Constant Thought
Rowan’s POV
I didn't know why it happened.
How it happened.
It just came as a reflex and I did it.
My fist collided with Asher’s jaw, and for a second, the entire room went silent. I saw the shock on his face, the confusion in Remi’s eyes, and the way everything seemed to slow down.
Asher, to his credit, didn’t retaliate.
He simply straightened, wiping the corner of his mouth, looking more puzzled than angry.
“What the hell, man?” he muttered, staring at me like I’d lost my mind.
“I—” I stammered, suddenly at a loss for words. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I—”
Remi took a step forward, her hand hovering between us, like she was deciding who to go to. “Rowan, what’s wrong with you?”
The concern in her voice stung, and I felt a strange pull in my chest. I shouldn’t care what she thought, but there it was—this tightening feeling, like I’d disappointed her somehow. I cleared my throat, backing away. “I…I didn’t mean to. It just happened.”
Asher rubbed his jaw, his eyes narrowing but still calm. “Well, I hope you figure it out and don't go around punching people.” He glanced at Remi before turning to leave. “I’ll be outside.”
I watched him go, a knot tightening in my stomach. Remi’s gaze lingered on me, and I could see the confusion written all over her face. But I guess it's just the doctor spirit coming out.
“Rowan, what’s going on?”
“I don’t know,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t know what’s happening to me.”
I didn’t wait for her response. I needed space, needed to think. I pushed past her and walked out, my mind racing. The anger, the impulse to punch him—it was as if something primal had taken over. I didn’t understand it.
Once I was back in my car, I pulled out my phone and searched, Can amnesia cause reflex actions? The results were quick and blunt—most medical sources said no. Amnesia doesn’t cause physical impulses or reactions. So what the hell was that?
I let out a frustrated sigh, rubbing my forehead. It made no sense. There was no logical explanation for why I had reacted that way. Unless…unless there was something more. Something I couldn’t remember, something about Remi that triggered a reaction I couldn’t control.
I needed to clear my head, and I knew just the person who could help distract me. I dialed Gigi’s number, and she picked up after the first ring.
“Rowan,” she purred, her voice dripping with sweetness. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Gigi,” I said, trying to focus. “Can we meet up?”
“Of course. I’ll be right there. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. Just…come over.”
Minutes later, she was at my penthouse. She walked in, dressed in one of those tight, sleek dresses she knew I liked. Her perfume filled the room, and she immediately made her way over, wrapping her arms around my neck.
“Rough day?” she asked, pressing her body against mine. “You know I’m here to make it better.”
I nodded, but my mind was elsewhere. I tried to focus on her—the curve of her lips, the way her eyes sparkled when she looked at me. She was beautiful, no doubt about it, and usually, that was enough. But as she leaned in, brushing her lips against my neck, my thoughts kept drifting back to Remi and Asher. That look on Remi’s face when she saw what I did. And the feeling that had surged through me before I punched him.
The feeling that made me want to claim Remi.
As mine.
“Rowan,” Gigi whispered, pulling me back to the present. She kissed along my jawline, her hands roaming down my chest. “I missed you.”
I tried to focus on her touch, on the way her hands felt against my skin, but my mind kept straying. I found myself imagining something else—her lips, those eyes, the way she’d look with that sharp tongue of hers, wrapped around me. I imagined her mouth, soft but insistent, and for a second, I almost let myself get lost in it.
But then, as her lips brushed mine, I felt nothing. There was no spark, no pull. Just emptiness.
I pulled back, frowning. “Gigi, wait.”
She blinked, clearly caught off guard. “What is it? Did I do something wrong?”
“No, it’s not you.” I stepped back, creating distance between us. “I just… I’m not feeling it right now.”
Her eyes narrowed, and for a second, I saw the mask slip—the irritation underneath the sweet facade. “Is it about her? The doctor.” she asked, her voice tight.
I paused, not wanting to give her any reason to suspect the truth. “It’s not about anyone. I’m just tired.”
She tilted her head, studying me like she was trying to read my mind. “You can tell me, you know. If you’re still thinking about her.”
“Gigi, enough,” I said, my voice sharp. “This has nothing to do with Remi.”
She stepped back, arms crossed, but the playful smile was gone. “Funny how her name always comes up, though. You seem to be bothered about her a lot.”
“Drop it,” I muttered, turning away.
I felt her gaze on me, but I refused to look back. Instead, I stared out the window, the city lights blurring together. I didn’t want to admit it, but she wasn’t wrong. Remi was in my head, and I couldn’t shake her. No matter how hard I tried.
Gigi’s voice broke the silence. “Fine. I’ll drop it…for now.” She smoothed her dress, the sweetness returning. “But remember, Rowan, I’m here for you. Always.”
She leaned in, kissing my cheek before stepping back. “Let me know if you need anything.”
I watched her leave, the door clicking shut behind her. I leaned back, running a hand through my hair, feeling the tension rise again. Why couldn’t I shake this feeling? And why did I keep thinking about Remi?
As I stared at my reflection in the window, I felt that same tightening in my chest. I didn’t understand it, and it was starting to drive me crazy.
I needed to figure out what was going on—why every time I was around Remi, I felt this pull, this instinct to protect her, even when my memory told me I had no reason to.
And maybe, just maybe, the only way to get my answers was to find a way to be around her more. Even if it meant getting too close.
I paced the room, my mind racing. Something about Remi just didn’t add up. Every time she was near, I felt this strange pull—a sense that I knew her beyond what my memory could recall.
I needed to know why. I needed to figure out what was going on before it drove me insane.
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