Chapter 16: A Slip of the Tongue

Today was just like any other day for me. At the front of the bus sat a kid so small that his yellow bucket hat only peeked over the back of his seat. With every bounce of the suspension, his tiny head would wobble as if it was loosely attached to his neck. He reminded me of the bobbleheads that my father used to collect and this thought kind of comforted me during my ride. Watching his head disappear and reappear every once in a while became my only form of entertainment as I waited to reach my destination.

A small smile crept to my lips as I watched him wipe the condensation from the window with the sleeve of his oversized sweater before pressing his button nose against the glass. I turned to look at mine and drew a smiley face on it, smirking at my silly drawing.

I felt my phone vibrate in my hands and I glanced down to see the notification I received. It was from Arthur.

From: Arthur
I’d just want to say that I’m sorry. It ended so abruptly and even though you said that you’re not mad, I know that I should still do better. I will stop mentioning about Sandy or any other woman I’ve been with. You are my girlfriend, after all. I’m only supposed to be focused on you.

My jaw dropped to the floor as I felt a pang of guilt.

Sandra, you idiot!

I hit the palm of my hand against my forehead several times in frustration. I quickly typed back my response, immediately wanting to reassure him that everything was fine.

To: Arthur
Do not say sorry! You did not do anything wrong at all.

I just wanted to tell him that everything was my fault. It was my fault for not being able to tell him the truth and by making things more complicated because of that. I quickly checked our messages the moment I felt my phone vibrate again.

From: Arthur
Are you sure?

I let out a sigh of exasperation. I am a terrible human being for making him even feel this way at all. Arthur has been nothing but kind to me this whole time, while I am here lying to him about that night. I paused for a moment.

“Well, I mean, it’s technically not lying if I don’t really say anything.” I mumbled to myself as I rubbed my chin, thinking deeply.

I shook my head, trying to shake away my thoughts. No, Sandra, you need to find a way to fix this. I took a deep breath as I started drafting my message.

To: Arthur
Want to have coffee after work? Let’s meet at the cafe that has terrible coffee and talk.

I bit my lower lip as I pressed send hesitantly. I let out a soft sigh as I rested my head against the window of the bus. I sandwiched my phone with my hands on my lap as I waited anxiously for his response. I needed to make it up to him for last night. I feel terrible for keeping his hopes up and for kicking him out of my apartment so abruptly. I groaned to myself in annoyance. It’s getting harder and harder for me to hide the truth from him.

From: Arthur
Alright. See you.

I breathed out a sigh of relief as I stuffed my phone inside of my bag. I didn’t have a solid plan yet, but I guess I can just wing it. I glanced outside to see Williams, Inc. getting closer and closer. I balled my hands into a tight fist. I can do this.

Work just went by in a blur. I finished my tasks quickly so I still have time to prepare for my coffee date with Arthur. I clocked out on time and arrived early at the cafe. As soon as I settled down, I instantly felt anxious. A bunch of questions popped into my head, overwhelming me with it. What should I tell him? Do I tell him the truth? How will he react? Will he handle it? All these questions came flooding in, making me zone out. A small tap on my shoulder brought me back to reality, making me jolt in surprise.

“Oh, you’re here!” I put on a fake smile as I enthusiastically greeted Arthur. Good thing he grinned in return as if he didn’t notice my act and sat down opposite of me.

“You’re early! Too excited to have some alone time with me?” He asked smugly while wiggling his eyebrows, making me burst into laughter. I decided to play along to prolong our ‘talk’.

“Oops, you caught me.” I put a hand on my chest and put on an exaggerated expression. We both laughed heartily at our silliness. God! I just wish we could do this all night and forget about talking.

As soon as we recollect ourselves, he volunteered to order coffee for the both of us. The moment he left the table, I panicked once again thinking of what to say to him. Maybe I should just tell him the truth. I’ll just tell him I’m Sandy and hope for the best. He had this joyful expression as he returned with two coffees in his hand. I immediately felt a pang of guilt as I saw the happy look on his face because I knew that this would eventually turn into disappointment, sadness, or even anger.

“I’m sorry.” I muttered under my breath before he even reached the table. I gave him a tight-lipped smile as he set down the two cups.

“What did you say?” He asked cheerfully, not knowing what’s about to happen tonight.

“Nothing.” I retorted as I grabbed my coffee and took a sip. He also did the same and we fell into silence for a while. He was the first to break the silence as he finished drinking.

“So… What are we supposed to talk about?” He inquired excitedly. This is it. The question I’ve been dreading to answer has finally come.

“Well…” I started choking on my words. I took a big gulp of my coffee. I felt extremely nervous. My hands started sweating and my heart was beating quickly. “I just wanted to apologize for what happened yesterday.” I looked down at my hands, feeling ashamed because I kept on stalling.

Come on, Sandra you can do this.

Just say you’re Sandy and accept the consequences.

“No, don’t be it’s all my fault. I’m sorry for bringing up Sandy.” He sincerely looked apologetic. He ran a hand on his hair, a thing he does when he’s nervous. “You’re the only woman for me. I promise to never do that again.” He licked his lips as he finished his sentence. His innocence is surely adorable but it only made me feel even more guilty than I was earlier.

“Oh no, that’s not the reason why I sent you out last night.” I placed my hand on top of his as if to comfort him. All of a sudden, his face lit up as if he registered what I said.

“You’re not mad about that?” He asked, making me nod in acknowledgement. “I was worried that you might get the wrong idea last night, thankfully you didn’t.” He sighed in relief as he wiped an imaginary sweat on his forehead.

“Actually, Arthur I want to tell you something.” I murmured shyly. I can’t bear seeing his innocent face so I just looked down at the table. He didn’t say anything which means he’s waiting for me to continue. God, I’m so jittery that I keep fidgeting in my seat. Here goes nothing. “I’m actually…” I drew out feeling agitated.

“What?” He spoke abruptly, making me look up at him. As I met his eyes, my mind went blank. I couldn’t think about anything. Maybe I was too nervous. “You’re what? He asked again, making me sit up straight.

“I’m actually worried about others finding out about us so I wanted to tell you that I want to quit my job.” I talked as quickly as I could. It even felt like I was rapping with how fast I spoke. He just stared at me. His eyes went from being confused to concerned as I suppressed the sudden desire to do a facepalm. Why do I keep doing this?

“Are you sure about this? I know I said earlier I won’t force you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with but I just wanted to know if you have thought this through?” He reached his hand out to me to hold both my hands and brought it up to his lips. My insides were screaming as I felt my eye twitch with stress. I can’t believe I did it again. It was just like the time that I was supposed to reject him.

I simply nodded in response, to which he pried again. “What’s your plan?”

“I’ll just find a job in a TV or film production company.” I uttered quite unsure of myself. After all, I just suddenly thought about this now. He just furrowed his brows at me, unsatisfied with my answer. “I’ve always wanted to become a celebrity makeup and hair stylist. It’s been my dream for the longest time.” I sighed dreamily as I rested my chin on the palm of my hand. A small smile crept to my lips as I recalled the first time I’ve used makeup. It was definitely not pretty. “I used to be a makeup and hair stylist in KB Studios before I worked in Williams, Inc.”

“Then why did you end up working as an events coordinator?” He asked curiously as he tilted his head to the side in confusion. A wave of unwanted memories washed over me. I inhaled sharply as I balled my hands into tight fists.

“I guess I just wanted to try something new.” I said nonchalantly with a shrug, desperately trying to mask the sad expression on my face. “But makeup and hair has always been my passion.”

“Well, if that’s the case, then let me help you.” He spoke as he reached his pockets to pull out his phone. I immediately stood up and held his arm to stop him.

“No, don’t!” He just stared at me and stopped his actions. “I don’t want to get into a company because of connections.” I muttered softly as I sat back down. I got into this mess, and I have to find a way to get out of it. I looked at him to see his expressions softened.

“I understand.” He voiced out but still reached out his pocket to pull out his wallet. I tilted my head to the side, confused as to why he suddenly took his wallet out. He soon withdrew a bunch of calling cards. “These people can help you land a job in those fields you said earlier.” He told me as he handed me a couple of calling cards.

As I received the cards, I checked each of one of them. After scanning everything, I put the cards inside my bag and thanked Arthur.

I can’t believe I’m going to try to pursue my dream again.

And it was all just because of a slip of the tongue.