No Sleep

As the moon hung low in the sky, casting eerie shadows across my bedroom, I laid in bed tossing and turning. Thoughts raced through my mind, keeping sleep at bay. I couldn’t believe how reckless I had been, the fact that I still kissed Jason even after Sebastian nearly catching us proved how dangerous it was to be around Jason.

I knew it was time for me to move out of our family home, to distance myself from him and the temptation that lingered between us. It was a decision that we all had to make, but now it felt urgent, necessary. I couldn’t bear the thought of our secret being discovered, of the shame and the guilt that would come crashing down on us.

Quietly, I slipped out of bed and made my way to the window, pushing it open to let in the cool night air. The breeze brushed against my skin, offering some small comfort in the darkness. I watched the shadows dance across the walls, feeling a sense of unease settling in my chest.

I had to get out of the house as soon as possible. I couldn’t risk our parents finding out about Jason and me, about the way we looked at each other when no one was watching. It was dangerous, reckless, and I had to protect us from the inevitable fallout.

I made a plan in my mind, deciding that I would tell our parents I was going back to our beach house  that weekend. It wasn’t a lie – I did need some time alone to sort through my feelings, to figure out how to move forward without destroying my family in the process.

As I gazed out of my window at the moon casting a shimmering light, my decision was final. I needed to move back to the beach house ahead of Sebastian and Nathan, I couldn't take the secrecy anymore, the furtive glances and stolen moments. I needed to be with Jason, openly and freely. 

I quickly grabbed my phone and typed out a message to him, my fingers trembling with anticipation. "I think I should move back to the beach house sooner than planned. I can't keep sneaking around like this," I sent the text and waited anxiously for his response. 

My phone buzzed almost immediately, and my heart skipped a beat as I read his reply. "I think that's a good idea. We can stop sneaking around at home. I'm sorry for putting you in an awkward position. Goodnight." 

A mix of relief and excitement flooded through me as I read his message. He was on board with the idea, and I felt a weight lifting off my shoulders. But as I set my phone down on the nightstand, a new wave of doubt crept in. What would my mom think about me leaving so soon? We still had two more weeks before our planned departure, and I didn't want to upset her. 

I closed my eyes and tried to calm my racing thoughts, to find some semblance of peace in the midst of chaos. But sleep eluded me, slipping through my fingers like sand as I stared up at the ceiling, feeling the weight of my choices bearing down on me.

I tossed and turned in bed, the weight of my upcoming talk with my mother pressing down on me like a heavy blanket. Moving out was the best decision but the thought of actually telling my her was enough to make my stomach churn with anxiety. What if she said no? What if she didn’t understand my reasons for wanting to leave so soon, especially when she had only been back home for barely a week?

As I stared up at the ceiling, the glow-in-the-dark stars that adorned it mocking me with their twinkling light.

The silence of the night broken only by the sounds of the occasional car passing by outside, I couldn’t shake the feeling of guilt that crept into my mind.

The next morning, I woke up with a sense of purpose, the weight of my decision no longer crushing me but instead propelling me forward. I found my mom in the kitchen, sipping on a cup of coffee and reading the morning paper. She looked up as I entered the room, a soft smile on her face.

“Good morning, sweetheart,” she said. “Did you sleep well?”

I hesitated for a moment, the words I wanted to say caught in my throat. But then, gathering my courage, I took a deep breath and spoke.

“Mom, I need to talk to you about something,” I said, my voice steady despite the nervous flutter in my stomach.

My mom set down her cup of coffee, her brow furrowed with concern. “What is it, honey? Is everything okay?”

I took a seat at the kitchen table, fidgeting with the edge of my shirt as I tried to find the right words.

Finally, I looked up at my her and said, “I’ve been thinking, and I’ve decided that I want to move back to the beach house sooner, I want to be alone before Nathan and Sebastian move back, soon we will start work and I need time to myself, I lied, well it was half truth because I did want to be alone for some time.

There was a moment of silence as my mom processed my words, her eyes searching mine for any sign of doubt or hesitation. And then, to my surprise, a smile slowly spread across her face.