Chapter Forty-Three - I don't think I can do this any longer.

Skyla

My book launch party is next week. I should be more excited for it, but I can't be. Brandon promised he would be there, but then two nights ago, he told me he couldn't make it after all because he needed to deal with an important client who was in town—a client who wouldn't deal with anyone other than Brandon. I am so pissed off at him. I understand he is busy, but he promised. It is an important event for me, and he can't even put things off a couple of days to be there. I am not only pissed off but sad and disappointed too.

Maybe I shouldn't be surprised. Things aren't the same anymore. We haven't seen each other in person for nearly a month. We struggle to find time to talk. I am really starting to believe it may be time for us to call it quits. The idea breaks my heart, it breaks me, but what is the point in continuing when it isn't working? I don't want to lose him, but I think I am already in the process of it. I can't put all the blame on him, though, because I haven't been to visit him either.

As a couple, shouldn't we be desperate to see one another, doing whatever it takes to be together? But all we seem to do is fight, let each other down and now he is breaking promises. What sort of relationship is that? Yes, we knew it would be challenging, but it is becoming impossible.

I hung up on him when he told me and haven't spoken to him since. He has tried to call, but I have rejected his calls. I will talk to him when I am ready. I have a lot to work out before I do. I need to decide if there is a way for us to make it work or if we should end it before it goes any further and causes any more pain.

I feel the tears brim in my eyes, even just at the thought of it. I am surprised I have any tears left because I feel like all I have done in the last forty-eight hours has cried. Brandon is the love of my life. I think I am his, too, but maybe it is just the wrong timing for us. Perhaps we weren't supposed to meet when we did. I really don't know, but something needs to change, good or bad.

I am ready to make a life with him, but while we live in separate parts of the world and have crazy schedules, I truly believe in my heart we can't make it work.

I don't even know how to start the conversation. Is Brandon feeling the same as me, or does he think we are only going through a rough patch and everything will be fixed with time? I have no idea because we don't talk about these things now. We haven't really talked about our relationship and future in a while, which is unusual for us.

It wasn't too long ago we were discussing marriage and kids one day. How did we go from that to this in such a short period? It is like some cruel joke.

I need a damn drink! For someone who didn't used to drink much, it seems like recently I am doing it more than more, which is not good for me, but it is the only thing to make me feel better, even for a little while. I don't drink every single night. I have not gotten that bad, but I am definitely drinking way more than I should be.

I wipe my tears away and head to the kitchen for a glass of wine: a large one, but my only one for tonight. I don't want to be drunk or hungover tomorrow.

Once I had my wine, I returned to the sofa and grabbed my phone to call Kelsey. She should be home from work. I hit the call button, and it only rings a couple of times before she answers.

"Hey, sweetie, how are you?" she chirps.

She doesn't know what happened recently because I haven't spoken to her.

"I have been better. How are you? I can't wait to see you in a few days."

I am eager to see her. I am happy my best friend will be there for me. She will be staying for a week.

"Why? What is going on? Yes, me too. I have missed you so damn much." She replies.

"Brandon isn't coming to the launch party," I whimper.

"What? Why? Since when?" she hisses.

"He told me a couple of nights ago. Apparently, there is some important client who will be in town who will only deal with Brandon and no one else." I sigh.

"I will fucking kill him. He has no right breaking his promise to you like that." She snarls.

"Please, don't say anything to him. I don't want you getting in the middle and risk losing your job." I whisper.

"I refuse to stand by and let him break your heart, Skyla. You never ask him for anything, and the one thing you have asked for is important, and he isn't coming. No, he isn't getting away with it."

"Just leave it. To be honest, Kels, I think we may be over. I can't keep doing this. It is too much," I sob, the tears starting again.

"Skyla, are you sure that is what you want?"

"No. I don't want it at all, but I think it is how it needs to be. It isn't working any more. We haven't seen each other in nearly a month. We barely talk, and if we do, we end up arguing or letting each other down. I can't deal with the pain of it anymore. Maybe he is seeing someone else."

It is a thought that has crossed my mind more than once. I never understood why he wanted to be with me, anyway, when he could have any woman he wanted.

"I get it, I really do, but please be certain it is the right thing. No, he isn't seeing anyone else, Skyla. He loves you too much to do that, even if he is acting like a jackass right now." She says.

"I have a lot to think about. I just don't know anymore. Maybe the timing is just wrong for us."

"Yes, you do, but make sure you make the right choice for you. I don't want you ending things and end up regretting it, hurting yourself more than if you stayed with him." She says softly.

"I will think it all through, I promise.

"Okay, sweetie. I am going to see if I can get an earlier flight. Maybe for tomorrow. You need me, and I want to be there. They can manage without me for an extra few days."

"Kels, you don't need to do that," I exclaim.

"I want to." She protests.

"Okay, thank you," I reply.

I do need my best friend right now. I hate we live so far apart.

"What are best friends for? I will take a look once we get off the phone. I am sorry you are hurting right now." She whimpers.

"It is okay. I will get through it. I always do."

Though, I think the choice to either be with Brandon or walk away is probably going to be the hardest decision I have ever had to make.

Kelsey and I stay on the phone for an hour before she needs to go. I felt a little better after talking with her, but I am no closer to knowing what to do. Hopefully, she can come here early and help me work it out.

Whoever said distance makes the heart grow fonder needs to be punched in the face because it is bullshit!