Chapter Sixteen

"That doesn't make sense,” he says, voice trembling.
My brother joins us. He stands with a protective stance in front of me, staring at papa. “Steel, is he giving ya trouble."
His voice leaves no doubt. Kaseke would kill anyone and anything that threatens me.
I touch his shoulder. “No. It's fine."
"Ya sure?" Kaseke's voice is warm and soft. He tugs at me. Papa doesn't bother holding onto my hand.
"C'mon," I say, pointing to my sword. "We need to leave before someone sees it?"
"Oh, yeah." Kaseke nods, catching on. "I forgot the Bakantwa is yers now, Steel."
Papa frowns. "Why ya calling my daughter, Steel?"
"Imy, Kazkaz," Mama says, joining us. She wears a dress that's at least a size too small. To be sexier, I pressume."Boy, ya look murderous” -- she puts a hand on both our shoulders -- “Let me take ya guys home."
Papa bites his bottom lip. He does this before each lie. “I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left.”
The lie rolls off so effortlessly from his lips. I shake my head. Less than twenty minutes ago, he was denying his paternity to my brother and now he's asking Mama back, what kind of man does that?
Though I try to speak, no sound comes out. Kaseke’s temper flares, he can't control the urge and I hold on to the arm twitching towards his sword. We can't afford anymore casualties. Mama would never forgive him.
“How convenient," Kaseke says calmly but at the same time, he's digging his nails painfully to the back of my hand. "Ya're sorry because Steel is now much more powerful than the Royals?"
Good job daddy.
Papa extends his arm towards mama, and she takes it. I expect her to melt into his touch, like how I usually imagined their reunion, but her eyes are as cold as the steels I"m wearing. She now glares at their conjoined hands, her jaw is clenched and her body is tight. Papa doesn't notice her unease.
I can’t put my finger on it but…
Maybe it's nothing.
"I'm sorry because I'm sorry. I'd like to come home,” Papa murmurs, so low that I barely hear him.
"Where's home?" My words are weak, lower than a whisper.
"Where yer mother is." He forces earnest into his voice, playing his part well. I wouldn't be surprised if he's been practising these lines. "Where my kids are."
I stiffen. Kaseke’s grip tightens around me. He scowls our parents in silence.
Mama's smile dies way before it can show her teeth.
"If ya come live with us, I'm leaving."
My stomach twists uneasily at my brother's words.
"Kaseke," Mama says in her most soothing voice.
"No, Mama." He exhales sharply. "When he leaves again, who'll pick up the pieces? Me and Steel. Just no."
Mama shakes her head. "Ya didn't say if."
She knows as well as I do how reliable Kaseke’s visions are.
Mama wouldn't be able to handle another heartbreak. If Papa comes back, only to leave again I dread to think what will happen to her, to our little family.
I can't help worrying over what Kaseke hasn't said. If Papa will leave, that only means one thing; I'll lose my title. I try to guess how, and why Kaseke hasn't said anything at all about that.
Kaseke’s face is cold, colder than Noddon’s harsh winters. He saw Papa break Mama's heart again. Papa can't break Mama's heart if she doesn't take him back. Mama will take him back eventually.
“He'll leave?” she asks cautiously. He nods and she waits for more, but Kaseke presses his lips together. A look I know all too well. He's not saying shit.
My stomach turns a little when a dragon blows fire into the air. I can't help but feel sad. I should be getting ready meet D'ziko but I can't go. I’m sure I’m doing the right thing but there’s that little part of me that feels like I was unfair by not cancelling our date, just so he would not waste his time coming to pick me up. I head straight home with Kaseke, Mama and Toto. He's Kaseke's sometimes best friend.
When we enter the house Kaseke immediately disappears to the bathroom. Mama takes a glass of warm water to her bedroom with her. She says good night and Toto opens the fridge, looking for something to eat. He finds tribe and warms it up.
"Will you need anything else?" I ask him.
He shakes his head.
I tell him goodnight and disappear to my bedroom. I don't bother coming out of my steels. I throw myself on the bed and immediately fall into a deep sleep.
I wake up early, having slept soundly and I think the merryz I overdosed yesterday, had some sort of effect. I look out the window, a thin layer of clouds veil he sky. They don't look very lasting. I drag myself out of bed. I don't want to go to school and face D'ziko. I'm sure he didn't even notice that I ghosted him last night.
In the kitchen I find Toto drinking tea. I don't bother asking where Kaseke is. He never wakes up before six A.M. I stand with my back against the fridge.
“Tell me about Lulama,” I say, suddenly.
He frowns. I barely ever talk to him and now I'm asking him about his girlfriend. Something I heard in the bathroom from the gossip girls at Noddon Academy.
He sighs. “There’s not much to tell except that I don’t think it’s going to work."
What now? I thought he knew what he was doing, that’s what he apparently said to Kaseke when my brother warned him about her. They think she's in the relationship for financial gain. Toto comes from a well off family. His father died the year before last and left him millions.
I raise my eyebrow and pull a chair.
“It wasn’t what I expected, she is not who I thought she was…”
Huh?
“Anyway, I need to get some more sleep, Madoda asked me to stand in for him at his surgery today,” he says and leaves.
He always sleeps in the spare bed in Kaseke's room when he’s here. It used to be commodore's.
I pour myself a glass of warm milk and just when I'm about to sit, a loud knock sounds at the door.
"Who is it?"
No answer.
"Okay, okay," I say, irritated. "I'm coming. Stop banging on Mama's door unless you want to break it down."
I open it, slowly. I see D'ziko's eyes first.
I should have known.
I open the burglar-gate, slowly.
He walks in a few steps and stands still just before he reaches the kitchen table.
He’s looking at me. An unfamiliar twitch in his eyes. I can’t maintain eye-contact so I look down.
“Can I interest you in some coffee? Tea?” I ask.
He's quiet for so long that the air shifts. I can practically smell his disappointment, his anger. Why am I feeling guilty?
“Imani, what happened?”
I don’t know. I just shrug.
“Did I do something wrong?” he asks.
I raise my eyes. Really?
He looks hurt. I look away. In the near future, he'll probably be more relieved than wounded that I walked away, that from today I'm going to pretend he doesn't exist.“I have to keep my distance,” I say
“Why?” he asks. "Level with me here, am I missing something?"
"It's just..." It is surprisingly difficult to form a coherent thought while feeling his gaze on my face. "I don't want to complicate my life more than it already is."
“I’m not leaving until we sort this out." He sounds as if he'd expected as much. "Do you feel nothing for me? Because I feel something for you. That’s why I’m here.”
He can’t do this to me. I pretend as though I didn't hear that.
“How did you find my house?”
"That's very helpful, Imani," he snaps.
I can hear him breathing, feel the waves of infuriated disapproval rolling off of him. He mutters something under his breath, speaking so quickly that I can't understand. He moves closer when I keep ignoring him. I gulp.
“Whatever those girls at your lunch table said about me -- they don’t know me, not enough to warn you off me.” he says.
“It’s not about what they said D'ziko.”
“Then what is it?” he asks. "Imani, please, talk to--."
I hear him curse, and look over to see that he's balled his fist. He is facing away from me, into the entry way that leads to the hallway. Toto strides in slowly, he's coming from the shower. He's clad in a towel and his toned chest lays bare.
When he turns to look at me again the look on his face is undescribable.
D'ziko drops his eyes. He never does that.
And steps back a little.
“Who is this?” he asks desperately.
Toto is now standing in the kitchen, watching us.
“It’s about him? You had to come back to him? That’s why you ghosted me?”
He scrutinizes my face.
He thinks…..? No. But how do I tell him I'm scared of my own feelings for him?
“Imani, are you okay?” Toto asks, his voice gentle.
D'ziko and I stand silently, looking into each other's eyes — trying to read each other's thoughts.
“She’s fine,” D'ziko says to Toto but stares at me, his eyes dark in the shadows, his expression unreadable.
Toto flexes his muscles and cracks his knuckles. “I’m not talking to you.”
D'ziko turns to look at him. I don’t like the look on his face. I stand without moving, without breathing, more frightened of him than I have ever been. He's never been more appealing to me. More beautiful.
"Imani..." D'ziko says with a question filled gaze.
He waits, but I still can't speak.
D'ziko laughs bitterly and begins to walk away. I recoil from the thought of him being angry with me.
No no no!