Chapter Twenty-Three

“No let's talk about it now. I don’t want anything ruining our night. What is it doll?”
“Well, up until the last few times we’ve been careful but lately we have been making love without using any protection. I think that maybe we should be more careful or I should get on birth control. I don’t want to end up pregnant and things between us get bad. I know we both want children but I don’t think now is the right time for us to start a family.”
“Okay doll. We can do whatever you want. If you rather I use a condom than you getting on birth control then we can do that or you can get on birth control if you prefer to do that instead. Or we could do both if that’s what you want to do. Whatever makes my Queen happy is what we will do. If I’m honest though, I’d be okay if we had a child right now, but you’re not ready so whenever we start a family is good for me.” Did he just say that he’d be okay with us having a child right now? That’s news to me. I’ve imagined us having children and even being married, but now isn’t the right time. I just transferred here and I still have plenty of work to do to get this department where it needs to be, so I can’t get pregnant now. Maternity leave and nine months of pregnancy is not going to be a good look career wise right now. We have plenty of time for that after I get things under control here.
“How about we revisit this conversation after I’ve straightened up the mess at my new office and things are going smoothly? I’m also going to need to get a doctor out here and get checked out. You know my condition, so please don’t get discouraged if it takes a while or doesn’t happen for us at all.” I look down and play with my fingers. He lifts my chin up and grabs my hands in his.
“Baby whether we have children or not is okay with me. As long as I have you in my life I’m going to be a very happy man.”
“Aww thank you baby. I feel the same way about you. I do hope that I can give you children though baby.” I kiss his cheek and then head to the kitchen and start cooking breakfast while he goes to take a shower.
Once he leaves to head to therapy, I pull out my laptop and begin making arrangements for my things to be delivered here. I call Stephanie and see if she’d like to have the living room and kitchen decorations and furniture. She says that she would greatly appreciate them and I tell her that it is no problem and make the arrangements to have those things delivered to her new place. When I’m done with all of that business, I start the process of getting all the files I need to fix this mess that we’re in at work.
After three hours of work, I manage to get a great deal of work done and I set my laptop down and stretch. I decide to get dressed and take a walk around the neighborhood to stretch my legs and get a little exercise in for the day. As I’m walking around the neighborhood a few people smile and wave and some even say hello. I smile and wave back and say hello as well. The neighbors are pretty friendly. Some of them have dogs and children running around the yard playing and I smile watching them. I can’t help but to imagine having that with Jameson one day. The thought makes me both happy and sad. What if I can’t give him children? Will he really be able to live with knowing that it will just be the two of us? I don’t want him to miss out on having a family because of me. He deserves to have everything he wants out of life.
I start to head home after walking for about thirty minutes and when I reach the house I can see him pulling into the driveway and parking instead of pulling into the garage. Is he planning on leaving again? He only parks in the driveway when he’s going to leave again. I walk a little faster and walk into the house as I see him disappear into the bathroom. Hmm that’s strange. He didn’t look for me like he normally does when he comes into the home. I follow him to the bathroom and knock on the door. He doesn’t answer.
“Baby are you alright in there?” Still no answer. Now I’m getting worried. I knock on the door again. “Baby?”
“Yeah doll. I’m okay. I’ll be out in a few.”
“Don’t do that. I know something is wrong. What happened?”
“It really isn’t anything doll. I promise I’ll be out in a few. Please don’t worry.”
“Oh okay then. I’ll go back to the living room. Did you want something specific for dinner tonight?”
“Whatever you cook will be fine with me doll.”
“Okay baby.” I walk away and head to the kitchen to take out some thighs and legs to smother with rice and corn. While the chicken is thawing out, I head back to the living room and do a little more work.
When he finally comes into the living room, I see that his left hand is bandaged. He leans down and kisses me before sitting next to me on the sofa. I try to keep working since he told me that nothing is really wrong but it bothers me too much and I have to ask.
“Jameson why do you have a bandage wrapped around your hand? What happened to you?”
“I sprained my wrist during therapy today doll. It’ll be okay.”
I continue to work and he turns on the television and watches the Discovery Channel. Later I get up and go to the kitchen to start cooking the chicken. Once dinner is ready, an hour later, I call him into the kitchen and we sit at the table and begin eating in silence. When we finish eating, I take our plates and start to clean up the kitchen and put the food away. I went into the bathroom when I finished and got into the shower. Tonight I’m very tired so I don’t take that long in there. When I’m done I dry myself off and put on a nightgown and panties and climb into bed. He takes his shower and by the time he gets into bed I’m already half way asleep. I move closer to him and put my head on his chest and reach my free hand up to play with his hair. He wraps his arms around me and gently rubs my back until I fall asleep.
Tonight is different. I don’t have the peaceful sleep that I normally have, but instead I’m awakened by thunder and my own screams. When my eyes finally open he’s holding me tight and making soothing sounds while telling me that it was just a bad dream. Apparently I was screaming in my sleep before the thunder started. I’m practically climbing on top of him trying to get close so he ends up pulling me on top of him and I lay down on his chest holding him tight. Again he rubs my back and slowly my body starts to relax. I know that he wants to know what’s going on with me but he won’t ask, at least not tonight. I’ll tell him in the morning but for now I just want to try to get some sleep especially since I’ll be going into the office tomorrow.
The next morning I tell him all about my dream. It was basically an old childhood memory that I hadn’t thought about in years. Something bad almost happened to me because of a stupid girl in our neighborhood that didn’t like me just because her brother did. I don’t know why she felt so threatened because it isn’t like my mother would ever allow me to date him and to be honest even if she did I wouldn’t have because he wasn’t my cup of tea as they say. The guy was a drug dealer and I wasn’t and still am not into that whole bad boy thing some girls and women are into. Anyway, after I tell him he gives me a big hug and tells me that I have nothing to worry about as long as I have him and that makes me smile. I always feel safe with him so for him to say it only made me feel even better. Knowing that no matter what he’ll be there for me makes me feel like the luckiest woman on Earth. I kiss him on the cheek and start to get ready for work.
“Baby come on because you know you have to drive me to work today since you have therapy.”
“Doll why do you have to go in today? Can’t you just work from home like you’ve been doing? I don’t want to come home and you’re not here.”