Chapter 22

I furrowed my brow. "So? You're talking in circles."

"Gosh, you're naive but impatient. So, the conclusion is that Mr. Gerry is actually..."

"In love with you."

Johan's last four words made my jaw drop. I couldn't say anything to express my thoughts and feelings. Everything that was said was like a dream mixed together.

Sweet dreams and nightmares.

It's not a bad thing to be loved by a handsome, wealthy mafioso. But for a unique person like me, it would be a nightmare.

Jinx.

Yeah, about that.

If we go back to talking about my jinx, then you will all understand what I mean by that nightmare when I talk about someone loving me.

"No...."

I think I said that unconsciously. It was an answer that you let out immediately when I heard Johan's explanation. My chest tightened and I felt really uncomfortable.

I immediately stood up and shopped and left the store. Without saying anything to Johan, not even to thank him.

"Mr. Zharies! What's wrong, Sir? Is something bothering you?"

He tried to chase me, but I quickened my pace until I was heading for my bedroom. I'm not in a good mood right now, everything is shaking me so much and I can't cope with my feelings that have changed so drastically.

Johan kept calling my name and apologizing. I thought that maybe he felt guilty and that he had hurt me with his words.

But that's not the issue here.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw Gerry sitting down and looking over the documents in his hands. I didn't have time to greet him and it wasn't appropriate in this situation.

My heart felt really uncomfortable when I heard Johan's answer just now, I was so worried about my jinx. I didn't want it to start and end like this.

"Mr. Zharies? Please give me a chance to talk to you. I want to apologize if anything I said was inappropriate. But please, let's clear this up first," Johan persuaded me.

Before he could say more, I went into my room and locked the door so he couldn't follow me in. I really wanted to be alone right now and calm down from my unstable feelings.

Johan knocked on my bedroom door but I pretended not to hear and tried not to respond.

I felt sorry for him who was getting the effect or impact of my feelings that I couldn't calm down. He also didn't understand what the point was here but also had to deal with my unstable emotions.

Should I tell him about this?

But that means I have to reveal my secret to someone else and it will likely cause the butterfly effect to appear in the future.

I felt all wrong, I wanted to open up to him but I also felt that it wasn't right even though I had no other choice if I couldn't bear this tightness alone.

I went straight to the bed and threw myself on it. I closed my eyes and covered my face with a pillow, there were many voices in my mind that were so noisy like in the middle of a crowd that I didn't even see anything there.

It was an exaggeration but my fear of my jinx came rushing back, everything was like a foamy blob of boiled water that overflowed and filled the pot that was being heated.

The image of when I lost my ex-lover came back to my mind. I even had to end my relationship with Samuel when we were clearly having a good relationship and it was all because of this damn jinx.

It's so unfair when I haven't even done anything and I don't want to have this relationship with Gerry and he suddenly falls in love with me.

I don't forbid someone to fall in love with me as long as I have the assurance that my jinx is not the cause of that love.

It's not about whether the love is pure or not, it's about the risks that come with that love.

It sounds selfish to forbid someone to express their feelings, but I would be even more selfish to leave them in danger while my jinx continues to eat away at the remaining time my loved one has to live.

"Master, please give me an explanation. At least I can correct my mistake," Johan said.

Johan knocked on my door again, he seemed to feel very guilty because he felt he had done something to hurt my feelings.

I could not bear him from here. But let alone answer him now, let alone stop myself from jumping from the 3rd floor of this house, which I was desperately trying to do.

"Sob sob, how can I stop this? I don't want Gerry to be a victim of this, it doesn't make sense that he suddenly loves me. It must have something to do with the jinx effect I have," I monologued.

While I was deep in thought, there was a knock at the door of my room. But I was still silent and listened to the knocking at my door. After a while it was no longer Johan's voice I heard, but Gerry's.

"Talk to me, whiny boy. What's wrong with you?"

I'd rather he called me names like that than be sweet and gentle. At least I could still try to convince myself that what Johan said was just nonsense.

Gerry's voice sounded soft and yet deep, that raspy voice really seduced everyone who heard it at that time. But I quickly dismissed my strange thoughts when I heard his voice.

From now on, I will try to eliminate all possible ways for me to like this guy. I will consider all his charms as ordinary things that should not be liked.

This is all so that I don't fall victim to my jinx. Because if I feel love for him and want to have him, then automatically the bad thing will activate and trigger him to have the same feelings for me and then I will meet the same path as my previous nightmare.

Should I leave Gerry now?

But we were still bound by an agreement and I couldn't bear to leave Gerry alone in the middle of his plan.

It could be that if I left him, it would only make his situation worse and destroy all the plans he had carefully laid out.

"Hey, come out and say something. You suddenly changed like this, what happened?" asked Gerry.

"Go away, I don't want to see your face right now," I yelled from the room. "I hate you."