Chapter Forty-Five - I still haven't made my choice.

(Hey, everyone. I just wanted to let you all know, this book is coming an end. There will only be two-three more chapters and an epilogue. There won't be a sequel. It will stay as a standalone.)

Skyla

My event is tomorrow. I am feeling a little better than I was since Kelsey arrived. She has barely left my side. I am glad she came because I needed her more now than I would like to admit. The Brandon situation hasn’t gotten any better, though. We haven’t talked or video-called, but there has been a text here and there. He has tried contacting me through calls and video, but I refused to speak with him. I wasn’t ready to. I am still so mad at him. I don’t know if I am overreacting, but what he did felt like a knife through the heart. I still haven’t decided whether I should just end things or not. It is a hard choice, and I don’t want to make the wrong one and end up living with regret.

Brandon did text to tell me he was trying to rearrange things to come, but I told him not to bother. If he really wanted to be there for me, he would be. There would be no excuses or trying; he would come, no matter what. It is what you are supposed to do for the person you love, support them and my launch party is important. He knows that.

I have barely been out of the house recently, unless I need to me, but today Kelsey and I have plans. We are going shopping for dresses. I still haven’t chosen an outfit for tomorrow. I really need to find one, and today is my last day to do that. Kelsey decided we would make a day of it. We are going to have a girl’s day—breakfast, shopping, lunch, and cocktails. Then tonight we are going to order pizza, get a bottle of wine and watch some movies. It is exactly what I need.

“Ready to head out, babe?” Kelsey asks.

“I sure am.” I smile.

We make sure we have everything before we leave.

“It is so good to be back home.” Kelsey gushes as we step outside.

“Yes, I bet. Do you think you will ever come back?”

“One day. I want to marry and have a family here.” She smiles.

She has always said the same thing. She will come back home when the time comes for her to settle down.

“I will look forward to it,” I reply and link my arm with hers.

We don’t walk far until we reach the café where we plan on having breakfast. It has always been one of our favourite places. It has been here since we were kids, probably before that. It belonged to an old couple, but they retired a couple of years ago, and now it is their daughter and granddaughter who take care of the place. It has always been friendly and homely, and the food is incredible.

We were greeted by name and smiles as we entered and found a seat.

“Just your usual drinks to start with?” the owner, Iona, asks.

“Yes, please.” I smile.

We settle down at the table, and our coffee arrives only a few minutes later. Iona leaves us to decide what we want for eating. As we glance over the menus, my phone rings. I look down and see Brandon is calling me.

“Are you going to answer?” Kelsey asks.

I shake my head, “No. Why is he even awake? It is the early hours of the morning there.”

“If I have to guess, I would probably assume he has been having trouble sleeping recently with everything going on.” She says softly.

“Probably. Kels, do you think I am wrong not answering his calls? Am I overreacting?” I sigh.

“No, I don’t think you are wrong. You just aren’t ready to talk to him, but you will need eventually, sweetie. You can’t keep rejecting his calls. You need to work out what you want, and he needs to know too.” She replies, resting her hand over mine and squeezing.

I run my fingers through my hair, “I know you are right. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know if I can deal with not having him in my life. On the other hand, I am tired of the pain that seems to come with it.”

I hold back my tears because I am fed up crying all of the time. I am surprised I have any tears left at all, to be honest.

“You will make the right choice.” She encourages.

“I hope so, but I don’t want to deal with it today. All I want is to have a good day with my best friend. I can worry about everything else later.” I reply.

Kelsey nods, “Yes.”

I noticed Brandon has left me a voicemail. I will check it when I get home. I should probably talk to him and have an actual conversation, not over text, but as I said, I want to forget about it all today.

****
Kelsey and I have had a great day. Thankfully, we found outfits. I had bought a beautiful red strapless, mid-length dress, and Kelsey bought a pretty emerald green one with spaghetti straps and a little shorter than mine.

I am just done with showering before changing into my pjs for our movie night and pizza. I lie down on my bed with a towel around me and pick up my phone to check Brandon’s voice message.
I take a deep breath before playing it.

“Skyla, please, my love, talk to me. I don’t mean through text. I need to hear your voice and see your face. I miss you. Please, we need to fix this. I can’t lose you. I refuse to let you go. We can work things out. Don’t give up on us. I love you.”

I can hear the brokenness and sadness in his voice. The sound of it is enough to bring tears to my eyes. It breaks my heart, too, but I need to work out what I want and need before I talk to him. I miss him like crazy. I miss his voice, smile, eyes, touch, kiss and the way he always holds me tight at night. I miss everything! But love shouldn’t be this hard. I know it shouldn’t be easy either, but it shouldn’t cause pain.

I let the tears roll down my face and toss my phone aside. I bury my face in my hands and cry. I don’t know what else to do. It has been hell recently, but am I really willing to lose the love of my life because of it?

I wipe my tears away, pick my phone back up and open a text to him. I stare at the screen and try to work out what to write. It takes a minute, but I finally begin to type.

I love you too, Brandon. But I need more time. I will call you when I am ready. I have to concentrate on tomorrow.

I hit send before setting it aside and changing into my pjs. I will leave my phone in here while we watch movies because if I don’t, it will distract me, and tonight is about me and my best friend, nothing more.