Chapter 78

(**Sebastion**)

After Irina told me what she suspects about Zasha, I can’t stop the fear that rushes through me. Like my mate, I will stop at nothing to keep our daughter safe. My thoughts race throughout the night, causing me a very restless night of sleep. Waking every few hours with Irina was the only bright spot in the night.

I love watching her with our babies. The way she croons to them as she feeds them, the way she softly strokes their hair, all of it shows how natural motherhood is to her. My selfishness caused me to miss out on this part with Jace. That thought makes me frown.

Now that I think about it, Gia didn’t do any of this with Jace either. Our nanny, Heather, did. The day after he was born, Gia hired Heather to be Jace’s wet-nurse and full-time nanny. As I think back, so much now strikes me as horrible. The only time his mother showed any interest or affection to him was when she used him to get mine.

I wasn’t any better than she was. Gia was all I could think of. I let the child we created slip from my mind more often than I thought of him. Pain grips my heart as I remember how badly I treated my child. When I thought he wasn’t my son, I was ready to cast him and his mother out of my pack.

An innocent child.

As quietly as I can, I slip from the bed, then walk to the bassinet. Theo and Oksanna are sleeping again. Both are curled slightly towards the other. I could watch them sleep for hours. However, right now, I must see their older brother right now.

I have done him a terrible injustice. Because it was only after I saw his birthmark, I knew without a doubt that he was my son. That was when I finally there for him. I feel like I have come a long way since that day, but tonight I feel the weight of my actions is crushing me.

After making sure the twins are both covered up, I slip from the room. When I get to Jace’s room, my mother is leaving. She greets me with a smile, then frowns at whatever it is she sees on my face.

“What is wrong Sebastion? Is there something wrong with Irina or the twins?”

With a heavy sigh, I bow my head. I feel shame creeping up my neck as I look at the ground. Since Jace is sleeping, now is a good time to talk to my mother. She will know the things I need to know about all the things I missed in Jace’s life. Literally everything since the day that he was born.

I am a garbage parent. However, self-loathing will not fix my mistakes. I can only do that by showing my son, no, all my children that I love then unconditionally. But how do I go about making up for lost time with my son?

“Let’s go talk in talk in the kitchen. I will make you something to eat and something to take back up to Irina.”

“Oh, but I don’t want to leave her for long.”

“Bastion, she knows what she is doing, plus you know if she needs you, she will call for you. Come and tell me what is on your mind. You look like the weight of the world is on your shoulders.”

Reluctantly, I let her take my hand so she can lead me downstairs. I keep quiet as we walk through the halls, down the stairs, then to the kitchen. My heart is heavy, and my mind is swirling with all that my pack and family are up against.

When we reach the kitchen, I take a seat at the counter as my mother goes to the refrigerator to grab something to cook. I smile when she pulls out ingredients to make French toast. It has always been my go-to comfort food, and she knows it.

“What made you leave your mate and newborns to seek your firstborn?”

I explain to her the revelation that I had while I watched Theo and Oksanna sleep. She let me speak everything on my mind, then waits for me to look up at her. There was a myriad of emotions in her eyes as I met her gaze. She shakes her head in disbelief and disappointment.

“There were many times since Jace was born that I tried to get you to be more involved in his life. Each time, it was ignored. I tried with Gia too. That was met with hostility. She told me to mind my business and let her raise her child her way. So, after that incident, I told myself that I wouldn’t get involved again.”

“I helped Heather as much as I could while I was here. Arianna was more of a mother to Jace than his own. In our own way, it took all of us to raise him. I failed my grandson, too. However, what you have done for him now, and what you choose to do for him in the future, is what counts.”

“What if I fail him again?”

“You won’t.”

“How do you know that?”

She slid a plate of French toast across the counter, turned to grab the syrup, then makes more for Irina. “When you finally pulled your head out of your ass, took a long look at yourself, and realized your faults, you became the man I raised you to be. Since then, you have done so much good on your path to redemption.”

I just don’t want to fail any of them. Now that I am no longer responsible for just the pack, my son, and our family business, I feel the pressure even more. There is no doubt in my mind that I am up for the challenge as long as I have Irina by my side.

She makes me so scared, yet so fearless at the same time. I am so in love with her. With the life we are building together.

“Do you have any pictures of Jace as a baby?”

“You better believe it. My first grandson? I took so many pictures when I had the chance. Heather was an amazing nanny.”

Thinking of Heather makes me frown. I remember the day that Gia came into my office screaming at me. She claimed Heather was after me and that I liked it. A few days later, she fired her on the spot after walking in on Heather talking to her sister on the phone. All the woman said was how nice I was and how much she liked her job. I was in the hallway and overheard her.

One more thing I should have stopped but didn’t.

“Where is she now? I know she left the pack after Gia fired her.”

“She lives in town with her daughter. Her mate is one of your scouts. He lives here in the pack but spends time with her when he isn’t on duty.”

One more thing I need to make right.

“Will she come back if I ask her to?”

Mom nods her head, then slides Irina’s food over to me in a plastic container. “Call her in a few days. For now, go feed your mate. Take care of the three of them. In the morning, our family will gather to welcome the newest members of the Drakos family.”

“Let me help you clean up.”

She makes a shooing motion and gives me an angry look for even asking. I laugh then do as she says. As I am walking up to the guest room, Irina mind-links me, asking me to bring her something to eat. I don’t reply because I already have food in my hand.

Her eyes go round in surprise as I enter the room. To make it easier for her, I open the container as I walk to the bed. Her nostrils flare as she sniffs the air. I laugh as she reaches up with greedy hands to take the container of French Toast and the fork from me.

Her moan of pleasure when she puts the first bite in her mouth makes me smother another laugh. As she eats, I lay down across the end of the bed, then prop myself up on my elbows. I have an amazing view of our babies from here.

They are both asleep and look so peaceful. Theo’s dark hair contrasting perfectly with Oksanna’s light blonde hair. They are like Yin and Yang, a perfect balance between dark and light. With all that I now know about the supernatural world, they will need each other and that balance.

The darkness that is coming for them and all of us is relentless, and far more depraved than I thought. I fear for their futures because I know that even if we stop Treadstone, there are others like him hiding in plain sight. At least now, as our awareness grows, we can fight back.

Tip the balance on the scales.

*The next morning*

While Irina slept, I moved the bassinet from the guest room to our bedroom. Theo and Oksanna slept calmly in the nest of pillows I made for them on our bed. Once I had the bassinet moved, I gently transferred them to it. Theo didn’t like the move, but after a few minutes of fussing, he calmed down.

Now I am quietly walking back to the guest room to wake my beautiful mate. We have another thirty minutes before our two older children wake up for the day. I would like to give Irina some alone time to take a shower and get dressed. I brought her clean clothes with me so she can shower in the bathroom attached to the guest room.

I lay her clothes across the end of the bed, then kneel on the ground on the side of the bed. Her blonde hair has fallen over her eyes, blocking the view I will have of her ice-blue eyes when she wakes up. Gently, I move her hair away, then stroke her cheek.

“Wake up, my love. It is seven in the morning and Jace and Zasha will be eager to meet their siblings when they wake up.”

“Mm, I want to shower first. I stink.”

“I brought you some clothes. Theo and Oksanna are in our room sleeping.”

Her head jerks up as she opens her eyes to look for the twins. “You moved them on your own?”

I laugh at the surprise in her voice. “My mother walked me through how to make a pillow wall around them. I put them in the center of bed, then when I was sure they wouldn’t fall off, I came to get the bassinet.”

The smile she gives me lets me know I did a decent job. After giving her a light kiss, I leave her so she can shower. My father is in the doorway of my bedroom when I close the door behind me. I walk up behind him and softly put my hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to hold him?”

My father turns to me with tears in his eyes. He nods his head. I pray that the tears in his eyes are tears of joy. However, I know they are probably a combination of joy and sadness. As a father, I now understand that pain he lived through when my brother died. It will kill a part of my heart if anything ever happens to my four children.

I walk with my father into the room. We stop at the bassinet, and I look at him as he stares down at the twins. His eyes go to Oksanna's first. A smile tugs at his lips as she studies him in return.

“She is breath-taking.”

“They both seem to be the perfect combination of their parents. It is amazing how that worked out.”

He nods his head, then his gaze moves to Theo. His breath hitches as my son opens his eyes to look at him. His hands tremble as he reaches out to pick Theo up. To prevent Oksanna from crying at the loss of her brother beside her, I pick her up and snuggle her to my chest. She quiets as I soothingly rub her back.

“When Jace was born, I thought it would be the wake-up call you needed. Almost losing him did that. I hate how it happened, but you became the father he needed that day. Now look at you. Here you are, the father of four. You look like a natural with her in your arms.”

“The love in my heart for the four of them has become bigger than I have words to express.”

“Welcome to fatherhood.”

We stand in silence for what felt like forever. It was a comfortable silence. A father and son bonding over children and grandchildren. This was something I messed up with Jace as well. I didn’t just hurt him in my absence from his earlier life. I hurt my parents and my sister too.

The past can’t be changed, but I can do better the future. I smile down at Oksanna as I feel myself take another step closer to being the man that I know I can be. Growing up is harder than I thought, but I am proud of the path I have taken along the way.

“It shocked me when your mother told me of your intentions with this one.” Julian says. He nods his head down at Theo. “I was hesitant at first to agree. The pain of the past has never been too far from my heart and mind. There hasn’t been a single day that has passed since he died that he hasn’t crossed my mind.”

There are no words to describe the pain in his voice.

“I am happy that you named your son after your brother. Theo would have loved that. You idolized him, but he felt the same way about you. He loved you so much. You and your sister meant the world to Theo, and he took his responsibility as an older brother seriously. When he died to save you two, it broke my heart.”

Hearing the pride in my father’s voice as he speaks about Theo, it lets me know I did the right thing. My brother’s memory will live on forever. He will spoken of again. No longer will he stay in the darkness we put him in as we all grieved.

Welcome home, big brother.

“Later today, I want the four of us to go somewhere. You, Jace, Theo and me. Just us boys.”

“I am sure that can be arranged, dad.”

“I love you, Sebastion. Never doubt that.”

Never. I will never doubt it again. His eyes show me what I sometimes doubt.

My father loves me and is proud of the man I am becoming.