Working Through Feelings
POV: Lucien
I was having a conversation with Alexandra about the lack of towels in her room. I don’t know why but the lanterns illuminated her hair in such a way that gave her a bit of a halo, she looked like a figure from the Heavens. This effect, along with the lull in the conversation we were just having, caused me to have the desire to stare into her eyes and take in the sight of the delicate violet hue that was so unique to her. She unflinchingly stared back into my eyes and it was as if we were both in a silent competition to stare into each other’s souls. Like we both wanted to know what the other was thinking desperately. I knew that her curse wouldn’t let her feel the way others, and possibly even myself, had felt for her. Still, I found myself wondering if this curse hadn’t been placed upon her, would she even fall for someone like me. Someone who was so unsure of what love felt like that I didn’t know if I was even in it. The thought then came to mind that I could test my feelings right here, right now. I started to get closer to her as she continued to stare back at me. I slowly placed my hands on the side of her arms and began to lean forward to kiss her. I found myself hoping that she wouldn’t draw away so that I could find out for myself what it was I felt for her. Finally, our lips were touching and she didn’t really draw away from me. It was then that I felt a warmth through my body that I hadn’t felt before.
Just then there was loud crash and I pulled away to see Meldon Maigny face planted on the deck. He must’ve tripped over the threshold and I told myself that I needed to get a craftsman up here to work on the doors. This wasn’t a first for us, I tripped on them when I was younger and I had the scar on my arm from when I caught a loose nail in the deck. Alexandra had moved away from me at that point and ran over to Meldon to check on him, “Oh my goodness! Meldon are you okay?” He was still face down as she approached, “I’m okay, my pride is more hurt from having an audience for this moment.” She helped him up and he smiled down at her, “Thank you, Lex. He was very right about you, you know?” She gave him a quizzical look, “Derek says you’re the second nicest person he knows.” I looked over at him, “Who is the first then?” Meldon laughed, “That would be Jess. He doesn’t let on but he thinks very highly of her.” Alexandra gasped, “I think you and I need to have a private conversation about our best friends later.” He smiled at her, “Sure, I think we can both gain a few things from that convo.” She laughed, “I have notes believe me.”
Just as the two were laughing together about their respective best friends, the subjects of the conversation emerged from their rooms. Derek tripped over the threshold just as Meldon had earlier, the only difference between the two is that Derek caught himself on a beam. Jess was able to gracefully step over her doorway and practically floated out to where Alexandra was standing. She was always one to be very aware of her own environment with that and her quiet observation, I had always thought that was how she knew everything about everyone. Little did I know that she had a bit of psyche blood in her but she had made it known to me when we had that conversation. She was the one to make me aware that I may have some romantic feelings for Alexandra. Before I thought my love for her was one a friend had for another. Litha and Alesha had emerged from their rooms just after Derek and Jess emerged from theirs. Alexandra and Jess were laughing about something that I didn’t quite catch the reason for. I had been too deep in my thoughts and I didn’t even have a chance to process how I was feeling at the moment Alexandra and I were kissing. Jess looked around at all the people who had assembled then looked at me, “Where is Blake?”
Blake came out of his room rather sluggishly and he was clutching his side, “Brother, I think I will need help getting into the water. I pulled at the stitches when I was getting undressed earlier. It is excruciating to move around right now but I couldn’t miss coming out here to soak in the healing waters and being around all of our friends.” Meldon walked over to Blake and placed his arm around him and they walked towards the water. He eased him into the water and Blake sighed as he sat in the hot water. The rest of us got into the water and I heard Alexandra let a small hum as she sunk into the water. She closed her eyes and then smiled then sat there in silence. Jess sighed, “I don’t think I’ve ever been more relaxed in my life.” Alexandra opened her eyes slightly, “Amen to that sister.” I nodded, “Good, that means the reason for coming out here is working.” Blake grunted, “I think you just revealed something you weren’t supposed to.” My eyes widened as I realized that I had said my inner thoughts out loud. Alesha, Litha and Meldon had not known the real reason we came out to the retreat. We had brought the rest out on the premise that we were celebrating Jess’ birthday as a favor to my brother. House Delnaro had thought that Blake had given up on having Alexandra as his wife and had moved on to Jess. Jess, of course, was told of this plan ahead of time and she was okay with being the “object” of Blake’s “affection.” This meant that her best friend was one step closer to being safe.
The three looked at me as if I had just dropped a huge bomb on them. I sighed, “Okay so we’re technically not here to celebrate Jess’ birthday. We will celebrate don’t get me wrong but I was ordered by the Queen Mother to bring both my brother and Alexandra out here for the healing waters.” Litha looked over at Alexandra, “What’s wrong with Xan?” Jess spoke, “She’s been dealing with so much stress lately that we were warned that she could go mad if she didn’t have rest and relaxation. The Queen Mother had hoped that the waters would help her out. I think had this happened to any one of us ladies in the Queen competition, she would likely feel the same.” Alesha shook in her head, “I don’t think so and that’s okay. If I’m honest, I’m really not interested in becoming Queen.” Litha nodded, “Me too. I have someone I like and I think I would hate to lose out on a fantastic relationship if I was caught up in a loveless marriage. No offense, Lucien.” Meldon spoke, “How about you Xan? How do you feel?” She looked down and sighed, “I don’t have an opinion. I think I should but I am prevented to know how to feel.” Meldon looked at her quizzically, “What do you mean?” We all looked at her anticipating what she would say, her not knowing that Jess and I had already heard the reason why. I had wondered if she would reveal this in front of all of us at this time. She looked at all of the men in attendance before she sighed and closed her eyes, “I can’t fall in love. I was cursed by a God to fall in love with him when I met him which prevents me from feeling anything for anyone but me.”
Blake sat up and looked at her, “Who did it?” She shrugged, “That’s the thing. No one else could tell me who it was that did this to me. Mordred is out there working on a way to find out.” He looked at her in the eye, “I wish I had known, I could have given any assistance he needed. You know how resourceful I am.” She shrugged, “I didn’t even think to tell him to get in contact with you about it. Knowing him, he already knows this about you and opted not to get you involved.” Blake grunted, “I don’t see why he wouldn’t need me.” Blake was sulking while Alexandra looked at me and whispered, “I’m sorry I couldn’t feel anything about what happened earlier. I wish I could tell you one way or another.” I smiled down at her, “Don’t stress about it. I understand.” I placed a hand on her shoulder and felt a jump in my heart. I kept a steely face on the outside but on the inside my mind went into overdrive. I had questioned myself what that feeling meant. Was it my heart breaking for her that she couldn’t feel anything for anyone in that way? Was it my heart breaking because she couldn’t feel that way for my brother? Or was it breaking that she could never feel that way for me as long as this curse remained on her? Yes, it must be heart break for her in any sense. No, that wasn’t it. It was then that it dawned on me that perhaps I really did love her. My eyes widened and I looked over at Jess who was staring at me up until my eyes met hers. She simply smiled and nodded.
