#Chapter 17 I Will Repent For You

Olivia’s POV
Gabriel smiles before kissing my lips, the notion so tender, so gentle, that I almost want it to continue on, but it would be too artificial. I can’t love this Alpha; I shouldn’t have loved the last. I was given a second chance so I could live life for myself, not to give my all and then some more like the last matehood where I got hurt.
I got too hurt then to love again now.
“Let’s make love,” he says, pleading so desperately to be intimate with me.
I press my hands against his warm, bare chest. “No, Gabriel. I don’t want to do this.”
His mouth falls agape but he sits up eventually, pulling off of my body while trying not to look so disappointed. It doesn’t work, though. I can see it written all over his soothing, handsome face. His light eyes make me shudder, his lips rolling tentatively through his teeth while he can only imagine having my body right now.
“Just tell me why,” he pleads, his voice soft. “Please, my dear.”
“I can’t fall in love with you, Gabriel.”
“Why not? Do you love someone else?” His eyes grow wide in panic. “Is it the doctor? Or that Alpha Herold? I know you’ve been angry with him a lot lately; is that because you have feelings for him and not me?”
If only he knew the truth.
“No,” I reply. “I don’t love anyone, Gabriel. I don’t want to love anyone, either. I want to work and I want to build my charity and help other wolves. I don’t want to get hurt. I just don’t believe in love and marriage anymore. I want to do my business, enjoy my life, not wait for my husband to come home every night to our lackluster marriage.”
He sits recluse for a long moment, his mouth slightly agape and his eyes searching mine, as though he is staring at someone he cannot recognize right now.
“Is that truly how you feel?” he hums. “So alone and wounded?”
I only nod in response.
He hesitates for a long time, his wolf whining loud enough for me to hear. “Fine,” he breathes, his tone rather sharp for someone who’s heart I just stepped on. “I want, whatever you want. If that means giving you time and sharing your new interests, then so be it.”
I shudder with his words. Why won’t he just give up?
“I will put my energy into you, my time into you, and my money into your new business, if it means you will give me a second chance to show you love, my dear.”
I want to decline his offer but having the King Alpha’s help in this charity would make it soar. I do what is best for me; for the person I’ve decided to live for this time around. He waits patiently for a response and at last, I give it to him.
“It’s a deal.”
We sleep in separate rooms again tonight, just as I have every other birthday before.
I retreat back into my work the next day, visiting Reese as I normally do in the early mornings at the hospital. He is still asleep for now and thankfully this place is quiet enough for me to open my laptop in the offices downstairs, finding an empty room and claiming it as my own while I beg for this charity to finally make an impactful difference.
Gabriel comes by after a while and brings coffee for me, our conversation last night still weighing heavily on us both. We don’t talk about it thankfully, and Gabriel mentions checking on Reese, something I pray he doesn’t do just for my benefit.
I watch him walk away but hear steps ring out seconds later.
Herold Opal strolls into the doorway, his hands lazily stuffed into his pockets.
“Queen Luna,” he says, tipping his head in respect to my title.
I roll my eyes, glancing down at my laptop. “What do you want, Alpha Herold?”
“I came by to speak with you, Luna.”
“You have better options to make conversation, Alpha Herold. Where is your mistress these days? Alicia, that was her name, right? Why don’t you go entertain her, as you had throughout your marriage to my dear, dead friend and then maybe I can get some work done.”
“She is with Conan Lay. He’s a warrior in another pack. I sent her away from me and she ran straight to him, instead. I shouldn’t be surprised I—”
“This doesn’t concern me,” I bite, although moderately pleased by this news.
“You’re right, but it has given me time to mourn my late wife.”
He reaches into his pocket, coming back seconds later with a phone that I recognize as my own, from my past life. I ache when I see it, my stomach dropping suddenly when I try to wonder why he has brought this here for me to see.
“What is that, Alpha Herold?”
“It’s my wife’s phone,” he says, toying with it in his hands. He peers through me now, as though seeing me as Olivia, and not as the Queen Luna. “I went through it’s contents. Every text, every email… everything, Luna. I saw everything.”
“Okay, why did you bring it to my attention?”
“I never saw you and her exchange conversation once,” he breathes. “You and my wife had never spoken to one another.”
“That doesn’t prove anything,” I say, slightly panicked. “It just proves that maybe you never really knew your wife at all.”
He flinches slightly, his eyes wide and pained. “It proves I wasn’t a good husband, and that I let a lying cheat come between me and my mate. It proves that no matter what, I will spend the rest of my life repenting for what I did.”
I feel myself crying, weeping uncontrollably, at the thought that maybe he finally feels pain. Maybe he finally feels resentment and hurt and agony over his actions and part of me is hoping that it never stops cutting away at him.
“Please,” Herold hums, shaking all over while both of us are damp with tears. “I just need forgiveness. I will never stop repenting for my mistakes.”
He moves to wipe my tears, but in my anger I slap him clear across the face.
“Don’t ever touch me again. Never,” I gasp, breathlessly crying.
For once, Herold seems to understand what I want. I just hope he abides.