Time to Go

Two weeks had crawled by so slowly, Carrie could almost count them as months. Every day, she and Jonathan would go out and check a new area of Liverpool for Robert. Every day, they would come up empty handed.
Speaking to the newspaper reporter had been difficult. Jonathan had explained that the pair of them would be willing to grant an interview so long as the questions were not too terribly invasive, and the reporter from the local paper had agreed. But once he’d begun to ask questions, they’d become increasingly intrusive until he was asking her to relive the events of the sinking, and she’d had to step away. Jonathan, who was normally so put together, had also stepped aside, telling the man this wasn’t what they’d agreed to. He’d apologized and asked to try again, but Carrie told him he had enough for his story now and to be sure to state in the article that anyone who might be looking for her should contact him. The article had run in the paper the next day, and checking in with him had become part of her daily routine, but after fourteen days of coming up empty handed, with only other reporters from other papers reaching out to him to see is she was available to share her story with them as well, Carrie had to decide the gig was up.
“Just because we are going back to New York, that doesn’t mean we have to stop looking,” Jonathan reminded her as she stood near the window of her hotel room. They’d had very nice accommodations in Liverpool because of Mr. Ashton’s bank account in England. He’d been able to authorize them to spend whatever they needed for the room, clothing, meals, and tickets home on any ship they chose. They could’ve secured transportation via Cunard, the owners of Lusitania, but the last thing Carrie wanted was to stand aboard a ship that looked like the very one she'd just seen slip beneath the surface of the sea forever.
“We should be leaving soon.” He squeezed her arm gently. “The St. Louis leaves in less than two hours. As much as I don’t want to climb aboard another passenger liner, I don’t want to miss it either.”
It took her a moment to respond as sadness welled up inside of her. She’d been so optimistic when she thought of putting the article in the paper, but her highest hopes had not come to fruition, and now, she was leaving with nothing.
The thought that it might be time to accept Robert had not survived crept into the corners of her mind, but Carrie wasn’t ready to face it yet. Perhaps he’d hit his head and didn’t remember who he was. Maybe he’d drifted to an island where there was no one to help him, but he’d be rescued soon. He could’ve been so severely injured he wasn’t able to communicate his name to anyone. A thousand possibilities played over and over in her mind to try to explain away his absence without considering the most likely one of all–that Robert hadn’t made it.
“Carrie?”
She realized she hadn’t responded to Jonathan’s statement. “Yes.” She turned around. “Yes, of course. We should go.”
He nodded and gathered the new bags they’d purchased. Neither of them had more than a few changes of clothing in them and a few necessities. Another memory of the fine clothes she’d bought for her trip flickered in her mind. They weren’t important, but it was a reminder that nothing had turned out as she’d expected it to.
They took a hired motorcoach to the docks. The scent of fresh sea air which used to invigorate her made her stomach turn. A glance in Jonathan’s direction told her he was struggling as well. How were they to endure a week’s long voyage across the very sea that had tried to swallow them whole?
“Come along,” Jonathan prompted once the car had stopped. “I know it’s gut wrenching, but until aeroplanes are more reliable, and fit more people, this is the best we can do.”
Despite her twisted stomach, Carrie let out a giggle. “Do you honestly think one day we’ll all be flying around in the sky like a flock of birds?”
He shrugged. “It’s already happening. Just wait and see.”
Carrie laughed again, glad for the distraction. She had heard rumors of people using aeroplanes to get around, but the idea that one day just anyone would be able to climb into one of those large metal birds and take to the skies seemed like something out of a Jules Vern novel. It seemed just as frightening to be aboard a sinking aeroplane as it did to be on a ship going under, although she doubted there would be any chance of survival from falling from the sky.
With every step she took toward the St. Louis, her amusement faded. She gripped Jonathan’s arm with her free hand and carried her bag with the other, wondering if he was as frightened as she was.
“Do you remember how Mr. Ashton didn’t want to leave his room during our trips to and from Southampton together?” he asked in a somber tone.
“I do,” she said, and before he could add more, she continued, “and now I think I understand why.”
A chuckle rumbled in his throat. “Well, I managed to convince myself to spend time out in the open air on that voyage, but on this one, I may be locked in my room for the entirety of the journey. This might just be my last trip across the ocean.”
Carrie hoped that wouldn’t be because this ship also sank, but then, there were still German U-boats in the waters near Great Britain, weren’t there? A shiver went down her spine. She never wanted to experience anything like that again.
Thankfully, Jonathan still had his wits about him enough to check them in and get them situated in their rooms. The accommodations were smaller, partially because they’d booked so late, but also because this ship wasn’t nearly as luxurious as Lusitania had been. It would do, though, and Carrie decided to hang her spare outfits in the closet and try to pretend as if she were happy to be there. Was it really only a few weeks ago that she’d thought sailing across the ocean would be a grand adventure? Well, she’d had an adventure, all right, but not the kind she ever wished to have again.
A knock on her door startled her. She was used to Jonathan having an adjoining room, but this time, he was across the hall. She hoped it was him and not a steward or someone coming to check on her. She hated the idea of having to plaster a fake smile on her face and thank someone for providing such a nice room when all she really wanted to do was hide under the bed.
She opened the door to find her friend standing there with a nervous expression on his face. “I thought we should go out on the deck to wave goodbye to dryland.”
“Why?” she asked, folding her arms. “In case we never see it again?”
He smirked. “It’s considered bad luck to hide away in your room for the disembarkment, I believe. Besides, we should figure out where the closest lifeboats are and how they operate before we lock ourselves away.”
That did seem like a good idea to her. There would likely be a muster drill later. Most ships had them now. But that wouldn’t give them an opportunity to inspect the equipment. “That’s a good idea,” she admitted. With a sigh, she walked with him through the narrow hallways to the closest deck, memorizing the path in case she needed to know it in the dark at some point. Another chill went down her back. It was difficult not to put herself back in the position she’d been in on the Lusitania when she’d been so excited for their adventure.
Up on deck, a crowd had gathered along the railing. Lots of people were waving at loved ones standing along the dock. Even those who knew no one still had a fun time waving goodbye. Carrie twisted her hands together nervously, wanting nothing more than to go back to her room.
Jonathan led her over to the lifeboats, but she realized she had no idea what she was looking at anyway, so she let him do his inspection. A few times, he grunted, like he didn’t approve of whatever mechanisms he had discovered.
Eventually, he stepped back to her. “I believe these are in even worse shape than the ones on Lusitania. Let’s hope we don’t need them.”
All she could do was nod, biting back the first thought that popped into her head. Obviously, she hoped they did not need them.
While they were looking at the lifeboats, the ship had been pulling away. Carrie caught a glimpse of the port behind them, and an overwhelming feeling of sadness washed over her. She was leaving–without Robert. This wasn’t what was supposed to happen.
Warm tears filled her eyes. She did her best to hide them, but Jonathan was the most perceptive person she’d ever met. “It’ll be all right, Carrie. We’ll find him.”
“We won’t if he’s… gone.” She couldn’t bring herself to say that word. Dead. How could Robert be dead?
“I know you haven’t given up on him.” His tone was almost convincing.
Carrie managed a nod. She didn’t want to believe she would never see the man she loved again, but it had been over two weeks. Maybe it was time to face the facts.
“Why don’t we go….” Jonathan stopped talking, and his forehead crinkled. “Is that…?”
Carrie turned to look in the direction where Jonathan was staring. In the distance, she saw a tall man with dark hair wearing an ill-fitting suit, as if the clothes weren’t his. Her heart skipped a beat. “Oh, my God!” Before Jonathan could even take hold of her arm, she rushed over, dodging people and weaving through the crowd toward the man who from behind looked just like Robert.
Eventually, she caught up to him. Grabbing him by the shoulder, she said, “Robert!”
The man turned around, and Carrie’s heart sank. It wasn’t him. The man’s eyebrows raised in confusion. “Pardon?”
Gasping and trying not to cry–again–Carrie released the man’s arm. “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought… I thought you might be–”
“Carrie?”
Her breath caught in her throat again. Was it possible? The voice from behind her sounded so familiar, and the way her name fell from his lips made her heart clench. Slowly, she turned around, afraid to even look at whomever had said her name. Getting her hopes up again only to have them dashed just might be her undoing.
With a deep breath, she lifted her gaze to meet a pair of warm brown eyes. “Robert?”
A smile broke across his handsome face. “It is you!”
Before he could say more, Carrie flung herself into his open arms. “Oh, Robert! I thought… I thought maybe you hadn’t….” She still couldn’t force herself to say the words.
He squeezed her so tightly, she thought she might break a rib, but she didn’t even care as she locked her arms around his neck. “I’ve been searching for you. They took me to a small Irish island. I was in the hospital for a few days with frostbite, but then, I managed to get to Queenstown. It took a while to raise enough money from kind people in the town to catch a train and then the ferry to Liverpool.” He released her enough so that she could look at his face. He looked tired and pale, but otherwise no worse for the wear. “I just got to Liverpool yesterday. I saw the newspaper, but by the time I got to the hotel this morning, they said you’d checked out. A kind man in the lobby overheard my conversation and offered to pay for my transportation back to New York. I was hoping we’d be on the same ship.”
Tears slid down her cheeks. “I’m so glad you’re all right. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you, too.” With that, Robert pressed his lips to hers, and all the fear and desperation she’d been feeling for the past two weeks faded away. Robert was alive, and she was never letting him out of her sight again.