Ill

“Are you all right, Meg? You look a bit… green.”
It was only slightly amusing to her that Charlie was so concerned about her coloring considering how many times recently she’d been worried that he had no color at all. “I’m fine, darling,” she said, quietly.
“I’m sorry what was supposed to be a happy reunion has become so morbid and disconcerting,” Kelly offered. “Let me get you some water.”
Before Meg could even respond whether or not she wanted any, a glass was thrust into her hand. She took a slow sip, and she vaguely heard Kelly going on about how lovely it was to have both cold and hot water from a tap in her very own kitchen, though she supposed it wasn’t really her kitchen since they were only living there on Charlie’s good graces, but it was still nice, as was the radiant heat and the bathroom facilities. They’d also met some lovely neighbors with a daughter Ruth’s age….
Meg knew she was simply trying to draw her attention away from the weighty topics they’d been discussing, but it really wasn’t working. Thoughts of returning to Southampton made her stomach lurch again, especially if the city was broken after such a loss of life. Not to mention she’d have to go by passenger liner, and Charlie had already said he’d never step foot on another ship again, though she thought he might be exaggerating since he did so much business in London.
“Meg?” His voice was soft against her ear. “Would you like to go back to your apartment and lie down for a bit?”
She turned to face him, his lips brushing her cheek as she did so. “I’d like to stay and see Lizzie if we could,” she reminded him.
“I think it might be best if you came back another time. You don’t look well. We can’t both be stumbling about like drunken fools.”
She knew he was teasing, but there was truth behind the statement. Meg was about to protest again when a soft whimper from the back bedroom caught her attention. She looked at Kelly.
“It sounds like the princess might be awake. Let me go see.”
As soon as Kelly was out of the room, Charlie’s lips found hers, and Meg was relieved to have the opportunity to think of nothing but him for a few moments. His hand softly caressed her cheek, and she leaned into him, hoping he understood just how much these stolen kisses meant to her; it wasn’t just the voices in his head that needed taming.
She heard Kelly in the hallway as she spoke in a sing-song voice to her youngest daughter. Ruth’s voice tinkled through the air as well, and Meg managed to pull herself away from Charlie, who straightened her collar and then his own tie, giving her a wink, which made her giggle despite the situation.
“Look who’s here, Lizzie,” Kelly said, stepping around the end of the couch.
The baby’s face lit up, as if she recognized Meg, and as Meg opened her arms, she swung into her embrace. “Hello, sweet girl,” Meg said, and Lizzie cooed at her. “She’s growing so much.”
“I know,” Kelly agreed, standing nearby. “She’ll be scurrying about, running after this one before we know it.”
Ruth made herself comfortable on Charlie’s lap, her new doll clutched to her chest. “Are you leaving soon, Uncle Charlie?”
“I’m afraid so,” he replied, wrapping his arms around her little waist. “Would you like to come and visit at my house one day?”
Ruth’s face lit up as she turned to face him. “Could we?”
“Yes, of course. Any time.”
“She’d get lost in five minutes at your house, I suppose,” Kelly laughed.
“We’ll assign Mr. Jonathan as your personal assistant then,” he said into Ruth’s ear but loudly enough for everyone to hear.
“Mr. Jonaffin is my friend!” Ruth reminded him. “I miss him.”
“I know you do, darling,” Charlie replied. “And he wanted to come, but he’s been quite busy at the factory this week.”
“Daniel mentioned he’d seen him. I’m surprised he’s back to work already.”
“We can’t all lay about all day long without doing anything productive.” Charlie was poking fun at himself, but Meg felt the need to jab him in the side, a reminder that he wasn’t just lying about for the sake of being lazy.
“You do seem much better than the last time I saw you, though your color is still a bit pale,” Kelly observed.
“I feel much better,” Charlie said. “I think I shall go back soon enough.”
“I feel better, too,” Ruth chimed in. “But I have bad dreams sometimes.”
“You do?” Charlie asked, leaning forward so she could see his face when she turned her head.
“Yes. About the boat.”
“Me, too,” Charlie admitted.
“I think we all do, love,” Kelly said. Lizzie made a fussing sound, and Meg handed her back. “Except this one. I don’t think she has any idea.” She kissed her daughter on the forehead.
“Lucky duck,” Charlie said, as he tickled the babe-in-question’s big sister until she laughed aloud.
Meg didn’t mention that she was also nightmare free when it came to the ship; her nightmares still contained spindly fingers and monsters that shadowed bedroom doors.
“I’m afraid we need to be off,” Charlie said, still looking at Meg with great concern.
She gave him a reassuring smile. “I am a bit tired.”
“It was lovely to see you,” Kelly said, bouncing Lizzie.
Charlie slid Ruth off of his lap onto the couch and stood, offering his hand to Meg, which she used to pull herself up off of the plush sofa.
“Can we really come to your house?” Ruth asked grabbing his other hand.
“You can.” He turned his attention to Kelly. “Ring the house and let them know when you’d like to come over, perhaps sometime next week. You have the number?”
“Yes, it’s over there by the telephone.” Kelly nodded in the direction of the contraption on the wall in the dining room. Meg wondered how she hadn’t noticed it before, as if it was commonplace now.
“It was lovely to see you,” Charlie said, giving Kelly a hug and a peck on the cheek before telling Lizzie goodbye in a sweet voice that made Meg melt just a bit on the inside. He scooped Ruth up and held her for a moment before kissing her cheek and making her promise to be a good girl.
“You don’t have my number, do you?” Meg asked as she hugged Kelly.
“I don’t,” she admitted.
“Just ask the operator for number four-forty-five Fifth Avenue,” Charlie explained.
“That’s a bit of a tongue twister, but I think I have it,” Kelly smiled.
“Goodbye, Aunty Meg,” Ruth said as she extended her hands from Charlie and Meg took her in her arms.
“Goodbye, darling. Be a good girl. I will see you soon.”
“Aunty Meg, don’t be afraid of the next boat. It’ll be safe,” the little girl assured her, and Meg looked at the other two adults in the room, wondering if there was any way Ruth may have overheard their conversation. Their wide eyes told them they didn’t think so. Ruth leaned in so that she was whispering directly into Meg’s ear, her breath tickling her so that she jumped. “Also, don’t worry about the monsters. Uncle Charlie will protect you.”
When she was done, Meg pulled back to look at her. “Thank you, Ruthie. I will remember.” She knew she’d never used that word aloud—monster—even though she’d thought it several times since she’d entered the room. She set the little girl on the floor and spied her suspiciously for a moment. Ruth had known Titanic would sink long before it did; if she felt assured that Meg was safe, she would try to take the message to heart.
“We’ll see you soon,” Kelly said, taking Ruth’s hand.
They said their goodbyes, and Meg stepped out into the hall, taking Charlie’s arm. They were silent all the way to the lift, and only then did Charlie greet the operator and ask him to take them to the ground level. It wasn’t until they were outside in the fresh air that Charlie asked, “What did she whisper in your ear?”
Meg swallowed hard. “Nothing important.” She wasn’t willing to tell him anymore about the monster just then. He kissed her hand and helped her into the car before going around to get in on the other side. Meg suddenly realized she was much more exhausted than she had noticed. She was hopeful that she could manage a nap, though there were voices in her own head now, ones she hadn’t heard for a long time—ones she’d hoped she’d never hear again. Charlie was talking, and it helped to lessen the sounds of a little girl crying and an old man’s raspy whispers, but it wasn’t enough, and she suddenly knew exactly what Charlie had been living with these past few weeks. It could only be described as pure hell.