76

Now that I know the truth. I can't help but notice how hairy Kaseke really is. Why hadn't I made the connection before? My brother looks every bit like his father. His real father. His beard grows to his chest on a week. He has to shave everyday with how ridiculously long it grows, and my hair too. I have the longest afro in Noddon. That's unnatural, inhuman. How could I have been so stupid? The signs were all there. I mean, Sithole was half-white, he was the whitest person in Noddon. Mama's light skinned too. Why didn't it bother any of my brothers and I that we are so black ya'd swear we were born living directly under the sun?
I blatantly ignore Kaseke. “Seventeen years, Mama. That's how old Kaseke is and he doesn't even know his father.”
“Father?” he asks. “What do ya mean?”
I glare at my mother and cross my arms on my chest. “Ye Mama, what do I mean?”
Mama is quiet. She's deciding how to answer. Her eyes glance unblinking at the walls as though they'll whisper the words to her. But then again, this is Noddon, anything is possible.
When her eyes start to water, she says,“I found out very young that Whele is my life mate--?”
“Now hold on a second there Mama,” Kaseke hesitates, no doubt thinking he won’t like Mama’s answer. “Who's this Wheel.”
“Whele. The forest gatekeeper.”
“Oh. Okay.” He nods. And stares at her with a dead expression. “He's so hairy.”
“So continue…” I trail off so that she'll finish my sentence.
“When I found out I was pregnant with the twins, Whele and I decided we’d run. Go into the Saboni world, to raise the boys. We knew Leza would punish us. There’s just no way the Sabonis would see Whele and not see he isn’t completely human. The last thing I wanted was to turn him into a science wonder. Curious, those Saboni, ja. But then Sithole came along. He was very persistent.”
Everyone freezes at the sound of Sithole's name. Kaseke sits near D'ziko and buries his face in his hands. He sighs.
“I saw an opportunity. I could just agree to be his girlfriend. I was still only a few weeks pregnant. It wouldn't be too suspicious. People have premature babies all the time.”
There's a heavyweight in the air. Like the whole world is bearing down on us. We are the only thing keeping Mistress Earth afloat.
“The worst decision ever.” Mama's royally pissed. “I had to share my bed with him. Though Whele knew, it still felt like I was betraying him.”
Kaseke frowns. “So why couldn't ya just be with him, if ya loved him so much?” he asks. There's scepticism in his voice.
“Gatekeepers aren't allowed to have spouses,” I say.
“What kind of ass crack made that rule?” Kaseke asks.
“I don’t like yer language, boy,” Mama says.
Kaseke throws his hands up in apology. “But it doesn't make sense to me. How can the gatekeepers not be allowed to start families? Who could be stupid enough to defy the Gods? If they didn't want the two of ya together then they wouldn't have made the pairing. It's that simple.”
I've never thought of it that way. Kaseke is absolutely right.
I grimace. “If Sithole hadn't gotten greedy. Would ya ever have told us the truth?”
“Ja,” she says but it comes too quickly.
My brother, D'ziko and I share a look. We all smell the lie, but we don't even bother letting Mama know. She knows that we know.
“I was yang and scared,” she says. “I was so scared.”
Kaseke frowns. “ya know what's scary Mama?”
She looks up at him. Waiting for an answer.
“It's living with a mother that lied to me for years.” Kaseke stops and cocks his head. “Mama, ya made us think ya wanted to kill yerself. ya knew Imani would be worried. If ya die, she's fucked. But ya didn't care that she was scared. ya didn't care one bit. Commodore died thinking his father hated him. Y'all are some fucked up parents.”
“No, Kaseke, baby listen.” She's momentarily thrown. “I never meant to hurt any of ya. And Gods knows Whele loves ya with all his heart. He'd do anything for ya. Even help ya steal the Bakantwa.”
I blink. “What? Ya knew?”
“Ya.”
“Is there anything ya don't hide from us?”
“Now that's not fair, Kaseke,” -- her hands tremble as she runs her fingers through her hair -- “y'all hid the Bakantwa theft from me too.”
“That's different.”
“All I know is that, I did the best thing a fifteen year old with three kids would've done. I put ya first. Everything. Every damn thing I did was so ya'd live. If Mawu knew what ya are. Whose kids ya are. Ya'd be dead.” She looks at the both of us. “There's nothing I wouldn't do for ya. Even sleep with a man I despise.”
I'm so relieved Sithole isn't my real father -- and I'm so upset that I ever doubted Whele when he said he loves me. I'm angry that our family couldn't be together because of King Father's selfishness. I had no right to judge Mama. I can't imagine another man's hands around me. I can't begin to imagine what Mama must've went through with Sithole. What Whele must've been going through knowing that Mama was in another man's bed. For us kids, they put their love on the backseat. They made sure we were protected the best way they knew how.
We go silent again.
“Commodore is still alive,” I tell Kaseke.
He pauses. “What?” He shakes his head and begins pacing. “I was there when he... He died. He's dead.”
“Sithole paralysed me.”
He snaps his head toward me. I’m surprised he isn’t whiplashed. “What?” And then he curses. “Where is he?” He means Commodore.
How am I supposed to know? I shrug a I'm not a psychic.
“W-What is that shrug thing?” He blinks at me. “Where's my brother?”
“Aibo Kaseke. Only Sithole knows.”
He frowns his disappointment. “ya didn't ask Sithole and yet ya killed him?”
He makes me feel so stupid when in actual fact, he's the stupid one. But why do I allow him to make me doubt myself.
“I thought that maybe asking Sithole about Commodore would trigger him. That he'd hurt my brother. I mean...see this through my eyes--”
And he takes it literary. The fool looks into my eyes and swifts through the memories. He stops when I was paralysed. The exact minute I realised my brother is still alive. I knew that it was a risk not asking Sithole but who else knew what he could do? What if when he found out I knew about Commodore, he'd make the Shadows kill him? I didn't want to risk it.
It's uncomfortable living the same thing twice. When Kaseke pages through yer thoughts, they become an album with a picture that displays the date and emotion. But when he stops at a picture, it begins playing. A video.
He's letting me into his world as much as he's prying in mine. Lords, how did he do that? How did he know that I've always wanted to know how his gift works.
A lump forms in my throat.
Kaseke smiles. “I know everything.” He taps his forehead.
I hold out my hand to D'ziko. He looks at my mother, hesitating. Mama nods once. He jumps up and holds my hand the second he sits on the bed. I can't help closing my eyes. How could I miss him when he's in the room with me?
“Get out of my head,” I say. “It's getting creeping.”
Kaseke laughs but I feel a mental wall lifting. Blocking him.
He startles, leaping to his feet. “Gracious Leza. How the hell did ya do that?”
I sit up. Kaseke doesn't get surprised easily. This is serious. “What. What did I do?”
“Oh Gods! Oh Gods!” He stops suddenly. “Do it again.”
“Do what?”
“Block me.”
“How?”
“I don't know. It's yer magic.” He shrugs. “I'm gonna get into yer head again.”
I brace myself. I try to…to what? I didn't exactly mean to block him the first time. It was accidental.
He's in my thoughts. Watching. Paging through. Until he comes to the day D'ziko and I met the Shadows. To that kiss. Our second kiss.
“Ew,” he says. But he's also intrigued. “That's how ya feel. Aibo, Imani, ya have it bad.”
D'ziko loves me. It's in the fierceness in his eyes and the way he holds my hand now. My hearts sings.