Chapter 42

(**Sebastion’s POV**)
*Two days after the location spell and Rayne's wedding. Those chapters can be found in book one Her Returned Mate chapters 60-62*

Sitting at my desk with my head in my hands, I listen as Irina lists off places in Vicktor’s office building to search. She has been on an emotional rollercoaster since we came back from Bodega Bay. Her mood on the car ride home was dark. I picked up on a sense of jealousy from her as we were leaving the wedding. When I asked her what was wrong, she gave me the silent treatment until we stopped for gas.

She explained that seeing me with Rayne, the small hug I gave her before I walked back to Irina, struck her as too intimate for her comfort. I felt perplexed as I meant nothing by the hug but goodbye. Irina told me she knew what I meant by the hug, but seeing it even though she likes Rayne, hurt her more than she cared for. It shocked me I had hurt her, and I was unaware of doing it.

It was her idea to stay for the wedding. Claiming that I would get the closure I needed to but that part of my life behind me. Rayne and I talked the night before the wedding and we got that closure. I should have just insisted on leaving in the morning. Now instead of talking to me about it further so that I can make it right, Irina has busied herself with concocting plans to get in to the three locations unseen.

She confirmed her apartment is under surveillance already when I wanted to go there in the past. A building like Treadstone Industries’s Headquarters will be under twenty-four-hour surveillance. I am positive that the building where his penthouse is in will be too, even if his floor isn’t. Getting in without alerting Vicktor will be impossible unless we have help.

We need someone who is unknown to Treadstone. Someone who looks like they belong in all three locations. Pavel wanted to help, but Irina told him no because Vicktor might recognize him from the attack five years ago. No one in her family or mine can be a part of this. I really don’t want to rely on outside help, but we don’t have any other choice.

“I am going to call Beckett like Rayne suggested. They can use the darkness to get in unseen.”

“Rayne said they would help, good.”

Standing up from my chair as I sense her sarcasm at the mention of Rayne. Walking to her, I stop her pacing with a firm grip on both her arms. I give her a hard shake then make her look at me. “I need this thing you are doing to stop. Staying was your idea. Closure, you said. It was just a hug to say thank you for her kind words. Did you hear what she said to me?”

“No, I tuned out to give you two privacy. Will you let go?” She squirms in my hold, but I refuse to release her until she listens.

“I told her I was proud of her and that I wanted to make something like she has. Something with you, even if in the end I have to let you go for you to be happy.”

Irina’s eyes widen as I tell her the last part. “Why would you feel that is something you may end up doing?”

“Just a gut feeling. Rayne told me I can’t live my life on what-ifs. That I needed to live every day with you and show you how I feel about you. That the Moon Goddess wouldn’t have given me a chance at redemption if she didn’t think I was worthy of it. So, I said thank you and gave her a quick hug before I came back to you.”

“Well, now I feel like a complete moron. I like her a lot and I let my wolf and her jealousy overtake me. Can you forgive my temporary insanity?”

“There isn’t anything to forgive. I understand why you feel the way you did, and I should be the one to apologize. We should have left that morning like I knew you truly wanted.”

Irina laughs, “I think that is my fault. I encouraged you to stay. You needed to say your goodbyes.”

“We spoke the night before. You had fallen asleep, and I went to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I saw Rayne out on the deck and went to talk to her. I tried to tell you about it the next morning but wedding fever took over the entire house.”

“What did you two talk about?”

Releasing her arms, I walk to sit on the couch, “We talked about the beach house and how she acquired it. Then I asked her if she ever thought of how things would have been if we both had made different choices the night we met.”

Irina frowns then lowers her eyes to the floor, avoiding eye contact with me, I can feel hurt coming from our bond. “Do you wish you would have chosen her over Gia that night?”

“I need you to listen to me carefully because I am only going to say this once. I made the choice I did back then, and I have lived with it since. No, I don’t wish I had chosen a different path. There was a brief point in time after I found out about Gia’s cheating that I wondered if things would have been different. There were a few questions of how my life would have been had I picked Rayne up off the ground and brought her home with me anyway.”

“Why do you think you didn’t do that?”

“I would have broken her more than she already was. Having her here with Gia, pregnant with my son, would have hurt her immensely. Rayne needed to be free to find her path in life. When I was given the choice to let her go or fight for her, I made the right choice. I was always meant to walk away. By leaving her in the dirt all those years ago, I gave her the boost that her anger needed to set her plans in motion.”

“So, you believe you did the right thing by setting her free?”

“By doing that, it gave me a chance to improve my life. Now I have you. You are my heart, Irina, what do I need to do to show you that?”

“I am the third woman in your life. Is there even room left in your heart for me?”

“Gia had my past for longer than I care to admit. Rayne never truly had a place in my heart. There was a bond between us, but it never blossomed. What she has with Parker is what I want to have with you. Only you, Irina. These feelings you are having right now about there not being room in my heart for you is exactly how I feel about Gustav. Is there room in your heart for me?”

Irina looks up at me with her eyes wide. “You feel that there is only room for him in my heart?”

“The same way you are feeling like there is no room for you in mine. Until two weeks ago, you were still mourning his death. You still are, but in a different way. You are mourning the life you thought the two of you shared.”

From the look she gives me, I know I am correct. She opens her mouth to speak, shakes her head in denial, then she closes her mouth.

“How about you go get some lunch with your sister while I make that call? If Beckett says he will help, I will have him meet us in Portland to talk further.”

“I want to be there when they do the searches.”

“That could be dangerous. Having you show up on cameras may alert Treadstone that we are looking.”

“Then figure something out because I want to be there to help find my daughter and I will do it whether you want me too or not. Zasha is my daughter, not yours! I will be there to free her.” Her voice rises as stands in the middle of my office pointing her finger at me. Her eyes wild and anger making her cheeks flush.

“I knew it would come down to that, eventually.”

“What?”

“Zasha isn’t my daughter, not my responsibility, and I shouldn’t stand in your way. Tell you what, after I set up this meeting with Beckett, you can deal with the vampires and find your daughter. I will just stay here to deal with my son, my pack, and my family. You deal with yours.”

“Sebastion, I didn’t....”

“No, you meant it that way. It is good to have it all out in the open. Now I know where we stand.” I stand up from the couch and walk back to my desk, pick up the phone, “Is there anything else you want to say or can I get this started?”

“We should talk about this more.”

“Now isn’t the time. You want to find Zasha, so I am going to make that happen for you. Is that alright with you?” I know my words hurt her, but right now I am too angry to care.

“No, it isn’t, Sebastion. We need to clear the air between us.”

“There will be time for that after you find your daughter. Now, if it is all the same to you, I would like to get this started. Keeping my promises is important to me.”

With a glare Irina crosses her arms over her chest, spins around, and stomps over to the couch. With an angry huff of her breath, she plops down, crosses her legs, and refuses to budge from the room. Fine, I will just make my phone call with her here. Beckett answered on the third ring.

“Ah, Drakos, I was wondering when I would get your call. Rayne emailed asking for us to assist you again. I told her I already offered our help to find your mate’s daughter. She mentioned you have leads.”

“Yes, we have three places to look.” I fill him in on what we figured out after the location spell.

“Well, we went to all three of those locations, but we didn’t go inside. We can go back tonight and snoop around.”

“The inside of her apartment has cameras so he can watch her comings and goings. We are sure the office building and the building where he lives are too.”

“Nic has ways around the cameras. She can create a shroud around us that makes it where we are invisible to others. People’s eyes just don’t look where we are when she has it up. We don’t show up in mirrors or on cameras either while it is up.”

“How many people can she shroud?”

“Six to ten, but if she needs to hide more than that, we will need to feed and be at full strength first. If you want to do it tonight, give us a few hours. What location do you want to check first?”

“I won’t be coming tonight, it will just be Irina. She wants to check the apartment first.”

“Then have her meet us outside the building in two hours.”

“Alright. Thank you for doing this for us, Beckett.”

“Anything to bring a child back to her mother.” He hung up the phone and left me staring blankly into space. I put the phone back in its cradle, then stand up from the desk.

I look at Irina to see that she is still glaring at me. “Beckett said to meet him outside your apartment in two hours.”

“I heard.”

“Well, then you should get going. You can take my car to Portland.”

“We need to talk, Sebastion.”

“No, we have said enough. Go find your daughter.”

“Goddamnit, Sebastion, I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I am sorry.”

“Here is the thing, Irina, you meant it or you wouldn’t have said it. You are not wrong though. Zasha isn’t my daughter, and nothing I can do will change that even if I wanted to. She is what binds you to Gustav. The same way Jace will always bind me to Gia. These things are only a drop in the bucket with all the other stuff that keeps us from moving forward as mates.”

It is the truth, and there is no denying it. The gulf between us is constantly shrinking, only to blow open wider as more issues come to light. It is an endless circle of hope and defeat. I feel defeated after the events of today. Making a life here with Irina is the only thing I want to happen. Yet there are Gustav, Gia, Rayne, and Vicktor Treadstone stand in our way. We also seem to stand in our own way. Well, I am going to get out of her way and let her find what makes her happy on her own.

“Will you please come with me tonight? I will feel safer with you there. Besides, you promised to be with me every step of the way until I found her. You keep your promises, right?”

Love it when my own words are thrown back at me. Fine, I will go with her and when we find Zasha, I will let her decide where she wants to go after that. “Fine, let’s go.”

Her eyes fall to the floor when that is all I say. I know I am being stubborn, but the dance we keep doing is getting old. I will do anything for her, but she has to show me it is what she wants. So far, she has pushed me away, pulled me close, only to push me away again. This time I am the one doing the pushing away. I know I should stop being this way, but for some reason I just can’t help it. The hurt her words caused will stick with me for a while.

“Sebastion, please stop being angry with me.”

“We are wasting time with this, Irina. We have a long drive ahead of us. Can we just deal with,” I motion back and forth between us, “Whatever this is, when we get back?”

“What do you mean whatever this is? We are mates. We have a bond.”

“Yet we are not fully mated, we share no marks, and the bond between us is still weak.”

“Because now isn’t the time to do all of that.”

“But we can fuck, we can fight, and we can get jealous of each other’s true mates. Do you even care about me at all or is my sister right? Are you using me for my connections, money and what I can do for you to help you free your daughter?”

Irina was up off the couch, across the room, and in my face so fast. Her hand whipped back and connected hard with my cheek. She tries to hit me again, but I stop her with my hand. She just stands in front of me breathing heavily, I step away from her and walk to the door. My cheek stings, but I know I deserved that slap. I will take it and deal with it later. Opening the door of my office, I motion for her to lead the way.

Straightening her back, she squares her shoulders, then walks silently out the door. The car ride to Portland is going to be a frigid experience. One we will both spend thinking about how we will move forward after tonight. If we do at all.