Finding Peace Amidst Chaos

POV: Alexandra

I had decided that it did me no good to lay in bed and let people fret over me. I got up from bed and got dressed. I picked out an orange to eat while I went on the walk that I had planned to take. I wanted to be alone so no one would see the black crud oozing out of my nose. It was like I was a car and this demon blood was the old oil that a mechanic would drain out of a car during an oil change. I think, for the most part, this metaphor would be lost on the majority of the people I lived with. My parents and Jess would understand. I let my mother know what I was going to do but she had fretted over my having had an issue the night before. I explained to her, as briefly as I could, what had happened with Hades. I didn’t want to go into too much detail because I could already feel the warm rush of the first purge coming on. I excused myself and ran outside to blow my nose. Thankfully, I strapped a small black backpack to my back so that I could pack a few snacks and some tissues in there along with a trash bag that I could stuff the gross used tissues in.

I blew my nose to clear the oncoming blood that was threatening to seep through my nose. I heard a throat clearing behind me and turned to find Derek leaning against the wall with one foot anchoring him to the wall, “Feeling better?” I nodded at him, “Yeah, I wasn’t really sick. I just have some stupid demon blood in me that I need to expel. I figured I would take a walk in the woods so my parents won’t have to witness that crud that is going to come out of my face.” He used his foot to push him away from the wall, “I’ll go with you. You obviously need to be protected right? I’m guessing you don’t want many people to come with you.” I nodded, “Yep, you have that correct.” He followed behind me silently as I headed into the woods, he kept quiet since he correctly read that I wasn’t much into talking about what I was going through. I hadn’t really had many moments to myself since returning to Vellum from Seely. I walked down the path that had been carved into the forest floor through likely centuries of wear. The leaves were turning to the rusty auburns that usually signaled fall. It was breezy that day but the wind chill wasn’t enough to bite the skin that was exposed to it. I was wearing a light blue oversized sweater, jeans, black knee-high boots, a black pea coat, a light blue scarf, and a matching beanie. I wore my hair down so that my neck wouldn’t be exposed to the cool air that was swirling around. I sniffed the air to inhale the crisp scent of what seemed to be rain that had come overnight. I looked up to the sky to see if I should have likely brought an umbrella. I cursed myself silently looking up at the grey clouds overhead.

Luckily, the warmth of the demon blood had gone away and I hadn’t inhaled it when I was sniffing the air. Hades explained accurately that the purge of the blood would come in short waves throughout the day. He didn’t believe I had much in me so he told me that his liberal estimate would be that this junk would clear up by dinner time. I had asked him what his conservative estimate would be and he told me two hours. Upon this thought, I found myself looking up at the sky again. I had hoped his conservative estimate was right. I sighed as I walked on but Derek asked, “You think you’re going to get rained on with your outing?” I nodded, “The thought had come across my mind, yes.” He chuckled, “You could always knock on the doors of the people you know who live here for shelter…should you need it.” I huffed in frustration as I informed him, “I’m out here to avoid people, Derek, not put others out by having to watch what I’m going through.” He jogged forward to catch up with me, “And what is it that you are going through?” I explained to him what had happened the night before but he told me that he was informed already and of the visit by Doc and Aphrodite. I told him about the visit from Hades and he seemed taken aback by that since everyone knows he’s not Alexandra’s number one fan. I explained that I received an antidote from him but this would expel the blood from my body. I had explained to him why I didn’t want to burden people with seeing what I had to go through. The blood looked really nasty and it really wasn’t pleasant coming out so I didn’t want people to see me in that state. He understood completely why I wouldn’t want to be around people and remained silent afterward, falling back behind me so that I could be spared the dignity of him not seeing it either.

Derek was a lot of things that one would call masculine and machismo but when it came down to it, he also had an emotional intelligence that many men would be envious of. He knows when to press into issues and when to let them go, in this sense, I really had wished that Lucien could be a little more like Derek. Lucien had emotional intelligence but it wasn’t as high as Derek’s. If he were to see me in this state, he would press the issue of letting him help me and lecture me about taking on burdens alone. I would normally be receptive to this but in this case, I really just wanted to take the burden from others in having to care for me. I didn’t want that this time, I wanted to stand on my own and find my own strength. I suspected that was why Apollo wasn’t really a fan of Lucien’s. He wouldn’t let me find my own strength and he’s seen that. I walked along more determined to stand on my own than ever. I could hear the crunch of the newly fallen leaves and the small rocks that made up the path I was walking on under my feet. It was blissfully silent besides that noise and the sound of the breeze flowing through the leaves that had still remained on the trees and the ones that were being pushed gently along the ground by it. I thought to myself that the only way this could be more of a perfect day, well besides the goo oozing from my face, was to come upon a lake or stream.

I walked past Vanessa’s cottage, hoping no one would spot me walking by. I specifically didn’t want to see Jheelis because he would insist on following me into the woods and I knew he wouldn’t be the silent companion that Derek was. He’d probably ask a billion questions about Talon’s experience as Zero that I wasn’t really prepared to answer at this point. Luckily, we passed by the cottage without anyone noticing. We walked deeper into the woods through a path I had not gone on before, I had just a small hope that this was not a path to the deepest part of the woods that I had been told was dangerous. I wanted to build strength but I didn’t want the danger to go with it which is precisely why I allowed Derek to come with me. It hadn’t crossed my mind initially that I would need a guard since eighteen years of my life, I hadn’t needed one. It was good luck and a great coincidence that Derek had been outside of the house when I left. Sometimes I had wondered if he had some sort of psychic connection to me. I glanced over my shoulder at him briefly and silently wondered what my life would have been like had I chosen Derek. Would he also be overprotective of me like Lucien was? I didn’t think so considering how he treated Jess. He lifted her up and encouraged her strength, likely he would have trained me to become stronger. That would have been weird though since I pretty much consider Derek to be like a second brother to me.

I smiled, shook my head, and walked along the path further into the forest. The cool clean smelling air kept brushing my hair across my face and I had to keep tucking it behind my ear. I was glad that I had decided against wearing earrings since my hair would likely catch in the backings or on them as well. I came across a small clearing in the woods that had a little meadow of pink flowers. I noticed a tree stump in the middle of the meadow that was slightly covered in deep green moss. I figured that would be a good place to rest since I could feel the warm rush of the blood coming on. I strayed off the path and pulled my small backpack off along the way. I set the pack next to the stump and looked down at the flat surface to see if it was okay to sit down. I didn’t want to sit somewhere where it was really wet since the rain had kissed almost everything else around here. You could tell it wasn’t a heavy rain but wet nonetheless. I ran my hand across the stump and it was damp. I turned to see if I could find something to place on the stump. I heard Derek say, “No worries, Lex. I got you.” He pulled off his coat and placed it on the stump. I looked up at him, “Are you sure? It’s rather cold out here and I don’t want you to ruin your coat.” He chuckled and shook his head, “It’s fine, Lex. I’m a lycan, my internal temperature can keep me more than warm. I also have the ability to shift if I need to to keep warm. You don’t have that ability. Now sit, I’m sure you’re resting for a reason?” I nodded and reluctantly sat down. He smiled, “I’m going to sweep the perimeter so you can have a little privacy.”

Once again Derek was in tune with the way I felt but I didn’t express this. I merely nodded and smiled to let him know that I was appreciative of his sensitivity. I reached into my bag and pulled out an unused tissue. I repeated the same action as I had before when I left the house. I placed the used tissue in a plastic baggy and looked around at the beauty that surrounded me. The grass in the meadow was starting to turn so there was a mixture of light brown dead grass along with the greens that would normally be there had this been a walk during spring or summer. I had imagined this would be a nice little field where you would see butterflies and hear birds singing their pretty songs during those seasons. I closed my eyes and breathed in to just let my other senses take in my surroundings. I heard what sounded like water off in the distance. I thought to myself that that would be an ideal place to have my lunch at. I had wondered if there were fish in whatever body of water it was that I could hear. I often would go with my grandfather to the Rocky mountains to go fishing. It was peaceful to go up there with him and have the quiet conversations about life and what it means. It was sad that I couldn’t bring him out here to have one last fishing trip. I sighed thinking about the man who was laying on his deathbed and how I had not been able to see him much lately. I promised myself that once I had settled Lucien’s issue, I would take a full day and visit with Darren Batiste.

I had thought the blood was done coming but I felt the warmth again and sighed. I pulled another tissue out and blew my nose. I had wished there was a better and less gross way to expel this junk from my body but I shouldn’t complain about the help I had already gotten. I hoped that this was done for now since I was ready to hike over to the body of water I had heard. I looked around to see if I could find Derek. I stood up from my seat on the stump, packed my stuff up, and draped his coat over my arm. I called out to him and he emerged from behind a tree close by, “Sorry Lex, I was really close by. I figured you didn’t want me to watch you so I kept a sweeping eye out on your surroundings…oh but I didn’t look at you.” I smiled at him for trying hard to be cognizant of my feelings, “No worries Derek. I think I will be okay if it is you by my side. You don’t have to make yourself scarce now. I just needed a few moments to myself.” He nodded at me, “So where to next?” I shrugged and pointed, “I think I heard some water in the distance in that direction.” He took his coat from me and put it on and smiled, “It wasn’t too damp so I think I can put it on. Let’s go then.” We started to walk off in the direction of the path since the water sounded like it was in the direction the path was taking us to.

I tripped on a small rock walking out of the meadow, luckily Derek caught me. I apologized for the inconvenience and he ruffled my hair. He told me that I was never going to be an inconvenience to him. We walked along the path and discussed how beautiful the forest was after the rain, how easy the walk was and how it was a nice day for a walk. It was small talk but every time I looked at him, I could tell he was holding something back. I knew he was trying not to bring something up so that he didn’t seem insensitive to my plight. I had figured it was because he thought what would come out of his mouth would be rude. I figured I would just broach the subject when we finally came upon the body of water that I was trying to get to. Whatever it was, this felt like a conversation we would need to have while sitting down together. I was glad I had packed a few sandwiches for lunch so that I could share them with him. We would find this body of water, set the small blanket I had in my pack and talk about what was on his mind. We walked along for a little while further side by side in silence but I could feel his eyes on me every once in a while. I heard him sigh on occasion and I began to wonder if the subject he wanted to bring up really was about not being rude to me. I looked up at him again and I could see a little bit of pain in his eyes and I noticed that he was careful not to talk about the run he was on the last three nights. I began to wonder if what was on his mind had something to do with the run. Something he didn’t know how to bring up on his own. I thought to myself that I would probably have to coax it out of him.

I was going to say something to him just then but he smiled and pointed, “Look Lex, it was a lake with a beautiful waterfall.” I looked over at the lake, it was a different color than any other lake I had ever seen. It was like staring at a giant field of cornflowers. I had seen blue lakes before but this one was like a pretty shade of the flower and the waterfall gave the sight a peaceful sound. I pulled my backpack off of my shoulders and reached into the pack. I pulled out the small blanket and looked around for a place to set the blanket. I spotted a nice little clearing near the falls. I pointed it out to Derek and he took the backpack from me while we made our way over. We finally reached it and I spread the blanket out and I sat down. He placed the backpack gently beside me before taking his place next to the backpack. I pulled out the sandwiches and handed him one. He thanked me and took a bite before giving a small moan, “What is in this? It’s amazing. I’ve never tasted anything like it.” I smiled, “It is cream cheese with ranch seasoning. Oh but you probably don’t know what that is…” I ended up explaining ranch seasoning in detail to him. Since we didn’t get it in Vellum, I made my own to store in the kitchen when I was craving it. Silence settled as each of us ate our sandwiches. I waited until he swallowed the last bit of his sandwich before I spoke, “Derek? I noticed something may be bothering you. You want to talk about it.” He sighed, “I don’t want to make this about me. We can talk about it some other time. You’re going through your own stuff.” I shook my head and placed my hand on his shoulder, “Please, I want to know.” He looked down and picked a small dying yellowish daisy out of the ground next to him and looked at it. He sighed, “It’s Jess…she said she doesn’t want to marry me anymore.”