Chapter 25: How and Why We Hurt

Does the truth imprison us, or does it set us free?

One thing I know for sure, the truth can hurt.

I can kind of compare my situation to a drug addict or an alcoholic who has faced an intervention from friends and professionals. Through this, the addict will have a head on collision with the truth. The addict is now faced with a mirror of herself, and of the love and concern of people who she cares about. The addict hopefully sees the truth in their eyes and words and eventually does turn their lives around.

Facing the truth about our negative sides is a difficult thing to do. However, none of us can improve without knowing the truth, even when it hurts. If we learn, the truth really does set us free.

It’s time for me to face the negative side of me and to talk about the trauma that I have developed because of Kevin. I’ve hid all of this from him and kept all of my emotions and past trauma to myself.

It is time for me to have a taste of freedom.

With a sigh, I leaned my back against the wall and slowly fell to the floor. I patted the space beside me and he reluctantly followed. He furrowed his eyebrows as he stared at me expectantly.

I took a deep breath and flashed him a sad smile. “Ever since I was younger, I’ve always wanted to be a celebrity makeup and hair stylist.” I began as I tilted my head back and leaned it against the wall. “There was something about the act of transforming yourself with different looks and styles that really amazed me.” A small grin formed my lips once I remembered the night Arthur and I first met. “Like Cinderella - she transformed for just a moment to escape reality and to dance with the prince.”

“Was I your prince?” He asked curiously as he followed my gaze and looked up as well.

I let out a soft chuckle. “Yes and no.” I retorted as I glanced at him.

He turned to look at me and our eyes met, there was a glint in his eyes that I couldn’t decipher as he tilted his head to the side in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“As this is not some fairytale book, I’ve eventually come to realize that there are good and bad princes…” I trailed off as a wave of painful memories washed over me. I inhaled sharply as I ran a shaky hand through my hair. “Before I met you, a good prince, I had to meet a bad prince too.”
He moved his body towards my direction and leaned in anticipation. I looked away, afraid that he might see me tear up. “When I worked at KB Studios as a makeup and hair stylist, I was very happy and excited to go to work because I really loved my job.” I beamed as I recalled all the makeup looks I’ve done for the models and actresses. “My dreams came true, and at the time, this guy was flirting with me as well.”

I felt Arthur’s body tense beside me as he started to look deep in thought. “Wait…” He trailed off, sounding confused. “This was the same story you told me that night, right?”

I nodded sadly. “I couldn’t believe that this was happening to me at first. I felt flattered that a guy like him, a prominent name in the entertainment industry, is interested in someone like me.” I said wistfully as I shook my head, disappointed at my stupidity. I was truly naive before. “I saw him as my prince back then until--” I cut myself short as I bit my lower lip, trying to stop the tears that were welling up in my eyes from spilling.

“He took advantage of me.” My voice cracked at the last few words as I felt a tear roll down my cheek. I quickly wiped it with the back of my hand as I looked away. I desperately wanted to be strong, even if it’s just in front of Arthur. I’ve got to tell him the truth.

“Sandra, if you’re not comfortable, it’s o--” I cut him short.

“It’s okay.” I uttered softly. I can feel his intense gaze at me while I just stared in front remembering the memories that happened. “Back then, he treated me well as if he really liked me. He usually sent my flowers while at work, he seemed sweet as he gave me compliments, and the thing that really made me believe his intentions were when he said that he couldn’t live without me. Being the naive girl I was back then made me fall for his acts.” I continued as if it only happened yesterday.

A wave of emotions rushed in me as I recall everything. I felt angry, frustrated, and sad. I clenched my fists to stop myself from crying. Arthur saw my tightly closed fists and put his hand over it as if to comfort me. I didn’t dare to look at him as I’m afraid that I would burst into tears. I cleared my throat to continue my story.

“Then one time, he asked me to sleep with him. I remember him coming from a party as he smelled like liquor when he went to my previous apartment. From there he barged his way in and asked me, in verbatim, to have sex with him. When I refused, he threw a fit and tried to trash my apartment.” I can feel my whole body shaking. Is it because of fear? Or it could be anger? Maybe I am just angry that I felt weak during that time, knowing that I should have fought back.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to continue.” Arthur pulled me in for a warm embrace. His hand moved in circles at my back as if to stop me from shaking. It worked as I relaxed to his touch. I breathed heavily to his chest, enjoying his body heat. I eventually pulled away to look at him

“No, I want to continue.” I said sternly, making his eyebrows furrow as he stared deeply into my eyes. He had this questioning look that asks if I’m sure that I still want to carry on. He sighed defeatedly as he already knew the answer.

“Okay, then what happened next?” He asked, urging me to resume the story.

“It was then that he revealed his intentions. He said that he only wanted to get close to me because I was an easy target and that I was just some ignorant girl that he can easily manipulate and dispose of after he’s finished with me.” I can feel Arthur’s rage beside me. I turned to him only to be met with his fuming expression. His face turned red with anger as he huffed loudly.

“That bastard.” I heard him mutter under his breath. It was now my turn to console him. I reached my hand to touch his face to calm him down. He closed his eyes and leaned on to my hand as he tried to steady his breathing.

“You okay?” I asked as I continued caressing his cheeks. He slowly opened his eyes to look at me. His eyes softened as he held my hand. He slightly turned to my hand as he placed a gentle kiss on my palm.

“I’m sorry, I really got carried away.” He mumbled faintly. “Go on.” He gestured to me to keep going.

“After throwing a couple of things in my apartment, I eventually kicked him out. But before he left he told me something I couldn’t forget. He said ‘You know, to make it big in this industry you have to listen and do as I say. If you can’t do that, might as well kiss your dreams goodbye.’ At that time, I didn’t even care, I just wanted him out. But I didn’t know that was the start of something bigger.” I felt my heart constrict as I remember what happened after.

“Why? what happened?” Arthur was visibly curious. His eyes widened as he waited for the continuation.

“I didn’t know that he spread fake rumors about me the following day. As I walked to work, my co-workers kept whispering behind my back. It was Ellie who told me all the circulating rumors about me.” I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I felt the hot, wet tears running down my face as I look back on those days. “You know, I heard very ridiculous stories about me at that time.” I tried to laugh to mask my crying but the sadness was overpowering that I just sobbed uncontrollably.

Arthur pulled me back to his chest and patted my back but that gesture made me weep even more. “There, there, it’s okay.” He mumbled into my head as he placed a light kiss on it while trying to console me. I cried for what felt like an hour until I felt that I had no more tears left to cry. I moved away from him and saw his shirt stained with tears. “You don’t have to continue anymore, that’s enough.” He said sternly as he tried to brush aside a hair on my face.

“Okay.” I croaked out, feeling tired. Arthur got up from his seat and I looked up to him. “Where are you going?” I asked, missing his warmth beside me.

“I’ll just get you some water and a tissue.” He replied as he walked away to fetch me water and tissue. As he returned, I gave him a grateful look as he handed over the things he brought. I finished the whole glass and wiped myself thoroughly.

“Thank you.” I gave him a faint smile as I tried to stand up from my seat. We both moved to the couch to be seated comfortably.

“Now that I heard everything, I wanna know who this bastard is.” His voice was laced with venom as he spoke.

I don’t think he’ll see it coming once I tell him.

I took a deep breath.

“It’s Kevin Butler.”