121. Choose Self Respect

“YOU DID WHAT?” Ana screams, after I tell her how I spent my Seven Nights with Mr. Black.

“Why on the earth did you agree to his sadistic terms?” She strides in her room angrily, not believing me. 

“Because I didn’t think he would actually do something like that.” My voice barely audible, filled with shame and regret.

“Girl! you should have run the moment he licked your tears and told you to strip.” Ana yells at me and I sit there on her bed, taking her scoldings. 

“Yeah, but he was so nice to me back then, and I thought he was just mad at me at the moment, and maybe we could resolve our issues.. I didn’t realize he was that serious and unstable-” I stop myself, before revealing his psychotic disorder.

It’s something Dakota trusted me with and I won’t act like a bitch by gossiping about it. 

“Emara!” Ana sits beside me with a serious look in her eyes. 

“Men are plain like grass. They speak what they want. If he said he just wants sex, trust me, nothing in the world can change his mind for a loving relationship. Not even Angelina Jolie or Megan Fox.”

I feel the grip of her fingers on mine as she tells me, “It was stupid of you to stay with him thinking that maybe he will change tomorrow, or the next day. Nope. No girl can change a man! Get this in your mind!”

Her voice bluntly cuts through the air like a sword, slicing through all my romantic fantasies.

“Only he can change himself. So, stop being like those silly *I-can-fix-him* girls, and waste your time on such narcissistic men. Be a woman and choose your self-respect over any dick.”

“You are right, Ana.” I sob while telling her, “I tried to help him, understand what he was going through, but in the end he still treated me like a slut.”

“Emara.. If a guy likes you, he will do anything for you, without even asking.” She speaks gravely, holding my hands.

“Remember, a man in love can move mountains. He will work on himself, gather his shit, change his behaviour and will chase you to the ends of the earth if he truly wants you.”

Tears well up in my eyes, as I recall if anyone has really put any efforts for me, other than stripping my clothes.

*No one.*

“So stop running after these worthless dicks. The right one will come himself and prove to you why he is worth it. Just focus on yourself, and don’t vent up your emotions, and definitely don’t chop off your hair this time.”

Ana scolds me like a caring mother and I hug her, feeling overwhelmed with emotions. I starved for this feeling of being pampered and loved.

“What sick bastard could think of doing this to a girl! You are an idiot too!” She hits my head and I hug her even tighter. 

“Just stop getting used by these guys and build yourself up before looking for another dick!” She tells me, embracing me in her arms and rubbing my head where she had hit before. 

I have been touched countless times with lust, that I forgot what genuine affection feels like.

“He said he loved me, and I believed so.” I whisper defeatedly, recalling how he begged me to comfort him last night.

“Never believe a word what men say. Always believe their actions.” Ana pokes my delulu bubble, and I finally see the truth.

“A man truly in love will never try to get into your panties, only into your heart. If his intentions are only physical, then he is not really in love with you, no matter what he says.” She tells me, and I nod my head, squeezing her tightly. 

I might have learned the lesson the hard way, but at last, I learned it. 

Neither Ryan, nor Dakota ever loved me. And like a blind cow, I followed their stupid orders and let myself used. 

“Now don’t go lock yourself up in a room. Just talk to someone.” She pats my back lightly, while I weep in her arms.

“I did. You.” I reply short. 

“Yeah.. Talk it out, cry if you need to, let it all out until there is nothing left to cry about. Don’t harbour your bad memories, let them go or maybe file a case against that bastard. I fully support you.” She assures me and I break down in her arms. 

“I love you Ana, and I am so sorry for being a jerk as a friend.” I sob uncontrollably, realizing how much I need her in my life. 

“You are a jerk.. But it’s not your fault.” She scolds me gently, and whispers, “You are too sweet.”

But I hate being a sweet person. 

This world treat sweet people just as they treat disposable items, use then throw it.

And I don’t want to be sweet. *Not anymore.*

We spend the entire day catching up on the gossip from the past three years, resolving our issues over pizza.

Later at 8 PM, I reach my *home sweet home.*

Forcing a smile on my face, I step inside and announce, “I am home.”

“Emara! Oh my baby, you are back.” My mother rushes over to hug me in her loving arms.

“I missed you, mom.” I confess, feeling her genuine love as an ointment to my wounds.

“I’ll make your favorite dish tonight. Go freshen up and come down for dinner. Okay?” She gives my cheeks a squeeze and it feels heavenly.

“Welcome back, champ!” My father greets me, and pats me on my back as a form of greeting.

“Hey, dad.” I smile at him, and look around, “Where is Ethan?” 

“Gym. He started last week, said he wants to focus on himself. Both my children are up to something and always secretive.” He narrows his cop eyes at me. 

“Next time, inform us before taking any abrupt decision, like disappearing for a week. Got it?” 

“Yeah.. understood. I’ll go freshen up.” I give him a weak smile before quietly making my way to my room. My private space I have missed dearly.

As I open the door to my room, a flood of emotions overwhelms me. My room, though small, with lack of luxury is the most safest and peaceful adobe.

I close the door behind me, and fall to my bed, breaking into painful tears. I can’t believe after a week of humiliation, I am really back to my place where I can finally feel respected. 

I hug my pillow, which has covers on it and stay for a moment to feel my sweet simple room again.

It’s better to be a princess of a hut, than being a whore of a palace. 

**Ping**

My phone vibrates with a notification and I unlock to find a message from an unknown number..

*‘Come down’*