xxii. eternal internal bleeding

*I hope the ingrates don’t throw garbage in the water.*

I sit on the cushioned seats attached to the wall of the yacht. My leg’s folded under me to give me a boost so I can see the people floating in the water on tubes. So many times in the past hour I wanted to grab a tube and go down the slide and let the tide sweep me off to wherever. My body won’t let me, though.

The worst part is, maybe if I do get up and go out there Triton would feel all my emotions and end up being my ‘fairy godfather’ and give me a tail and take me to Atlantis. Skies knows there has to be somewhere better than here.

But I know better than to dream. It never goes anywhere and every day is another disappointment.

The sun has long disappeared, replaced by a crescent moon tonight. It’s thin, hanging in the dark sky surrounded by uncountable numbers of stars, some twinkling and others stagnant balls of gas. Still, it’s the most beautiful thing. That along with the boat casting light across the ocean for a short distance.

“You are pixie dust,” I mumble to myself, staring at the moon.

My attention moves to the water again at the sound of cheers and splashes. I press my hand to my mouth to hold back a laugh when a group of guys flips an unsuspecting friend off a tube. At least I’m hoping he’s a friend. They howl with laughter and the guy they flipped pops up above water a second later, holding up a red cup that’s now undoubtedly filled with seawater.

“Heeey.”

I drag my eyes away from the group of guys to Kory sitting next to me.

I lean back, eyes going wide. “Woah, what happened to your face?”

There’s a bright red and purple bruise on his cheek below his left eye, a split on his bottom lip, and another huge bruise on his right shoulder. This is the first I’m seeing him in a few days since I haven’t been home and we don’t go to the same school, but Kory’s come home with a few bruises and suspensions before. He made a deal with the parents though which is obviously broken.

He smiles, one that doesn’t carry to his eyes. If anything he looks ready to kill someone if need be. “Why have you been sitting here like no one loves you?”

I turn away, letting my hair flash dramatically. “That’s because they don’t.”

He tugs a lock of my hair making me look back at him. “What happened?”

I shake my head. “This is not a brotherly matter.”

He grimaces. “This about boys? Who is it?” Knowing Kory as well as I do, I know that’s a threat. But between him and Lorenxo there will be bloodshed and I don’t know who would come out on top if it comes down to it, so…

“No.” It’s only a half-lie. “A little, but not really.” At first, it had been about Lorenxo, then it quickly became Gina. And she has more impact on my mood than a guy I hardly know. Even Reese and all the demons I’ve dated.

“So,” Kory shrugs, leaning toward me and nudging me with his elbow, “what’s going on?”

I place my arm on the rail, propping my head up with my hand. “Just been a shitty day and-” I blow out a breath, “I kinda wanna go home. Don’t tell Von I said that.”

His lips twist weirdly and he looks away for a moment. “I’m sure if you tell her what’s going on then-”

“Yeah, but we’ve been planning this all week and I was looking forward to it and then a load of crap happened.” I press my fingers to my forehead, rubbing the spot between my eyes.

“What you’re saying is… *the* Kira Santiago,” I roll my eyes, “is making basic shit fuck up her mood?” I stare at him blankly. “Don’t know about you, but that doesn’t sound right.”

“You say that like there’s anything special about me.” I shake my head. It isn’t an insecure statement, just fact. Generally, there isn’t anything special about me. I’m one among many and not a lot of people know me. A spec on this earth like every other spec.

He tilts his head back, eyeing me with pursed lips. “I’m offended. Take that back. I’m the only one who gets to say that about you, dork.”

Before I can help it, I’m smiling. “I’m older than you,” I say, pointing at him.

It’s his turn to smile, and this time it’s all mischief and teasing. “You keep telling yourself that.”

I laugh, throwing my hands up. “What?”

He’s already up, walking backward slowly while dancing. A group of girls passing eye him—blatantly staring at his behind. They cheer and whistle and Kory revels in it, swiveling his hips. If I wasn’t amused I would’ve thrown up in my mouth.

I have to shout my words over the music for him to hear. “You are so gross.”

He shimmies with a grin, waving me over. I narrow my eyes at him but he’s gotten my mood up so it only takes a few seconds for me to get up.

TØP starts blasting through the speakers and Kory and I scream-sing the lyrics for *Migraine* in each other’s faces. My hair is all over the place, my heart palpitates in my chest. For that moment, I feel like I’m being sewn together and ripped apart as every beauty and bullshit I’ve seen and felt since I could remember, plays like a bad record in my mind.

My throat hurts, my head hurts—my entire body is on fire as the lyrics lick at my insides like a flame and the pressure behind my eyes is too much.

Kory reaches out and wipes my tears and I try to laugh. I try to pull it together—to keep singing—but the tightness in my throat chokes me. I tilt my head back, the stars blurring in my vision until they don’t exist.

Having a breakdown at Von’s birthday party and being comforted by my brother isn’t what I envisioned for the night. And Von is going to kill me because this is the drama she didn’t want. Just thinking that makes her out to be a bitch, even though I know the last thing she’d do is throw me overboard for crying. If anything, she’d likely cancel the party and tell everyone to swim back to shore.

I want to leave alone but Kory throws an arm around my shoulders, pulling me into his side and leads me instead. I keep my eyes on the ground and hope my hair hides enough of my face. My eyes burn as hot as my face so that’s not a good sign. I know I look like a zombie.

“I’m okay,I just need the bathroom,” I say, my voice cracking. I wipe my face and try to ignore the eyes on us.

Kory pats my arm. “I know. I’m taking you.”

When we stop, I shake my head. My nose scrunch at the sight of a fancy pair of brown shoes.