Chapter 24: The Painful Truth

Arthur knows the truth.

And like a coward, I just ran away.

I’m definitely facing the consequences of it all now. I can feel the impact of my actions weighing down on me as I stared at my phone’s screen in shock. The panic that welled up inside of me started out as thin tissue, something that my fingers can manage to pierce breathing holes in. However, as time progressed, the panic had transformed into a flood of ice water surrounding every limb, creeping higher until it passed my nose and mouth. I grasped my chest, trying to calm down my fast-paced heartbeat as I took deep, shaky breaths.

What am I going to do now?

From: Arthur
I’m coming to your apartment now. We need to talk.

Despite my attempts to calm myself down, my breathing continued to become rapid and shallow. I held my head as I felt my pulse pounding in my temples. With a deep sigh, I sat on the edge of my bed. My legs felt like it was going to give out from so much nervousness. Thoughts filled with regret took over my mind as I laid down on my bed.

Even though I don’t want to, I have to face him.

I have to do what is right.

I hugged one of my pillows close to my chest as I shut my eyes tightly, wishing that all of this was just a dream. I hated how I kept on blaming Kevin a while ago for ruining everything when in reality, I’m the one who has done this to myself and the people around me. I chose to go to that party that night. I chose to not tell Arthur the truth after. I chose to transform myself with makeup because of the coward in me again.

My thoughts were interrupted when I heard a knock on the door. My heart skipped a beat as I shot up from my bed. He’s here. I swung my feet out of my bed and into my slippers and hurriedly walked towards the door.

I reached out to open the door but the coward in me stopped my hand from moving any further. It shakily hovered over the doorknob as I could hear him pacing back and forth outside. It hurts me, knowing that I did this to him. He has been nothing but kind to me during our relationship, and yet I repay him with this.

“Sandra?” His low, husky voice sent shivers down my spine. I took a deep breath as I finally held the doorknob. The cold surface managed to wake me up and bring me back to reality.

“C-coming.” I stuttered as I hesitantly unlocked the door. A wave of emotions immediately washed over me when I saw the look on his face. His eyes were narrowed, rigid, cold, and hard. At that moment I knew he was already far away. The anger that flared from his eyes showed a look of betrayal and disgust.

“How could you?” He said those three words through clenched teeth. His voice was cold and harsh. I opened and closed my mouth to speak, but no words came out. It felt like my heart was breaking apart. I never got the chance to say anything as he stormed inside the apartment and slammed the door shut. “So all this time you have been deceiving me then? Unbelievable?” He threw his hands up in exasperation. I was just staring at him the whole time, scared that I might say something wrong.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…” My words were cut short as he laughed sarcastically at my lame excuse.

“You didn’t mean what? You didn’t mean lying to my face every time you see me?” He said incredulously as his face turned red in anger. “We’ve been in a relationship for a couple of months now, Sandra. You had lots of chances to come up to me and say ‘Hi, Arthur! I’m also Sandy.’ It isn’t that hard.” He added, making me look down. I know he’s right. I really didn’t mean to keep it to him but being the sissy that I am, I just didn’t have the heart to break it to him.

“It may sound like an excuse but I thought that keeping it from you would be much better. I already like our current situation, I didn’t want to ruin that.” I mustered all the courage I had to make him understand my sentiments. He just looked at me like I had grown another head.

“Are you kidding me? It’s already ruined and you still had the audacity to give me that lame excuse.” He closed his eyes and turned his back on me trying to hold his anger but it felt like he was failing miserably.

His heavy breathing was the only sound in the room at the moment. By now it felt like I had dug my own grave and I couldn’t get out without having to tell him the whole thing. I just stared at his back for a long time contemplating where to start explaining to him. Where should I begin? How will I tell him? All these worries flooded endlessly in my mind. My thoughts drifted away as to how I would answer all these things. His voice immediately cut off my internal monologue.

“Did you even love me?” He asked softly, his voice was filled with hurt. I didn’t realize he was already facing me. His eyes were longing for the right answers. I felt my chest pang with guilt. I feel like crying at his statement.

“I do love you, Arthur.” I tried to reach out my hand to him but he just swatted it away as if he was disgusted at me.

“Because if you did, you would’ve told me earlier.” He said furiously, making me flinch at his harsh tone. This wasn’t like the Arthur I loved but then again this was all my fault. I made him turn this way. If only I hadn’t run away at the gala that night, maybe things wouldn’t be as worse as now.

“Please believe me when I say that I love you.” I pleaded, making him stare at me indifferently. I didn’t dare get close to him, afraid that he would just push me away. At this point, I felt like I’m on the brink of crying. I can feel my throat tighten and my eyes welling up.

“I can’t take any more of these lies, Sandra. When will you start telling me the truth?” He shouted, making me wince at him. I took a step back at him.

By now, I felt hot tears rolling down my cheeks. I couldn’t contain the overwhelming emotions anymore as I broke down in front of him. He tried to come close to comfort me but I just kept on crying nonstop. He pulled me near his chest and engulfed me in a warm embrace. If this were any other day, I would have been flustered by this but today is a different day. I continued to ball my eyes out on his chest as he rubbed his hand on my back trying to soothe me.

“I’m sorry.” I heard him saying in between my sobs. The tears just kept flowing down continuously and he constantly patted my back. After pouring out all the tears I had, I felt the fatigue wash over me. I pulled back and saw my tears stained his suit.

“I’m sorry about that.” I looked up to him apologetically. His eyes softened and he gently cupped my face and wiped my tears away using his thumbs. I closed my eyes to savor his touch.

“I shouldn’t have shouted like that. I’m sorry.” He mumbled as he removed his hands from my face. I suddenly missed their warmth. “My anger got the best of me today. I was just frustrated about the fact that you kept this hidden from me.” He added, making me open my eyes to gaze at him. He clearly regretted what he did earlier as it was evident in his eyes.

It was my turn to cup his face this time. “I’ll tell you everything you want to know.” I told him and he nodded in response.

This is now the moment of truth.