xxviii. lost & distractions

They’d both been staring in this direction when I saw them. Gina immediately looks away while Jodene gives me a small, apologetic smile. The latter does not make me feel better.

The small shop gets even smaller and the cool air rises to match the warm temperature outside. My skin tightens infinitesimally on my body and I turn my back to them. But Von’s there, standing next to my brother, looking pushy, and something about her presence makes my skin burn.

“I’m not staying.”

My appetite has subdued to nothing but the dryness in the back of my throat and I have no intention of changing it. I leave my cup of ice cream sitting on the counter. Kellan can find somebody else to give it to, I can always pay him back.

“Yes, you are,” Von says.

I breathe once, deeply. “I’m not.”

She replies right away. “You are.”

My jaw clenches and my fingers tighten in the fists that are already hanging at my sides. It’s so painful that I have to press my hands into my thighs before I force them open, flexing my fingers.

“Von,” Kellan says, a warning in his voice. “Give us a minute.”

“But-”

“Yvonne.”

It’s silent in our triangle of communication after that. Von only rolls her eyes and looks away but doesn’t move.

I can’t find it in myself to feel bad because I’m not in the mood for her bossiness. I’m seconds away from losing it. I don’t want to do that, but I know if I stay in here for another minute there’s a possibility of it happening.

I leave the shop without my brother, ignoring whatever they both say as I go. Neither of them follows after me.

My breathing stutters when I stumble outside, gulping down a mouthful of air to stop from derailing. They’re all watching me, I can feel it, but I don’t try to find out.

I’m not running from Gina because I’m not scared of her. However, I refuse to go to her, and maybe that makes me childish. I’m not up for the conversation, especially if she’s being forced to have it and doesn’t want to actually speak to me, knowing she’s in the wrong.

I’m about to cross the road when a hand catches mine and pulls me back onto the sidewalk.

I whine, shaking my hand out of his grip. “Kellan-” Only it’s not my brother.

My lips press together as I eye Reese. *Where did he even come from?*

He doesn’t look amused. “You were seriously about to cross the road without looking?”

Right as he says that, the sound of a car zooming by catches my attention. The sound is loud and threatening. There’s a high percentage that I would’ve been run over just then. I’m thankful it’s nighttime despite the orange streetlights so he can’t see my blush.

Crossing my arms, I stare at him blankly. “Why do you keep showing up everywhere?” I blink rapidly to get a stray strand of hair out of my eyes, but end up swiping at my temple with no luck.

Reese ducks his face closer to me, reaching up. The proximity stops me in my tracks—I forget completely what I’m doing. His movement is hesitant until he swipes his curled finger across the corner of my left eye. I blink at the relief and my cheeks get even hotter at the tingle his touch leaves on my skin.

“I like being out,” he says lowly. “What’s wrong?” The softness in his tone settles in my stomach and unsettles me in the best way.

My eyebrows furrow and I look away. “Nothing.” I shake my head. How upset do I look for him to know something’s wrong?

I try to fix my face but I’m not sure if I’m successful. I’ve always been an open book when it came to my emotions, it’s how my parents raised me.

Reese’s hand falls to his side and he straightens. His gaze is piercing the side of my face, but I keep myself busy by watching the life of the night.

There aren’t swarms of people, but for a Friday night, enough college kids are roaming the streets that no one can forget they’re on the cusp of a campus and a small city. A lot of them seem to be going to or coming from somewhere, a few louder and rowdier than others.

I don’t realize Reese and I are standing in the middle of the sidewalk until we’re basically being bombarded by a group of people. I didn’t see them coming because I was looking in the opposite direction.

The sound that comes out of my mouth is embarrassing and unexplainable when someone pushes me in Reese, deliberately and aggressively.

“Watch it,” Reese snaps over my shoulder as he steadies me. His hand curls against my side, his fingers pressing into my skin beneath my very, very thin shirt, while his other hand circles my bicep.

I inhale deeply, my eyes trained on his Adam's apple.

“We got a problem?” someone responds challengingly.

I don’t see Reese’s expression but I know it’s not pretty by his body language. His hands tighten on me before loosening. He hardly gets a step away before I’m clutching the bottom of his hoodie.

“Reese,” I mutter, hoping it’s enough the stop whatever it is he’s about to do.

I’m not special to him in any way, but the last thing I need is this kind of overstimulation. I won’t even look at the group because I don’t want to know who they are. I don’t care.

Thankfully, Reese pauses long enough to glance down at me. I meet his gaze with pleading in my expression.

His eyes are pools of colors I can hardly make out, swirling into molten brown in the night. It’s ridiculous how mesmerizing he is. The way his lashes almost brush against his honey skin with how low his eyes are. His jaw is still clenching but relaxes after a single second of looking at me.

“That’s what I thought,” the same voice retorts. Multiple sounds follow from others, which include some of them saying the person should let it go.

None of it matters though because Reese is looking at me like no one’s looked at me before. With something even softer and warmer than his eyes—a feeling that seeps its way under my skin and turns my bones into playdough.

Eventually, he sighs, letting the tension simmer into nothing. “You okay?” So soft, I almost press myself into him to absorb all of it.

Instead, I nod. From the way he stares at me and his eyebrow quirks a little, he isn’t convinced.

“You never answered any of my calls or texts,” he says suddenly.

I drop my gaze to his chest. I’d forgotten all about that until now. “It wasn’t intentional.”

He takes a step back and I start panicking inside until he coaxes me gently to follow. My breath hitches until I realize he’s doing it to free the sidewalk for another small group that’s drawing closer to us.

Nothing else matters as he pulls me into the shadows of the plaza with only a few steps and the darkness seems tenser somehow, intimate, although there are still many people out.

My hands still hold onto his top while his slides down to my hip and the other circles my wrist, pressing my right hand against his abdomen firmer.

*What is happening right now…*

“I didn’t have a concussion but I was on some meds.” I barely hear the words leave my lips. “They made me kind of loopy these past few days.” It’s gotten incredibly hard to speak. We’re so close-

“How are you feeling?”

I don’t get a chance to reply because someone’s shouting, “Jamison!” from a distance.

Reese blinks a few times as if he’s forgotten something and suddenly recalls it. He glances over his shoulder and so do I. Three people are standing on the first set of stairs that leads farther onto the campus. I can’t see their faces but it’s clear they’re waiting for him.

“Oh,” I realize, “You should go.” I shake my head, my mind replaying the past few minutes. It’s like watching it back through murky glass, like shaking off a vivid dream. Only it’s not a dream and we’re still close, still touching each other.

I go to pull away gently but he doesn’t let me. My entire body has gone into hypersensitivity mode; more aware of who he is and what’s happening. My nerves begin to jitter, sending hot and cold shocks across my skin.

“I’ll meet you!” Reese calls back.

Someone throws their hands up as Reese turned back to me. I keep my eyes on them for a second longer. His friends linger in that second before turning away and ascending the stairs, leaving him behind.

“I-I feel like you should go.” I close my eyes in embarrassment. I don’t stutter. I *make* people stutter, not the other way around!

When I open my eyes there’s an attractive tilt to his lips—the tiniest smile. I stop myself from hiding my burning face against his chest.

“Please go,” I whine, dropping my head. His hands are scorching me and I don’t know how much of it is torture or pleasure.

He chuckles. “Wanna come?”

I look up at him, squinting. “Where?”

Reese tilts his head subtly over his shoulder. “Just this thing we were gonna check out for like five minutes.”

I should say no for many reasons. As much as he’s been saving me from myself these days, I hardly know him still. It’s him. His response is too vague, and-

“I’m not dressed…” I look down at my sweats and T-Shirt.

“You’d be causing several kinds of accidents if you weren’t,” he response easily, full of mirth and amusement.

I let out a weird sound between a scoff and a laugh, rolling my eyes.

He’s grinning now—a crooked, handsome thing. I desperately want to pull us back into the light so I can gawk at his dimples.

“Seriously,” I mutter, removing the hand he isn’t holding to brush up my mess of a ponytail. “This isn’t my aesthetic.”

“Kira,” he says my name with an incredulous laugh. It makes my stomach bubble with warmth.

“It’s not!” I shrug and run my hand down my ponytail, pulling the end of my hair over my shoulder. I play with the ends of my hair to give me something to do, to distract myself from how close we are. How good he smells.

He shakes his head, but he’s smiling, with teeth and all. Reese tilts his head. Without warning, his hand slips from my wrist to wrap around my fingers, removing it from his bunched top in my fist. Our now losely joined hands hang between us. I’m sure he can feel my heart racing in my palm.

“Come on.” It’s not a demand or question, but I know I can back out if I want to. I don’t.