The Confession
POV: Alexandra
Cal looked at me like he was confused himself when I glanced over at him, “What do you mean by you are confused?” I looked back out to Blackwood, “All my life, I had this idea in my head that there was always one person for everyone that they were just meant to be with. Humans call them soul mates. Lycans call it mates. Pyrios don’t have a term for it because they just don’t have those beliefs.” He smiled at me, “We call it Anam Cara.” I smiled back, “That sounds beautiful. Pyrios not believing in that type of stuff just never sat well with me. The exceptions were always my parents. My father once told me that he was in love with Vanessa, at one point in his life. They grew up together and knew each other well. She was by all purposes his childhood sweetheart. Do you know what that is like?” Cal nodded, “We went to Terre once when I was a small lad. My father’s man Yelnav had to do some business with some fae that resided in Terre so I was brought along to learn about trade in foreign lands. I met a girl there not much younger than myself. I don’t remember many details about her but she did have the same beautiful raven hair as yours. I remember that I thought she was very pretty and she was really sweet. I resolved to myself that someday I would go back to Terre and find her to marry her. When I told my father, he scoffed at me and said my ambition should be higher than some commoner human girl. I still think about her from time to time.” I smiled at him, “That is a cute story, Cal. I do hope that someday you can return to Terre to find that girl…even if you don’t marry her. I bet you’re curious about what she’s up to.” He shrugged, “I don’t even know where to begin to look if I were to do so. I am not much interested in her anymore.” He looked at me with his one good eye but it was meaningful, “You were saying?” I nodded, “Well, he was determined to marry her someday as well. He said he knew in his heart they were destined to be in each other’s lives forever. He thought this until he met her beautiful redheaded best friend, Talia Esperanza. He said his heart was torn for a time between the women. He still loves Vanessa in a way a man can, I know that by the way he glances at her from time to time but he loves my mother as well. Hearing this story made me not understand how a man can claim to be in love with his wife but still love someone else…until now.”
I looked at him, “So I guess to answer your question, I wouldn’t hate being married to you if I couldn’t have Lucien. I love him, with all my heart but I think I’m growing to love you too. It’s hard for me to reconcile that to myself but here we are.” Cal looked down and said nothing, “Do you think you will always love him?” I sighed, “I don’t want to lie to you, Cal. I cannot say no…at least not presently. I might wall up my heart to try to forget about him if I cannot be married to him. You deserve someone who will love you completely. You have such a pure heart, Cal. I just hope you won’t have to find out what my version of loving you is.” He looked up at me and shook his head, “I would count myself lucky to have even a fraction of your love, Alexandra. I cannot promise I know what it is to treat a wife with respect and pure love but I will try.” I crossed the room and sat next to him. I grabbed his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze, “Don’t you do that, Cal.” He looked at me, “Do what?” I smiled at him, “Don’t ever compare yourself to that person who dares to call you son. You are so much more than that. You already give me far more respect than he gives your mother and I know you will love me better. It’s even a wonder how your kind heart can be born of that person.” I brushed the hair back that had fallen on his face and noticed that his long hair was tangled up in a mess. It was very much not like Cal to have unkempt hair, “Can I brush your hair for you? I’ve always wanted to play with it and touch it. It is such a beautiful light blonde color. I always thought that was your greatest beauty, Cal.” He blushed and nodded, “You want to hear something funny?” I walked over to his desk and pulled out the ornate comb that he had laying there. I was green with vines and had a beautiful light green gem inlaid to the top, “What is funny?” I crawled onto the bed to kneel behind him and gathered his hair on the back of his head which had revealed his pointed ears that all the fae had. He gave a blissful sigh at my touch, “The little girl that I mentioned earlier had once told me the same thing. She was wanting to comb my hair and commented about how beautiful it was. She called her own hair gross. It’s funny how a small action like that can dredge up a memory like that.” I gently pulled the comb through his hair and smiled, “I think I can relate to that girl. I used to hate my hair. I still do to some extent.”
We sat in silence as I pulled the comb through all of the knots in his hair and tied it with a ribbon that I had in my pocket that I had intended to gift Lucien with. He lost his long gorgeous hair to a Loki prank so I couldn’t. It was teal colored just like Cal’s eyes so it probably would have suited him better. I thought to myself that I would need to buy a beautiful blue color one day for Lucien if he ever grew his hair back. I put his comb back, “All better now. There’s the Cal I know.” I walked around the bed and looked down at him. He stared up at me, “It’s amazing how your visit has lifted my spirits so much, Alexandra. I was ready to hide away from the world forever after my father cut my face but now I feel like I don’t care what anyone would think of me. The only opinion that matters to me is yours.” Another knock at the door and Cal got up to answer. This time it was Lucien, “Sorry to disturb you. I came to fetch Alexandra. We have business to attend to outside of the castle and I need her.” Cal stepped aside and smiled at him, “Of course, Your Majesty. Thank you for sparing her for a time. She’s helped to lift my mood significantly.” Lucien smiled at me, “She does have that effect on people but I must ask…are you okay? That looks like it hurts terribly. Do you need me to send you a doctor?” Cal shook his head, “King Mordred has offered his kind assistance to me later tonight.” Lucien nodded, “Okay, I hope he can help you out. How did it happen?” I stepped out of the room past Lucien and grabbed his arm, “Some things are best left unasked, Lucien. Trust me you’ll be doing His Highness a favor by not prying.” Lucien’s eyes widened in realization, “Indeed. I will respect your privacy then, Cal. Please excuse us.”
Cal closed the door behind us and I walked down the hallway quietly next to Lucien. I felt guilty about what I had just confessed to Cal but I didn’t know if now was the time or place to talk about it. I told myself to try and find time to have a conversation with Lucien about it. I didn’t want to keep any secrets from either of them about how I’m feeling. I thought to myself that I might want to talk to Aphrodite about how I feel since she would be best equipped to understand what I am going through and, hopefully, offer advice. Lucien spoke as we made our way down the steps, “You’re awfully quiet and your brow is furrowed. Is there something wrong?” I looked up at him, “Hmm, yes but I think that might be a topic for another time. We are working now and this matter is a little…personal.” He nodded, “I imagine it has to do with our visitors then?” I nodded, “Something like that. I just had a few things I need to discuss with you when we are off the clock so to speak.” He looked back at Malinus, “When will we be finished with our work for today?” Malinus opened his planner and scanned the items for today, “Hmm, pretty early today. This meeting with the Elder Council is the last thing we must attend to for today.” Lucien nodded, “Very well then. We can talk in the library after work then. Is that okay?” I smiled, “Thanks. I would really appreciate easing my mind. So what are we meeting the Elders for today?” He shrugged, “I haven’t the slightest clue. Sometimes they inform me of the agenda but in these unscheduled meetings, there isn’t time to form an agenda.” I hummed, “Could it be about the competition? Melody and Rayla have both had dates with you now. It wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibilities, right?” Malinus spoke up, “Not likely, we didn’t receive an invitation for Her Majesty and she’s rather the lynchpin in the selection operation. She’s the head of the council there. They wouldn’t conduct that business without her.”
We all climbed into the carriage and made our way to the Elder Council Hall. Elder Enzo was waiting for us outside. His face lit up as soon as he saw me step out of the carriage, “Oh it is good to see you up and about, Your Grace. We heard you had fallen quite ill, the severity wasn’t given to us by Malinus but given the look on his face it looked rather severe.” I smiled up at him, “I am well now, sir. It wasn’t so severe as to take me out.” He chuckled, “Quite right, I am glad you are here because what we need to discuss pertains to you, Your Grace.” Lucien climbed out behind me, “Alexandra? What about her?” Enzo smiled at Lucien, “Oh my mouth has run away with me, we should discuss details inside the meeting chamber.” We all followed Enzo to the meeting chambers. All the members rose when Lucien walked in and did not sit when they saw me, usually protocol would be to take a seat when the King was at his seat. They all stared at me like they were expecting something from me. Lucien asked, “What is the matter with you all? Why haven’t you been seated?” Enzo smiled, “Her Highest Highness has not taken a seat. Since she is regarded as foreign royalty, she must take a seat in order for us to practice proper protocol. Those are the rules and, as you know, Your Majesty, we are sticklers to the rules.” Lucien sighed, “That damned proclamation from Seely is getting on my nerves already. Someone get Alexandra a chair.” Teddy walked over to a corner where some chairs were stacked and pulled one off the top. He brought it over and offered it, “If you will, Your Highest Highness.” I stifled the natural inclination to roll my eyes at this stupid rule and gracefully took the seat that was offered to me. My mother would have been proud. Everyone took their seats except for Enzo, “Now, we are all gathered here today to discuss a project that we believe that Her Highest Highness should oversee. It is of critical importance.”
