18. Couple fight

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Here was the thing about grief. At first, you are in denial; sometimes knowingly but other times unknowingly. Nadia had been through hell and only during the last fifteen years had she felt like she got a reprieve of all the pain life had put her through. Life had slowly began feeling less painful to her because she had found the right people who gave her life a different meaning: Will, Trina and Sasha. Now she was back in the same place, the rising, choking sense of despair, crushing her soul in the worst ways. She felt-no, wanted to be detached from the world. Maybe then she wouldn’t have to feel what she was feeling now. It had been a little over a month since Trina was buried and she still couldn’t accept that she was gone for good. Maybe it was the guilt that haunted her or perhaps the idea of someone she has been with for the past fifteen years of her life been gone forever, was too terrifying.

Yet today for the first time, she found herself stepping off the bed and walking towards the windows. Her legs hurt, her entire body feeling like it would give way. Her sunken cheekbones were enough to highlight how she’d lost quite a lot of weight due to the grief. She pulled the drapes, the light streaming in suddenly, almost knocked her off her knees. With her eyes shut, she let the warmth of the rising sun hit her on the face, a feeling she’d actually missed. When she woke up today morning, she’d told herself that it was time. No, not to get over her pain but to start working through it. She had shut out Collins and Sasha and anyone else who tried getting close, constantly spending her days and nights locked up in Collins’ room. For a few minutes, she let herself enjoy the feel of the sun on her face before she slowly made her way out of the room. Given that it was only six in the morning, the house was quiet and lying on the couch was Collins, a big, unkempt stubble on his chin.

She stopped for a moment to look at him, drinking in his tired features and it seemed like he had stopped caring for himself. A bit of guilt wrecked her soul and silently, she headed to the kitchen, opening the fridge to see if she could find something so that she could whip up a good breakfast. Afterall, it was the least she could after six weeks of shutting everyone out. After forcing herself to drink some orange juice, she set down to cooking and she had just completed plating all the pancakes and berries with a dash of maple syrup on top when Collins stumbled into the kitchen, completely panicked with a baseball bat in hand. When he noticed it was just Nadia, at first he relaxed visibly but then the shock wore in.

“A baseball bat, really? You are a freaking Alpha,” She attempted to tease him as she untied the apron, placing it back on its hook.

“Nadia,” he whispered. He should be happy and relieved that she was here now and a big part of him was but there was also a part of him that was mad at her. She had abandoned him when he needed her the most.

Quietly she laid the table and midway through breakfast, unable to take it anymore, Collins burst the silence.

“What is this?” he shrugged while pointing, “The breakfast, the teasing,”

“What do you mean?” she questioned, thrusting a big chunk of the rather delicious pancake into her lips.

“Six weeks, Nadia,” he began, “Six weeks you shut me and everybody else out. At first, I wanted to understand that you were grieving but I was grieving too and so was Sasha! We both needed you and you shut us out like we never muttered,” he took a deep breath before exhaling, “I wanted the woman I love to grieve with me. I wanted us to be there for each other because then the pain would have been bearable enough,”

“What? You have a problem with how I handle my grief? Well, lets try this. How about you lose your family because they were trying to protect you then fifteen years later you drag your best friend into this sick little and for the second time, you lose someone that has been family to you but this time for good? She died twice and this time she isn’t coming back. What about Mrs. Heathers? Her granddaughter? How about Harry? How about all those people’s deaths on your conscious?” She was trying not to go back to the same hell hole of pain and grief she had been locked in for the past few weeks.

“I’m not saying you weren’t allowed to grieve. You were supposed to do it with me because I lost people that night too. More than half my pack members are dead and they were more family to me to me than my own blood family ever has been. My mother and sister weren’t there and my dad is awaiting trial,” he breathed out, “You were the only thing supposed to help me remain sane but you shut me out completely. I was very close to losing my sanity and the one person I thought I could count on, left me alone,”

She suddenly stopped, slightly banging her fork to her plate, “At least you have a mummy and sister somewhere because I don’t. My brother is dead to me because I picked your side. So you want to cry about how your family isn’t here for you? Go suck mummy’s titties for all I care!” she paused, shaking her head, “I was barely keeping my own sanity and you are expecting me to help you keep yours?”

“This is exactly what I was talking about! You and I were both grieving, holding on to whatever mentally stable parts of ourselves we could and we were supposed to be there for each other, not away! This is not how you-“

“So I brought you the toast like you asked. Its kind of-oh, hey Nadia. Finally crawled out of bed?” Laila’s voice had both of them look up. Then her eyes fell on the breakfast table as she sighed in open frustration, “I told you not to exert yourself, Collins. We wouldn’t want you fainting again, now would we?”

“What is bitch doing here? And are those your house keys?” Nadia questioned, eying the pair of keys dangling from Laila’s hands.

“Don’t call her that,” Collins countered.

“Yeah, don’t call me that. He maybe my ex-husband but I’m human and you are not. He was dying here because you weren’t there and guess who was? Me. So better slow down with the insults,” Laila took the chance to take a swing at Nadia.

“You know what? I can’t deal with either of you right now,” she said, already heading back to the room, this time to find wherever the hell her phone had disappeared to for the past few weeks. She needed to see Sasha.