Nina

Nina

“Raff?” I say gently. I’m not sure what happened, I was telling him what happened to Sarah, and crying when he suddenly got stiff. I had thought he just wasn’t sure how to comfort me, but then he stood, and pushed me away. I see his whole body begin to shake as he whispers for me to run. I watch as his eyes turn black, and hair grows from his body. Thick back fur covers him, and his limbs elongate. Making him as tall as he is in wolf form. His nails elongate into claws, and his face grows a snout. He stands there huffing for a bit, and I take it as a good sign that he hasn’t immediately attacked me. I take cautious steps forward holding out my hands. I’m as drawn to him in this form as any other. Valarie purrs in my head as we stare at our half shifted mate.

“Do you think this is his merged form? Like when I take over your human form?” She asks in awe. Raff’s breathing had slowed to a normal speed, so I decided to call out again.

“Raff?” I say gently again, and this time his black eyes snap to me as he takes a deep breath in scenting the air. “Let's hope so.” I say to Valarie, reaching out a hand to place on his arm. His black eyes never leave my green ones. I feel his arm tense as I gently touch it. “It’s okay Raff, i’m here. I won’t leave you, you won’t hurt us.” Slowly I see the black fade, and his eyes return to green, but they stay glowing. “Raff?” I ask again to confirm it's him. I get a stiff nod in return. “Is Neil there with you? Is he the one in control right now?” A wet tongue almost as big as my face sticks out a second before he licks my cheek. A giggle escapes as i’m taken by surprise. This resulted in the arms pulling me close before he snuggles my neck taking a deep breath. I relax and understand what happened now. When Valarie and I had first found our  in-between state we call ‘merged’ was in the middle of a rogue attack. She needed her strength, but my body. The process was driven by anger, and a desire to protect my pack. It’s my most lethal form, a perfect split between my wolf form and human. Based on how his eyes were black he was consumed by his anger. “I know what happened. This is something I was gifted with as well. I call it my ‘merged’ form. It’s when you and Neil share the body together. When if first happened to us it was during a rogue attack. I was fighting with my parents, when a rogue came out of nowhere, and blindsided them. I was watching them lose when I was overcome with rage. When I came to, the attack was over. I had saved everyone, and my parents helped me learn to control it. Now it’s my most powerful tool, and not many know about it.” He holds me even tighter than I had thought possible. It dawned on me then that he may have not known what was happening to him, and it all made sense to me why he was so scared to open up to me. My arms wrap around his waist in a comforting grip. It hurts me to think how long it was for him. When his first merge was, and what he did to make him so scared of himself. After a few deep breaths, and us holding each other I hear him speak in a gravely voice. 

“I was twelve when I first turned into this form. It was after a rogue attack, similar

to your story, but I wasn’t in time to save anyone. My mother died that day, and when I saw her I blacked out. When I came to I was locked in a cell-” his breath hitches as I hear the pain in his voice. His breath came out ragged as he inhaled deeply. “The beta told me I had tried to kill my father-” I let out a gasp at the news. I had never even when driven by anger tried to hurt anyone I loved, so why would he?”

“He wouldn’t” Valarie says. 

“What do you mean?” I ask not appreciating the riddle.  

“When you initially go into the merged form for the first time it’s the wolf in control. We are fully conscious, but you go to sleep. It’s a product of the rage at the time needed to trigger the transformation.” I gulp at the knowledge. 

“That means Neil was trying to kill their father…” I look at Raff's face to watch him as he continues the story. 

“In the process of me trying to kill him I ended up killing three of our best warriors. I was locked in a cell for a month until my father woke up. After that he was never the same, never saw me the same.” He sighs a long slow breath as if he is releasing all of his built up anger over the situation. 

“I am so sorry, I wish we had met sooner. So much could have been explained. I am so sorry that happened. Valarie says though that Neil was the one in control, and that you were asleep. He might know what happened during that time. If you would want to talk to him, and ask, he might be able to give you some answers.” I say gently stroking his back. Standing up straight he lets out a shuddering breath. 

“Before I do, there is a reason I shifted. We need to go find Trey.” His tone is deadly, and despite my unsettled nerves the sound of it sends a shiver through me. Raff feeling this grabs my waist, and pulls me to his side as he turns us toward the door. Chuckling at his antics I mind link Derek and Gray to meet us at Sarah’s house.