Chapter 44

(**Sebastion’s POV**)

Irina cried herself to sleep during the car ride back to Redwood. The car felt empty even though she was right next to me the entire time. When I drove through the gates, she was still asleep. Parking my car near the fountain, I look over at her. A frown mars her beautiful face, but she continues to sleep. After getting out of the car, I walk around to her door and open it as quietly as I can.

Bending inside to pick her up, I slip her arms around my neck, one of my arms around her back, and the other under her knees. Once I have her securely in my arms, I lift her out of the car and close the door gently with my foot. I can feel contentment coming from her as she snuggles into my hold. Looking down at her sleeping face, there is a small smile tugging at her lips. Her breathing remains deep and even letting me know she is stills sleeping.

I make my way slowly to the front door. Once inside, I head straight for the stairs but hesitate when I reach the third floor. What room to take her to, my room or hers? I want her in my bed every day, but I want that to be her choice. So instead of heading to my room, I walk to her door. I remove my hand from her back to open the door, then hold her firmly against me again.

As I am walking to the bed, Irina lets out a throaty moan that has me pausing in my tracks. Is she having a sex dream? What the hell? Sniffing the air, I can smell her arousal. Even in her sleep, she dreams of him.

**How do you know it isn’t us she is dreaming about? Stop thinking of her dead mate. He isn’t here, we are, so just get out of your own way, Sebastion.**

*Do you really think that after the events of tonight she is dreaming of me? She hurt me and I hurt her back. Why would she be dreaming about me?*

**Well, from what I have observed, you rocked her world in more ways than one. From her wolf to mine, I am going to let you in on a dirty secret. Gustav never fucked her like you did. Oh, the way she moans your name...**

*Ok, that is enough.* I cut the link between us and walked to the bed.

I lay Irina down gently, then slowly peel her clothes off. Finding a pair of silk pajamas in her dresser makes me want to just leave her naked. With a sigh, I dress her, then place her under the comforter. Brushing her hair out of my way, I study her face. Relaxed in sleep, her face looks much younger than she actually is. Her lips are slightly parted, making me imagine her doing naughty things with that mouth.

Bending down swiftly, I place a soft kiss on her forehead, then stand back up. I move to walk away from the bed, but her hand shoots out from under the comforter to grip mine. Looking down at her, I find her eyes open and on me.

“Stay with me,” Her voice, husky from sleep and her arousal, has my shaft hardening painfully.

“That isn’t a good idea. You need sleep, Irina.”

“I need you to hold me, Sebastion. Just lay here with me and hold me.” Her ice-blue eyes look straight into mine as she pleads with me.

Unable to resist her, I kick off my shoes, peel off my black t-shirt, and lift the comforter.

“The jeans too,” she demands of me.

“Sex isn’t a good idea, Irina. If I take my jeans off, I will want to fuck you.”

“Taking them off or leaving them on doesn’t change that. I can smell your arousal, Sebastion.”

“I am only going to hold you tonight,” but like she demanded, I strip down to my boxer-briefs before I climb in next to her.

With one of my arms under her, she rolls onto her side to lay her head on my chest. Right over my heart. Her head fits perfectly right under my chin. I bring my arm up her back to wrap around her waist, holding her tight against me. She places one hand on my stomach, tapping idle as we lay in silence. Bringing my free hand down, I stop her tapping by holding her hand in mine.

“About what I said before we left for Portland.” Her voice is quiet, but the firm note to it told me to just let her talk it out.

“You said a lot of things, we both did, which are you referring to?”

“The part about Zasha not being your daughter.”

“Well, she isn’t, that is the truth.”

“I was angry with you and I lashed out and I didn’t mean it like it sounded. There has been no one else to worry about her, fear for her, and dream of her freedom but me all these years. You do all of those even though you have never met her and she is the child of another man. Why?”

“Because she is your daughter. Just because she isn’t mine, doesn’t mean I don’t love her. Just because she isn’t mine doesn’t mean I won’t do everything in my power to protect her. Zasha is a part of you, so she is mine now.”

Her head pops up off my chest so she can look me in the eye. “Do you really mean that?”

“Yes,” I tell her without hesitating.

“Did you mean what you said to me in the parking lot when I almost fell?”

I frown down at her, not knowing what she is talking about. Then I realized I had said that out loud. I called her my love because that is what she is to me. My heart, my soul, my everything. “Yes, I meant it. Even when I am hurt by your words, or when I feel there is this vast gulf between us, you are still my love.”

“I think I am falling in love with you, Sebastion. It is hard for me to trust after everything that has happened to me. You crumble my walls with your simple actions. You believed me when I didn’t think you would. I was luck you were already aware of the dark forces out there hunting supernaturals. I don’t know what I would have done if you didn’t believe me the day we met.”

“Repeat that,” I ask with a shaky breath. I want to know that I heard her correctly.

“I am falling for you. Faster than I want to, but I am.” She sits up and stares down at me. Her eyes are clear and there is no lie in them.

This is what I have been wanting. This is what we have needed to say. Keeping our feelings bottled has done more harm than good. I didn’t want to tell her how I feel for fear that she would reject my feelings. She has told me she isn’t ready for that, but to give her time. Keeping the words in has been hard, but tonight I slipped and told her how I feel in an endearment.

“Do you feel the same way?” She asks me since I haven’t responded yet.

“I have for a while now, but I just didn’t want to spook you. You told me you needed time to adjust to having a new mate. That you needed to mourn his loss first, before there could be anything between us that way. So, I have bottled it all up.”

The lowering of her eyes lets me know she understands what I said. “I think we have been standing in our own way.”

Her words echo my thoughts from earlier tonight. “It seems like we are. What are we going to do about it?”

“So much is uncertain with the situation we are in, but I know one thing that isn’t.” She looks back up at me with those piercing blue eyes of hers.

“What is that?”

“We are both fools.”

That wasn’t what I was expecting to hear at all. I sit up with my back against the headboard. My eyes on hers as I ask, “What do you mean?”

Sitting up fully, she crosses her legs under her body. “Well, both of us have been holding back out of fear.”

“Fear? How so?”

“Your fear that I will reject your love because I am said I wasn’t ready yet. My fear of not being good enough because of what he made me do. I am ready to let you in, Sebastion. All the way in. Are you ready for that?”

**Fuck, yeah, you better be.**

This is what I have been wanting, but why do I feel like the timing is off? “Why now?”

“It started before we left for California. The offer you made my family. How much you are willing to do to make them happy. How much you have already done to help find not just Zasha, but Oleg and Kat too. You have proven with your actions and your words that my heart is safe with you.”

“Even after the jealousy over the hug I gave Rayne?”

“Look, you are my mate, seeing your arms around another woman just pissed me off. All I wanted to do was rip her arms off. Rayne being your first mate made that feeling even worse. The only thing that stopped me was Parker.”

“Parker? How the hell did he stop you?”

“It was the look on his face as he watched you two from further up the beach. He was not angry or jealous. He was at peace, happy even. If he could understand that there is nothing between you and Rayne any longer, then so could I. Logically I knew that before we ever went to Bodega Bay, but meeting her and seeing how beautiful she is...”

I didn’t let her finish that sentence. Leaning forward, I bring both my hands up to cup her cheeks then bring my mouth down on hers. Slipping my tongue in between her lips when she gasps in surprise, I devour her mouth with my kisses. Only breaking contact when we are both in need of air. Her eyes are wide on mine as I lean my forehead to hers.

“You are perfect, Irina, never compare yourself to anyone else. It isn’t your beauty on the outside that makes me love you, though trust me you are gorgeous there too. It is the heart under all of that. You soothed my child when he was upset, you calm my wolf, and you turned down anything and everything to do with my money and being my Luna.”

“Trust me, the money is nice, but that isn’t what I want from you.”

“What do you want from me?”

She moves her head away so that I am forced to look into her eyes. She mirrors what I am doing and places both hands on my cheeks. “I want everything from you. Your heart, mind, soul, and that amazing body you use so well. Your title and money don’t rank anywhere on that list and they never will.”

With that action, those words, and the pure honesty shining in her eyes, I coming undone. For the first time in my life, someone wants me just for me. Not my Alpha title, not my position at Drakos Enterprises, and not my money. Just me. I have absolutely no idea what to do with that. I can feel tears slip down my cheeks and I am not upset that she has me in this state.

“What do I in exchange?”

“All of me. Heart, mind, body, and soul. In addition, you get a daughter, a father-in-law, my sister, and Pavel, who will come around one day.”

With quick movements, I have her flat on her back in the middle of the bed. I move down her body until I am over her chest, then I lay my head over her heart like she was over mine earlier. The steady thumping of her heart soothed me instantly. Her arms came around me and squeeze tight.

**Mark her now, make her ours fully.**

*Now isn’t the time. I want to make sure she is one hundred percent on the same page as I am before I mark her fully. That may be now or it may be better to wait until after we find Zasha.*

**Ugh, hurry. I want to mark Anya too. I can’t do that until after you mark Irina.**

I close the link and shut Aries out so I can focus on this moment with my mate. Her eyes have darkened and I am sure she is having a similar conversation with her wolf. To bring her back to right here and now, I slip my hand up inside her silk pajama top to stroke the soft skin on her side. Then I move up further to cup one of her breasts.

She shudders as the sparks from my touch cause her pleasure. Her hands come up to fist in my hair. “Sebastion, what are you doing?”

I was only planning on giving her a few strokes of my hand, but her reaction to my touch makes my body come to life. The way she moans my name has my briefs straining to contain my erection. Sex between us has always been easy. Maybe it is time to restrain myself and work on the emotional connection between us instead.

Groaning loudly in frustration, I pull myself up and away from her, moving back so that I am against the headboard again. “Were you having a debate with your wolf?”

“Yes, she wants me to mark you.”

“Aries wants the same so he can mark Anya too.”

“Why did you stop just now?”

“Because sex is easy with us, I think it is time to concentrate on the emotional part of all this.”

“Sex between us isn’t always about the carnal pleasure, Sebastion, it is a physical connection that we can share our emotions through.” Irina moves up the bed and straddles my lap.

“Our wolves are keen to have us mark each other, complete the mate bond, so they can do the same. I want to so badly, but I want to wait until you are ready.”

What she does next takes my breath away. Moving her long blonde hair off her neck, she tilts her head to the side to give me full access to the spot where my mark will go. She looks me straight in the eyes and says, “Then do it now. Make me yours, Sebastion.”