CHAPTER 18:

I know it hurts. You're reading this now trying to figure shit out, you don't want to give up but you know it's time to leave. I don't blame you for staying. But i need you to know that you deserve more than he's willing to provide - r.h. Sin

"I saw you on the fields with Collins," Chad says as I'm walking down the halls to my friends for lunch. I don't see why he had to mention Friday night. I haven't talked to Chad in ages, he kind of backed off ever since Nick and i became even closer recently.

"Did you?" I say in a bored tone, I do not really have time for whatever negative thing i know he will end up saying to me to try and put me down. He nods, and stays silent for a moment. "Well, is that all?"

"He won't stay you know. Do you really believe that Jake Collins actually likes you and will actually stay? He'll get bored, he will realise the mistake he is making by being with you. Or maybe he has already realised the massive mistake he is making, maybe he is planning his break up speech. You aren't good enough for him, or anyone at all. You are Faye Lacuna, a nobody." I wasn't surprised that he said that, I didn't show him how much his words hurt me. I stares at him and glared.

"I am not a nobody. Just because your life is miserable doesn't mean mine will be, why can't you just be happy for me for once? What have i ever done to you? I've always been good to you. But I've had to deal with your bullshit my whole life. Yes Chad, somebody likes me. Shocking, I know. But don't put me down for it," I give him a look of disgust. He is about to open his mouth to say something stupid but somebody cuts into the conversation.

"Is there a problem here?" We both look at Jake, his eyebrows are raised and his arms are crossed over his large chest. I try not to drool at him and focus on the situation at hand. When Chad and I both stay silent he says, "well...?

"Nothing going on here, Chad was just leaving. Weren't you, Chad?" I glare at him in warning, he obviously doesn't see my warning sign. He is going to get his head bashed into a wall.

"You are playing her, aren't you? You are going to leave her eventually, I just know it. Everybody leaves Faye because she is so annoying," I look at the ground, he always has to put me down. Jake growls and I hear a slamming sound, my heads whips up to see Chad pushed against the lockers- Jake gripping his throat.

"You don't know anything, you don't know my feelings."

Chad attempts to laugh but it just comes out as a noise an animal would make if it were dying. "Jake, stop." He doesn't put him down, Chad is slowly turning blue and is trying to remove Jake's hands. "JAKE STOP IT! LET HIM GO, NOW!" Jake drops him, he slides down the wall and pants trying to suck in as much oxygen as possible. Jake storms off, I have to run to catch up to his fast pace. "Jake, stop,"

He stops and spins around, "stop following me, just leave me alone!" He roars, everyone stares at us and my eyes widen. A gasp escapes my lips and I slowly back away from him, he must have realised what he said only minutes later because he is running after my form that is running away from him. He grabs my wrist and spins me to him, "Faye, stop running from me, please. Im sorry, i didn't mean to say that."

"I don't want to be treated like I don't matter."

"You do matter, I am sorry I was just in the moment and i was angry with him and myself," he loosens his grip on me and sighs.

"Why would you be angry with yourself? You did nothing wrong, Chad was the one that did something wrong." He shakes his head to himself and sighs, cupping my cheek. I frown, is there something he isn't telling me? Could he possibly be seeing someone else behind my back? I don't voice my thoughts this time.

"Never mind. Let's just go meet with everyone now, they must be wondering where we are," He grabs my hand and i stare at him. Wondering if i have done something wrong because all I've been made to feel like is that I'm always the one that causes the problems. Im always the one that makes people leave in the end.

##

Everyone likes to read something sad, they like to watch something sad or even some times just feel sad. Sadness is a big part of our world, I mean... Who wants to read something with no sad events whatsoever? What is the purpose? There would be no meaning behind anything. Some people like sadness, it may sound twisted but they really do. Sometimes, it's the only way you can tell you're really human and you aren't numb to everything. We want to see or read something that is relatable because we find it hard to share our emotions with the world because we don't want to sound dramatic. We don't want to get people involved in our sh*t. Sadness, is apart of me. Sometimes, i even let it define who I am. It may be good to some people but to others, feeling is the worst thing possible. The sadness just get's too much and overbearing that people just can't handle it anymore. Everyone assumes they know how others feel. For me... being sad is the shi**est feeling out. How can people handle so much pain all the time?

People make you feel like you're good enough then they leave so easily and quickly, people just leave all the time. I feel myself slipping away from everyone, I seem to be pushing people away. I can't help it, it's just me. People don't notice that I'm hurting, they tell me to move on and apparently I will. What is the purpose of this you may ask. The purpose is to tell you that you aren't alone, sometimes it feels like the end of the world. I seem to hurt everyone who I'm close with or its the other way around usually. I always sit here, wondering when something good will come out of it all. Nothing good has come yet.

Brock doesn't seem to be getting better, he doesn't sleep most nights. That means mum doesn't and then that means neither does dad. Then the rest of us... Most nights are painful, i even find myself sitting and staring into the darkness thinking about my problems. Most of the time, I don't really want to feel anymore. It just seems so much more easier, to not care. I feel trapped constantly, I feel like it's starting to define me. I'm starting to get blamed for being sad all the time and for being scared and feeling like I'm going to do something wrong or I already am.

Mum is getting tired of my negativity and believes i may soon start to affect Brock. Maybe I am being selfish because I want people to notice that I'm not fine. Brock has had to attend multiple doctors appointments this week. Mum is trying to convince herself that he will be fine. Deep down we all know that Brock may not be around for too long.

It's hard to let go of things you care about.

Mum and dad seem to be fighting a lot lately, they're scared. We all are. "SO, Faye... We have heard that you are dating that Jake kid," dad brings up as we are sitting and eating. My fork drops onto my plate, making a loud noise that hurts my ears.

"From who?" I demand, glaring at Nick and Brock just in case either of them said anything.

"That part doesn't matter. But sweetie, are you sure he's the right one for you? I just don't want to see you hurt in the end by him," everyone is staring at me. I can feel anger surging through me, why does everyone always assume that I will get hurt in the end with every friendship or any relationship that I have. Well very minimal relationships I have.

I slam my fist down onto the table, "why do you assume I will get hurt in the end?!" I exclaim. "Cant you for once have the faith and believe that the people i associate with are actually decent people that wouldn't hurt me intentionally. Jake wouldn't hurt me. He likes me, he wouldn't lie to me about his feelings."

Mum and dad look in-between us, sometimes it feels like they feel like they're loosing me in a way. Like I'm slowly distancing myself and I will disappear soon as well. "Honey, your father didn't mean it that way , you know that."

"No mum, i don't know anything now. You look at me as if you don't know who I am anymore. You look at me as if Im some fragile little girl that can't handle anything by herself. Well, guess what! I got through it all without any of your help. I get through it! The bullying, the constant sadness and fear, the family drama. You both were never really there for me, why are you trying to look out for me now?" Mum looks hurt, it is one of the worst things are parent can hear when they hear their child isn't happy and they are made to feel like they are one of the causes. Maybe they are.

"Faye, you need to stop this. You need to stop this sadness from affecting your life, it will affect your relationships and practically everything. You need to be happy," dad softly says.

"Some times I am happy, I'm getting through it don't worry."

##

"Hey Jeremy! We haven't talked in a while, I have missed your stories and the good old chats about you and your wife high school years. Ah, what memories,'' I sigh. Jeremy sighs and gives me an annoyed look.

"Faye, it is Mr Carter to you at school. I am your teacher, remember?" I smirk then put on a face of innocence, messing with him bit.

"Yeah, but you're not my teacher. I don't have you for any subjects so technically you're just a teacher, don't you think?" He rolls his eyes at me, I know i got him that time. I love flabbergasting him.

"Faye, the story is so obvious. I grew to like her, but i didn't want my friends to know. I was protective and jealous, still am sometimes by the way. I ended up loving her, we had quite the obvious bad boy, good girl story to tell in the end. This is what your story is going to be about with whomever your guy is. He will make you feel like your the number one girl in his life, he will care about you a lot and protect you. You will love him to pieces and he will end up messing up and hurting your feelings. You will overthink and believe it was all a lie and he didn't care when he really did. You won't speak to him or anyone, you will blame yourself and make yourself believe that you arent good enough when you really are. He will have a bomb ass amazing apology, you will kiss- maybe in the rain, I don't really know I'm not that good of a psychic. You will forgive him and end up marrying him and have children."

My mouth is dropped open after he finishes and i can't help but stare at him, he has got my whole life planned out. "What if that all ends up happening?" I ask.

"Oh, it will. But Faye, don't let the bad moments change you. Don't let your happiness be stolen, be a teenager and live life the way you want. Enjoy it while you can.