Chapter 31- (T.W. This chapter contains infant loss)

James:
When we brought Ember in the clinic today, I had a feeling that we wouldn’t leave without our babies. She’s been carrying low for the past week and getting more uncomfortable by the day. My queen has been amazing throughout her pregnancy, and I know that it’s been hard for her at times, especially with the ever-present distain from Ava wearing her down. She tries not to let me see her hurting or when she worries about the babies. I see her take comfort in Lucas when she has anxiety about the delivery or the safety of our kids, I know why and love her for it. She has been trying to be careful around me because of the son I lost. The pain is still there every day along with the fear for the new lives being brought into the world, but Ember makes that pain bearable. She brings me hope for our new life. I sometimes worry how I’ll feel bringing Ava’s baby into our home, will I be able to love him or her the same as my own children? Ember already loves it and has been nesting not only for two but three babies. The nursery is all set up with three cribs and everything a baby could possibly need. The women have been fussing over my well-loved mate and have been bringing over all kinds of treats and gifts for the last week so I can’t imagine how much more everyone will spoil her when our little ones make their debut. The knowledge of how well-liked Ember is brings me so much pride. She has become the heart of our pack and the center of both mine and my brother’s universe. I hold onto her tiny hand in the newly built delivery room and kiss her sweaty brow as she labors. I can hear Lucas whispering words of encouragement into her ear as he holds her other hand. Ember, my queen is the most beautiful thing I have ever beheld. I know she feels self-conscious now that her face has been marked and her eye clouded over but I think they make her even more stunning. They show her to be what she is a warrior. My Ember is fierce, and selfless, seeing her sweating and bearing down ready to giver her body over to create life is stunning. I am amazed by her; she is a goddess in her own right with her crown of fire and her worshipers by her side. “Bear down Luna, one more big push and the first baby will be out. You can do this!” Rachel sits between my mate’s legs with Tanner next to her, ready to take care of baby as soon as it’s out. I see her fierce determination as she clamps down on my hand and sits forward, teeth clenched and red faced. I hear a small cry as she slumps back down onto the bed. “Alpha James, Beta Lucas you have a son.” Tears stream down my face, I can’t hold it in anymore. We have a son and I get the chance to be a father again. The emotions all coming at once overwhelm me. I kiss Ember over and over. “Thank you, my love. You did so great.” We are both sobbing when she tells me. “Go hold our son James.” I obey while she rests for a minute Lucas looks over to me and nods. He knows I need this moment. When he is placed into my hands, I see my dark eyes staring back at me. I love him so much already that I feel like my heart might burst. I go to take him to Ember, but Tanner touches my shoulder and shakes his head, he pulls back his soft little blanket so that I can see his chest. All the joy that was just surging through me turns to ash. How can our goddess be so cruel as to take both of my sons from me? Fresh tears stream down my cheeks as I lock eyes with one of my oldest friends. “Can anything be done?” I’m quiet and turn my back so that Ember can’t hear us. I know she still has another delivery to get through and I want to prolong her pain as long as possible. I knew going in that one of her children biologically belonged to each of us, but we agreed that we would raise them together, loving both as our own. It hurts so badly because I know the boy I hold in my arms is my own, his eyes are mirrors of mine. “James I’m sorry, he wont live long. We don’t have the medical advancements to save him, anytime I have seen or heard of this condition it has been fatal. At best I say we have a few hours.” I nod and pull his blanket back around him so that Ember won’t see his wounded chest. “Okay Luna time for a big push again.” Rachel encourages my mate and I go to her. “You can do it phoenix. One more push.” Lucas cheers her on. I hold our son in my arms while I smooth her hair back. “You’re doing so good my queen.” I say quietly. After another push we hear a loud wail and I pray with everything in me that this baby will be okay, that it will be strong. “A little girl Luna, you have a daughter.” Ember drops again and cries both from joy and exhaustion. Lucas goes to Tanner and takes care of his daughter. “James, I want to see our boy.” She moves herself up the bed so she can hold him while Rachel takes care the afterbirth and cleans her up. I move into the bed with her and slowly hand her our son. “He has your eyes.” She says as she kisses me but when she see’s my face I see fear creep into her eyes. “What’s wrong?” I slowly pull the blanket back so she can see his open chest. His little heart is beating outside his body and his stomach is distended. “I’m so sorry my love, with his condition he won’t live long.” I see her look to Tanner, and he nods. “Luna I’m so sorry, this happens sometimes, and we don’t understand why. His body is under a lot of stress and usually with this kind of illness children pass within the first day. Some don’t survive the birth.” Ember holds our son to her chest gently and lets out a heartbreaking cry. Lucas comes to the bed with us, and we mourn together.
Ember:
I hold my babies to my breast and stroke their little heads. I pray over and over again to the goddess not to take my son from us and to spare him pain. My heart breaks anew with each of his struggled breaths. I feel James’s deep sorrow in every part of my body, we are all drowning in despair. I don’t know how we can simultaneously be so blessed and cursed at the same time. While my dark eyed son is struggling for life, my beautiful blue eyed, red headed princess is nursing furiously and thriving. We haven’t spoken the words, but we all know that our son is James’s, and our healthy daughter belongs to Lucas. Lucas has been our quiet calm and I think he is holding us together right now. “Little phoenix our children need names. What do you want to name our son?” I sob and look to James. “I want you to name him. Give him a beautiful name that we can carry with us in our hearts.” James picks our sweet boy up and smiles at Lucas and I. “His name is Kiran. That name means beam of light. For the time he is here, he is our light.” I kiss my strong but broken Alpha and look at the light we created together. “Lucas.” I turn to him and give a teary smile. “What is our daughter’s name?” He smiles wide. “Her name is Oriel. Our little battle fire.” We all laugh a little. “That she is.”
It’s about three hours later when Kiran’s breathing becomes ragged, and I know he is close. “Please don’t take him.” I cry over and over kissing him and holding both of my babies at my breast. I look into his dark beautiful eyes and tell him I love him when he takes his final breath. Oriel lets out a mighty shriek and the room is flooded with white blinding light. We stare at our son who is the source of the blinding rays, it spreads from him to his younger twin, and I’m gripped with desperate fear that they will both be taken from me. The light last only a few seconds and then is gone as quick as it came. I panic and look for any signs of distress from my daughter other than her cries. When she opens her eyes, I still see the piercing blue in the right but now her left is so dark it’s almost black. She now wears each of her father’s eyes.