Chapter 51

(**Sebastion’s POV**)

This kiss, like all the one before it, quickly spins out of control. I turn us around, backing up until the backs of her knees hit my desk. Lifting her up to sit on the desk, I spread her knees apart and step into the space provided. Not breaking the kiss when Irina’s hands come up to fist in my hair as our tongues war with each other for dominance.

I bring my hands up to cup both her breast through the thin black t-shirt she is still wearing from last night. Her nipples instantly harden so I flick my thumbs over them causing her to moan. Hearing her moan makes me blink, break the kiss, and step back from her. Sex between us is mind-blowing, but it is not the way to solve our problems.

The surprised and hurt look she gives me when I put space between us, makes me look away from her. With her legs slightly parted, her lips swollen from my kisses, and her nipples still pebble hard, I know I could just take her right there on my desk.

**Then do it, you idiot,** Aries growls at me in sexual frustration.

“Why did you stop?”

Because I am an idiot.

“I’m not a toy for you to play with, Irina,” is what I say instead.

“Is that what you think I am doing?” Her voice shook with emotion as she lowers her legs to stand.

“Isn’t it? With one breath, you tell me you love another. With the next breath, you tell me you want me. All of me. Then without saying a word you decide it would be better if you left. Better for who? For this pack, for me? For my son? Who by the way, loves you so much that he slept all night outside your bedroom.”

Irina stares at me as I speak to her in an icy-calm voice. I can feel her emotions, so I close the link between us. Her very expressive eyes tell me everything, anyway. Hurt and guilt flash through her eyes, but I ignore them. I want to be with Irina in every way possible, but she has proven time and time again that she is not ready.

Despite her words from the night before, we rescued Zasha. The night we completed the mate bond. Speaking of Zasha.

“Where is your daughter?”

“Napping after a very entertaining breakfast adventure. My father is with her now. Why?”

“I am just surprised you are not at her side.”

“I planned on siting with her after we talked. However, I can tell our talk will take longer than what I had planned.”

“Did you come in here intending to tell me you will stay and then seduce me? You know, so I will be in a sexual haze when you say goodbye?”

“You started that kiss, not me. I was wanted to hug you, snuggle into your scent, then go back to Zasha.”

“True enough, I did that, but what you came here to do is still true.”

“Except it isn’t. I know you heard all of my thoughts last night on the way home. I still think it would be safer for everyone if I leave. Vicktor will come for Zasha.”

“That is where you are wrong.”

“How so?”

“He won’t be coming just for her. He will come for all of us. You being here will not change that. What he wants is Drakos Enterprises, my sister, me, and now Zasha. You are not the one responsible for putting us in danger.”

“Mostly, no, but now that I have his most prized possession he will come. Had I done what he wanted me to, none of this would happen like it is.”

“You would also still be his puppet and your daughter would still be kept from you.”

The anger that flares in her eyes lets me know that my point is true. What is it called in the human world when a person is so traumatized by their experiences that they can no longer function or think normally? Post Traumatic Stress? Is this what she is dealing with now that she has Zasha back? Now that her family is coming back together?

I can feel my anger at her wanting to leave me soften when I think about it. My anger is not helping her stress level, but I can’t help the pain I feel when I think about her leaving me. Squaring my shoulders, I look at her. It is time to make my stand. Time to do what is needed for her to heal, whether she likes it or not.

“You hurt me beyond belief when you thought leaving would be better for all of us. I didn’t think it would hurt this much, but it does. You committed yourself to me when we completed the mate bond, yet the very next night, you decide to run. How can I trust you to stay? I understand that you have a lot to process now that your daughter is safe in your arms. I will give you that time without me to pressure you.”

“I told you I am not leaving anymore.”

“It is too late, Irina, the damage is done. I am done putting myself out there only to have you knock my hand away. I love you and that fact will not change. However, you need time and space to deal with the trauma you have survived. Spend time with your family and heal.”

“You are my family, Sebastion.”

“It doesn’t feel like it. So, to save us both some pain, I think you should go.” At the shocked expression she gives me, I hold my hand up for her to let me finish. “I am not asking you to leave Redwood, because that would be like slitting my wrist. I think it would be a good idea if you were to go live in with your father, sister, and brother.”

“I.. belong here with.. you.” Irina’s eyes fill with tears.

All my instincts are screaming at me to go wipe her tears, gather her in my arms, and tell her to stay. Instead I tell her, “Yes, you belong with me. When you have worked through your past trauma, come back to me. Until then, I will be right here if you need me for anything.”

“Are you kicking me out of here to punish me for how I reacted last night?”

“No, but that has some merit. I get where you mind was, Irina, I really do. However, what I am doing is more for your sake than mine. Do you really think I want to be separated from my mate?”

“Not at all and I don’t want to be away from you either.”

“Did you think about that when you planned on leaving me?”

“No, Sebastion, but it wasn’t about you. It isn’t always about you!” She screams at me.

“I know that well. That is why I am putting your health, both mental and physical, ahead of my needs. I would have you glued to my side twenty-four hours a day if it was up to me. There is a bigger issue that needs addressed first.”

“Healing past the trauma that Treadstone is responsible for.”

“Yes, and you need your family to do it.”

Seeing that we can keep going round and round on this, I walk to the door to my office. Aries is growling and howling in my head for me to stop what I am doing. Ignoring him, I open the door, then turn to look it my now angry mate. Her anger is understandable, but I will not back down from what needs to be done.

“We are not over by a long shot, Irina, so please don’t think I am putting this distance between us to punish you. You should take this time and spend it with your daughter. Make up for lost time. Heal both of your wounded hearts. Take some time to connect more with your family too. Talk things through with your brother. There is so much that you should work through, and none of it involves me. I will be here if you need advice or help with anything.”

“I think it would go faster if I were here with you while I do all of that.”

“Fast is not what you need. Take the time, Irina, I am not going anywhere.” I pull her into a hug when she walks to me. Her body is trembling as she cries in my arms.

It feels wrong to push her like this, but her needs are what is making me do this. I want my mate to be healthy if we are to have a future together. That starts with her mind and heart right now. The rest will fall into place as she heals. I hope.

(**Irina’s POV**)

After leaving Sebastion’s office, my mind is in a mess of confusion. I understand what he is trying to do. Part of my mind appreciates the effort he is going through to help me get past what I have been through. My heart hurt because I feel like he is punishing me for the thoughts I had last night and my intentions to leave.

Even though I have decided to stay, the hurt I caused him will take longer to fix. Maybe he is right? There are issues I need to work through. I lost so much time with my daughter and my family because of Treadstone. There are also all the things he made me do in the past. Many of those that Sebastion and his allies will rescue tonight are there because of me.

I tracked them for Vicktor. Knowing that Sebastion is helping to free them helps ease my mind. Yet the fact remains that I am partially responsible for putting them in the cages they live in now. Does that make me a monster like Vicktor is or am I something worse?

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I walk to my room to check on Zasha. My father is sitting in a chair facing the bed when I enter the room. How long has he been watching her sleep? He turns to look at me as I walk to the bed.

“Why are you crying? I thought your mate would be happy you have decided to stay and fight for what you want.”

“He asked me to move to your house with Zasha.”

“Why the hell did he ask you to do that?” His outraged voice rose as he stands from his chair.

I motion for him to join me in the hallway so we don’t wake Zasha. Once we are out there, I explain what was said between Sebastion and I in his office. My father goes from angry to nodding his head in agreement to what Sebastion is doing. I can tell that I have no other choice now. With my father agreeing with my mate, I will have little chance to argue with either of them.

I don’t want to leave my mate.

**But you were so willing to do just that mere hours ago. Now you want to stay? No wonder Sebastion is acting the way he is. I am surprised he doesn’t have neck damage from the whiplash you are giving him.** Anya growls at me angrily.

Great, even my wolf is on their side. Fanfuckingtastic.

“I will go make up the spare room for you two. You are going to want to sleep in the same room as Zasha, right?”

“Yes,” I heave a sigh of resignation as he turns and leaves me alone in the hallway.

Because there isn’t much to move from my room to my father’s house, packing went quick. A bag with what little clothes I have, all thanks to Sebastion’s mother, the items that Eric left in my kitchen cabinet, and Zasha’s doll, are all I have to take with me.

A trip to town will be needed. Zasha will need more clothes, shoes, and toys. I will want to buy some clothes that I can wear that are not office clothing. Speaking of office work, will I still be working as Sebastion’s assistant after the raid on Treadstone’s office tonight? Is there really a need to keep up that pretense?

Another thought occurs to me, and this one sends me back to seek my mate. I need a job that will actually pay money. Though I could ask Natalia if she needs help in her shop. With that idea now in my head, I stop in my tracks. That will solve a long-term problem, but not the short term. Zasha will need those things now rather than later. So, with that in mind, I keep walking to Sebastion’s office.

However, I stop at the top of the stairs that will take me to the second floor. Sebastion stops on his way up and looks at me with a blank expression on his face. Was he coming to talk to me? Beg me to stay? What he holds out to me lets me know he isn’t going to do that. In his hand is a black card, his credit card.

“I don’t want your money,” is all I say as he holds it out for me.

“There are plenty of clothes, shoes, and toys in the pack house storage room. I know you don’t want my money, but I figured you might want to go into town and buy some new things for both of you. Take your father with you.”

“I am going to talk to Nat about working for her in the boutique.”

“That is good, but you need stuff now, so please just take the damn card.” His voice is calm but his eyes are not.

I walk down the remaining stairs to grab the card out of his hand, but before I can step away from him, he pulls me flush against him. With his arms around me, I can feel his chest vibrate as he struggles for control over his emotions. The link between us is still closed, but I saw the war of emotions in his eyes when I reached for the card.

“I want you with me every day and every night, Irina. Please understand that I am doing what I think is best for you right now.”

The pain in his voice makes my heart ache. I hate that he is right about what I need. I hate what he is forcing me to face. Oh, but I love him, so I will do what he asks. The sooner I face my issues head on, the faster I can get back to being held right here in his arms. Right where I belong.