Chapter Thirty-Four - I can't help it

Brandon

Skyla and I were snuggling on the sofa in our cute little cottage. The log fire is burning as we watch a movie. We had a simple pasta dish for dinner with some wine; neither of us could be bothered cooking any more. We had dinner outside with a view of the loch. It was beautiful and peaceful, but it started to get cold, so we came inside.

“Do you want a hot chocolate or tea?” I ask.

I wait for an answer, but it doesn’t come. I glance down and see she has fallen asleep on me. She has been busy, so it is only natural she is tired. I still felt terrible about our argument. Yes, I was upset she was late, but I didn’t mean to snap at her. I know how I did, though. I blame fear, the fear I have been feeling recently because the idea of her not being with me when I go back home is an idea I hate. I don’t want to go home next week without her. I know I have to, though.

It is going to be hard, and I don’t know how I will cope with it. I keep telling Skyla and myself that we will make the long-distance thing work, but we could try everything to do that, and it may end in disaster. I hope I am wrong, but it is a possibility. I sigh and reach down to stroke her hair. She stays asleep, but she smiles.

“There is a good chance I am madly in love with you, angel, but I will keep that little secret to myself,” I whisper and plant a butterfly kiss on her forehead.

I won’t lie; my feelings for her terrify me. I hate being vulnerable and giving my heart and soul to anyone; it makes it easier for people to break you. I can’t help it with Skyla, even though it hasn’t been long since we got together. I think I knew from the first time I met Skyla that things would be different. It will kill me if we don’t work, and I know my guard will go back up.

I don’t want to share my true feelings with her until I know if we can make the long-distance thing work. I have no clue if Skyla feels the same. Yes, I know what we have is special. The bond, the connection, and the relationship, but it doesn’t mean she has fallen in love with me quite yet.

I sigh and pull myself together. I carefully remove myself from behind her and climb over the back of the sofa rather than needing to climb over the top of her. I stroll down the hallway to the bedroom. It was as beautiful as everything else. It has massive glass windows, and you can see right onto the loch, which will be a breathtaking sight to wake up to.

I pull the covers down so I can place Skyla straight in. We are already in our nightwear. I enjoy the view from the window momentarily before heading back to the living room. I wasn’t tired, so I will stay up a little longer.

I scoop Skyla up into my arms and carry her to bed. I am careful when I lay her down and bring the covers over her. I kiss her forehead.

“Sweet dreams, my love,” I whisper.

I exit the room and move towards the kitchen. I wanted a warm drink, but it was too late for coffee. I make myself a cup of tea. Tea here in Scotland hits differently than back home. I don’t know how to explain it. I decide to sit outside to drink it. Skyla won’t wake up probably now until the morning. I will join her in bed soon, an hour or so. I don’t want to go too late because we have the entire day planned for tomorrow, and our alarms are set for seven.

I take a blanket with me and sit on one of the chairs. I wrap it around my shoulder and admire the view as I drink my tea. Scotland really is a beautiful country. Who knows, maybe if we can make it work, I will come here to be with Skyla one day. I need to wait and see how things go. I get lost in my thoughts as I listen to the wind and the water. It is all very relaxing. I close my eyes, breathe in the fresh air, and let it out. I wish we had more time here because it is away from all the hustle and bustle. No one can contact us here since our phones are off. It was just us, and it was nice, considering we hadn’t had any time together.

I might extend my stay here, but only for a few days. I can’t be away too long. Things are going to be hectic for Skyla from now until the book release, so I don’t know when I will see her again once I leave. If I need to fly back here, even for a weekend, then I will because I refuse to let months go by without us seeing one another in person.

I finish up my tea and re-enter the cottage. I switch everything off before I join Skyla in the bedroom. I strip down naked and climb into bed next to her.

I scoot closer to her, slip my arm around her and pull her body back to mine. She seems to fit perfectly. Skyla moans softly but doesn’t wake. I take her in mine and link our fingers together. I kiss over her shoulders.

“I love you,” I whisper.

Skyla seems to grab my hand tighter. I panic, thinking she is awake and heard me.

“Skyla, are you awake?” I ask nervously.

There is no answer. I can only hear her breathing. She is still asleep, thank God. When I do tell her, I would rather do it when I mean to and not only say it when she is sleeping so she can’t hear me.

I run my fingers through my hair, close my eyes and hope sleep takes over me. I will miss her next to me as we sleep when I leave. I will miss everything, but this closeness is at the top of the list. I know we need to sit down, make a plan and talk everything through, but I am nervous that when we do, she will realise it is too much and end it.

I am probably being paranoid, but I can’t help it. We need to discuss it before I leave rather than leave everything in limbo and watch it play out.