Down Bad
We sat like that, coffee cooling, something unspoken hanging in the space between us.
“Anyways, I must say, you still look at me like you want to kiss me,” he said suddenly, a little too casual.
I blinked. “Excuse me?”
His grin widened. “Just saying what have been said “
“You’re still very wrong.”
“Am I?”
“Yes,” I said, maybe too quickly.
Rowan leaned forward, elbows on the table, eyes gleaming. “So if I came around this table right now…”
“You’d spill your coffee. Nothing is going to happen Mr. Vaughn.”
“Spilling my coffee over kissing you? I would choose that every single time darling.”
The way he said the darling made my cheeks redden.
I fought the smile tugging at my lips and stood. “I’m going to check out the deck. Breathe some of that million-dollar forest air.”
He followed.
Gosh, this man!
\---
Outside on the Deck I leaned against the railing, soaking in the crisp scent of pine and distant lake water. Rowan stood beside me, watching the wind move through the trees.
“This used to be my grandmother’s favorite retreat,” he said.
I glanced at him. “Lady Isolde?”
He nodded. “She’d come here when she wanted to escape the board, the family, all the expectations. She’d make me help her carry suitcases up those stairs when I was ten.”
I laughed. “I wish I could’ve seen that.”
“You would’ve laughed even harder if you saw how small I was. Barely the size of the suitcase.”
I smiled. “Tell me more. About her.”
He seemed surprised. “You want to know about her?”
“I want to know everything that makes you softer.”
His eyes held mine for a long moment. “That might take a while.”
“I’ve got time.”
He looked away, smiling to himself. “She used to plant wildflowers out back. Just to spite the landscaper. Said order made her itchy. I didn’t understand it then.”
“And now?”
“I get it. Life’s better with a little chaos.”
“You call me chaos?”
“I call you the most beautiful mess I’ve ever seen.”
I turned away, flustered.
Why was he like this?
Why was it working?
“Remi,” Rowan called softly behind me.
I didn't stop walking. “What?”
“Nothing,” he said, and I could already hear the grin in his voice. “Just wondering how you still manage to make storming off look elegant.”
I stopped, turned halfway, and glared. “Are you serious?”
He raised his hands, palms out. “Just an observation.”
“Well maybe observe in silence next time.”
He chuckled. “Can’t help it. You’re very… observable.”
“Is that even a word?” I muttered under my breath, shaking my head.
He caught up easily, falling into step beside me as I made my way toward the car that had just pulled into the driveway. I didn't look at him, but I could feel his presence — steady and warm.
Too warm.
“Going somewhere?” he asked.
I opened the car door. “Borrow me your car. A d yws I am, Back to my life. Work. Kids. You know, the reality part of the vacation.”
He tilted his head. “Running?”
I bristled. “I’m not running.”
His gaze dropped to my hands — they were trembling slightly as I fumbled with the seatbelt.
“You’re shaking,” he said gently.
“Because I haven’t had coffee yet.”
He smiled, like he didn’t believe me. “I can make some.”
“No need.”
“Remi—”
“Don’t.” I snapped the seatbelt into place and turned to look at him. “Please. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”
His face softened. “It doesn’t have to be hard.”
My chest squeezed. “You think this is easy? You—” I stopped myself, swallowing hard. “You were my husband. You hurt me. And now you show up with charm and cheek kisses and all this… kindness and it’s confusing, Rowan.”
His expression was unreadable. “I’m sorry I kissed your cheek.”
I blinked. “You’re not.”
He smiled. “I’m really not.”
That smile. I hated how much I still wanted it.
“Stop it,” I said, voice lower now.
“Stop what?”
“This. Being… likeable. You don’t get to be likeable.”
He took a small step closer. “Why not?”
“Because I’ll forgive you..”
The silence after that was sharp.
He looked down at me, gaze searching. “And that would be the worst thing?”
I couldn’t answer that.
Because hating Rowan had pushed me to be a mother, a surgeon and many more.
Once I stopped hating him….who am I again? I would be a fool once again.
So I said the next thing that came to mind. “It was a mistake.”
Rowan flinched—just slightly. But I saw it.
I opened the door again and got in. He didn’t stop me this time.
He leaned down by the window before I could roll it up.
“I still have a few things to wrap up here,” he said, quietly now. “But I’m not giving up.”
I met his eyes, heart pounding. “You should.”
He stepped back as the door clicked shut. He didn’t wave. He just stood there, watching.
I didn’t look back again until the car turned at the edge of the road.
Even then, he was still there.
\---
Inside the car, I exhaled.
Hard.
My hands were shaking worse now.
I pressed them against my lap, trying to steady them, trying to steady myself.
That kiss hadn’t meant nothing. Not to me.
And that was the real problem.
Because no matter how muc
h I wanted to believe it was just the cabin, just the nostalgia, just the loneliness—
It wasn’t.
I still felt something for Rowan Vaughn.
And it scared the hell out of me.
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