Chapter 91: The Search for Jiyo Kael

Sometimes he thought he was in a dream from which he could wake up at any moment, only to be surrounded by terror, blood, and violence, surrounded by the world as he knew it.

"Let go, Jiyo Kael, look ahead..." he tried to say whenever the memories or imaginings of what might or might happen as a result of his disappearance threatened to overwhelm him. Once before, after the loss of his first love, he had fallen into this abyss and withdrawn from everything. But then there were still people around him who meant something to him, people who had finally managed to pull him out of his desperation, at least to give him another chance. Even as he struggled with his drug addiction, he had never been completely alone. He had thought that was exactly what he wanted back then, but now he knew better!

He also knew there were better places for him than this part of the world, and yet he couldn't bring himself to move on. Unnoticed, a smile twitched across his facial features at the thought of what the responsible psychologist would say about his behavior, he hadn't heard all that just once. 'His constant desire to place himself in danger, in the most impossible of situations, was the surest indication of a deep-seated tendency towards self-destruction.'At least he would win this victory one day; there was no doubt about it. And that was exactly why he stayed. What was he supposed to do in this world if he could no longer tempt fate, no matter how childish and irresponsible that behavior might be?

He sighed and tried to shake off the indolence that held him in its clutches and stick to the resolution he'd been meaning to put into action for days. It was time to get in touch with Benjamin Gustilo. In the whirl of events, they had made each other promise to stay in loose contact. Anything else would have been unthinkable for him; he had to be able to make sure that what was left of his belongings was doing well. And Benjamin had insisted that if anything new arose, there would be a development that would fundamentally change the situation.
Despite his reservations, Jiyo Kael was only too happy to accept the suggestion. Ben in particular was far too good at his job for anything to leak out to outsiders. After the call, he would leave and find a new hiding place. Anything else would be sheer stupidity after such a short time, apart from the fact that he would never risk casting even the slightest suspicion on the friend.

The shadows were slowly sinking, the wind was getting fresher, and Jiyo Kael found himself longingly thinking about the bottle of tequila that was in the closet in his room and that would help him to fall asleep again that night. But first, he would talk to Benjamin. He slowly ambled towards the small fishing village that had become his refuge, stopping in front of the only phone booth, tucked away next to a derelict-looking building that looked like it was just a relic of an earlier time, the one with would have lost its meaning and purpose with the boom in mobile communications. But Jiyo Kael was only too aware that for a large segment of humanity, here or elsewhere, having access to a telephone at all was a kind of luxury. Of course, he had tested the function and already before let the agreed number of ring tones sound on Benjamin's connection for 24 hours. He knew that Ben would be waiting for him on a secure line unless something urgent had come up.

Ben spoke first. "It's good to hear your voice."

"Like yours..."There was an awkward silence. Jiyo Kael didn't think it would be so difficult for him to speak and obviously, it wasn't easier for Ben either!

"Is everything okay?"

"Yes and with you?"

"Also!"

"The family is doing well?" added Jiyo Kael a little uncertainly!

"Everything great, no need to worry!" Ben almost bit his tongue.

This last sentence could be taken as a hint at worst. And yet there was practically no chance of anyone overhearing this conversation, not after all the precautions he had taken. Still, they had to remember to remain cautious. But the relief he heard in Jiyo's voice was worth the risk."How is the work going?"

"Everything is the same, just the usual monotony!"Jiyo Kael remained silent for a moment.

So Benjamin was still in the office on duty, despite everything that had happened to him, his disappearance. He had never considered deserting, never thought of betraying his country."I have to go again. You know, my daughter Lara and the family don't give you a quiet minute! But we'll hear from each other again!"

"For sure!" Benjamin answered with so much warmth in his voice that Jiyo Kael had to swallow involuntarily.

"Take care, you remember what the doctor said about your cholesterol levels?"

"Okay, goodbye then!"

"Yes, and you too," Benjamin wanted to add, but the line had already clicked.

At least Jiyo Kael now knew that his daughter Lara was fine and could look ahead, a thought that gave Benjamin hope for his friend. Following his hidden dropped clues, Jiyo Kael moved forward and so far no one seemed to suspect the scam. At least that was reassuring. Benjamin sighed, and started rubbing his neck with his hand. Something wasn't right about the whole thing. His intuition told him very clearly that something was fundamentally wrong. He had known Jiyo Kael long enough to read the tone of his voice. And yet he couldn't change the facts, at least not yet. But it didn't have to stay that way, not if he had his way. A thought shot through his head, but he managed to shake it off immediately. 'No, Jiyo Kael would definitely avoid it.

There is no way that he would voluntarily return to the country. The wounds were too deep for that.' And yet Benjamin suddenly wished he had done more to ensure that Jiyo Kael could forget this time. Jiyo's gaze darkened each time the subject was raised, and finally Ben had accepted that a self-tormenting part of the man was compelling him to keep reminding himself of the past. Benjamin got up. It was time to go home where Lara, his wife was waiting for him. As difficult as it was for him, there was time for everything else.

Jiyo Kael looked into his glass with the shiny liquid reflecting the dim light from the bulb. The exhaustion that had paralyzed him throughout the day gave way to deep tiredness with every sip. It wouldn't be long before he didn't feel anymore, didn't think anymore. He just wouldn't exist anymore, and he wanted nothing more. The air in the shabby rental car was unbearable. Benjamin cursed again and again that the windows could not be opened or that the car with the open roof was already taken. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with his left hand and was amazed again at how much he suffered from the oppressive heat, despite his southern origins. Rental car to camouflage. But it wasn't just the heat that bothered him, or the detours he'd been taking for the past two days to rule out any possibility of pursuit, even the extremely unlikely one, for good.

Constantly changing the direction of travel, he approached the coordinates he had determined during Jiyo Kael's last call in wide circles. Here was the real reason for his concern, the fact that the inexplicable feeling he had been unable to shake off for months had given way to an unsettling certainty. On the surface, everything was going normally, at least given the circumstances. No unexpected occurrences would have given rise to suspicion on either side.

That was also what he used to calm Lara down when she came to him occasionally, though less and less recently, with that one question in her eyes. There was not the slightest suspicion from the official side that Jiyo Kael was still alive, the subject was closed, and for the few people who knew the truth, all that remained was to keep the secret to themselves, if possible until the end of their lives. A circumstance to which they had all agreed without hesitation. If, yes, if the one thing he hadn't been prepared for hadn't happened.Not that Jiyo Kael had given him a hint, consciously or unconsciously, during their brief, cautious phone calls. He'd always sounded the way one might expect of someone who'd just escaped death or worse, and who was about to start anew without being able to completely sever ties with his family. But for Benjamin, there was no doubt that Jiyo's years of practice in concealing the real situation were at work here as well. It had become impossible for him to put the thought aside and push, and let Jiyo Kael go the way he had apparently chosen.

He meant too much to him for that. He owed him too much for that. He loved him secretly. Benjamin's suspicions were finally confirmed after he managed to locate Jiyo's whereabouts. After that, it didn't take him much thought or planning to leave as soon as possible. He had laid different tracks, Lara, named his colleagues different goals and it had not been a problem to justify a short stay of unplanned length with the preparation of a long overdue operation. Whatever it was that kept Jiyo Kael in his sanctuary, he would have to make him realize it wasn't worth the risk.

The heat was unbearable. Benjamin remembered his last stay in this country; it had been a day like this. The depressing humidity in the air took your breath away. Surely there would be a thunderstorm tonight; he could tell by the way the sweat was pouring down his body as if anticipating the imminent rainy weather. Dawn was beginning to set in and Benjamin realized that he had reached the area from which Jiyo Kael had last spoken to him. The place was so hidden and remote that it shouldn't be difficult to spot a strikingly bright foreigner here. It would be enough to keep your ears and eyes open. Benjamin himself was less conspicuous, but for Jiyo Kael a walk through the community should look like running the gauntlet.

Again Benjamin felt transported back to the time that Jiyo Kael had spent undercover and to the many unclear and unsettling impressions he had with him after his last visit there. Jiyo's skin had been tanned, much like that of the others in the organization, making his hair almost white in the sun, his eyes a brightness and size he'd never seen would forget. That Jiyo Kael had not been himself, Ben had realized at the latest at this sight. It hadn't just been the drugs and the tension during such a long mission, Jiyo Kael had come close to losing himself and there was no denying that he'd irretrievably lost a piece of himself these days.

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