CHAPTER 28:

Aria

The night is freezing cold and I can't sleep a wink. The excruciating pain that I was feeling only reminded me just how fucked up my life really was. I didn't have anyone to turn to or to vent to through it all. I didn't want to tell Tribel because I didn't want to bother her and I definitely didn't want to tell my mother about it, that was just going to make matters worse.
Aiden is always here for me though. He doesn't crowd or bombard me with questions or make me do things that I'm not comfortable with. Although, it seems that sometimes he's watching me from a far or he's afraid to let anything happen to me. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely thankful that he's around when I need him to be, but when I want to be left alone he won't allow it.
There is nothing more that I wish for than to be with Aiden completely but I just can't trust anyone right now. I trusted Fred and look where that got me. I thought that maybe he and I could've been more than friends, which I'm sure he thought of as well, but his jealousy of Aiden destroyed him in the end.
I still don't know, 'til this day, how I feel about Aiden and this entire situation. I don't know where we stand or how far our relationship will go, but deep in my heart I know that I do and will always have strong feelings for him. Even so, how can I act on my feelings towards him when I don't know how he truly feels about me?
Sure, he's been there for me from the start, but I know that he has his own motives as to why he does it.
I don't regret knowing Fred because deep down he was a good person, but I don't know what changed in him. He was a good friend to me as well and he always conveyed how he felt towards me. It wasn't like I denied his feelings, I was just too confused with mine.
I sat by the window staring out towards the night as rain started to pour, and it gave me a calm and peaceful feeling.
As I was deep in thought, Aiden quietly entered my room and leaned against the door.
"How're you feeling, Aria?" I didn't answer him right away because truthfully I didn't want to have company. I was in my own little world and he just had to walts right in. "I'm fine...just trying to settle my thoughts."
"Are you hungry? You haven't eaten anything since earlier this morning, as I recall."
"No. I don't think I could eat anything with the way I'm feeling right now. I may not be able to stomach it."
"Right, I could make you some tea if you want?"
"Sure, Aiden. Thanks." I said while looking over my shoulder at him.
He was being too attentive, but who was to say that I didn't enjoy being pampered for a while? Aiden is too nice to me, but maybe that's because he feels sorry for me or maybe he really does like me? Or just maybe he has his own motives after all?
I couldn't get my thoughts to stop running around in my head. Couldn't this all just go away? Couldn't I go back to the way it was before all of this happened?
If there was a way for me to go back in time and reverse all of this, would I really do it? If only I hadn't answered that phone call to work for the company and just continued to work in my grandfathers' firm, none of this would have happened. But if I didn't, I wouldn't have been able to meet Aiden.
"Here, drink this." He handed me a food tray with a glass of green tea and toast. "Thanks again Aiden." He sat down beside me with his back turned towards the window and leaned his head on his hands. He was acting a little strange and it felt like something was wrong.
"Aria, I am still so very sorry that all of this happened to you, but I can't change anything. I'm trying my best to help you and I thank you for giving me the chance to. As you know.....you have always been the one that I couldn't let go of no matter what I did or how much I tried to forget you..."
He began to shift his position and this time I felt his eyes lingering on my skin. "Since this incident happened, I have been deprived. I'm not going to touch you without your permission until you are feeling better. I want you to take your time in your healing process, but just know I won't wait forever."
Aiden then reached for my hair and moved it away from my shoulder, gently massaging the nape of my neck. The feeling of his skin was always something that I yearned for, but I just wasn't mentally nor physically ready to be touched again.
"I guess I just don't want you to hate me in the end." Before I could ask him what he meant, he had already left.
Why does he think that I'll hate him? Has he done anything wrong?
After I drunk the tea I began to feel sleepy. Maybe with the tea and rain combined I'd finally be able to get some rest. Once my head hit the pillows, I let the darkness and soothing sound of the night over take me.