But I didn't view him as cowardly. I saw him as a man who wished to bring as little hurt as possible to those he loved. What is to be gained with knowledge?

It was when he had sent word to the army, alerting them that he would be arriving to bring back the body of Major Zac Dragan, that we had learned Zac was not dead.

It was when he had returned home that we had learned he was not the young man who had left.

My heart had broken all over again. How many times can a mother’s heart break? An infinite number. Each time my children are hurt. I have long ago accepted the pain of it, as well as the stoicism to never let it show. It is a mother’s lot in life.

“Are you going to insist that he marry Miss Dawns?" Leo asks me now, drawing me back to the present moment and my current lover.

“You grant me more power than I possess. When it comes to my sons, they will do as they will. Still, I don't see that he has much of a choice. The one thing he does not relish is disappointing me, so I might have a bit of leverage. I have no doubt that Zane is his son. I can already see the shape of his smile on his mouth. It would be unconscionable for him not to marry the girl.” I say.

He tilts his head slightly. “Zac’s father didn't marry you."

Leo, with his artist’s eye, had seen what I had tried so valiantly not to reveal that Lynn is Zac's father. “Because I was married at the time and well you know it. I never should have confessed to you about my indiscretions."

“I had already guessed them, my love, as well as your feelings for the man. I still long for the day when you look upon me as you do Lynn whenever he is near.” He sighs.

My heart nearly shatters. He asks so little of me, only this. Why can I not love him with the intensity that I do the dragon lord of Lynn? Especially as it is obvious to one and all that Lynn adores his wife. He had not been married when he was my lover. By the time I was once again without a husband, he had been spoken for and he is loyal beyond measure to his wife.

Leo holds out his hand to me. “Come and join me. Allow me to erase the sadness from your eyes.”

I can never resist him. Rising gracefully, I glide over to the bed, crawl onto it, nestling against Leo, and caressing his cheek. “I do love you, you know.”

“But not as much as you do others." He sighs again.

I open my mouth to protest and he touches his finger to my lips. “I do not resent the love you have for your sons and now your grandsons. I would never seek to usurp their places in your heart. I cannot even resent the lover of your youth, because at least through him you knew what it is to be loved. But he is not here now. Tell me you do not think of him when you are in my arms.”

“Never does he cross my mind when I am here with you.” I swear.

“Liar,” He whispers softly, and proceeds to ensure the words I have spoken take on a measure of truth.